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The Degenerate Gambler is a weekly column that sets over/unders on various things around the NFL. The Degenerate Gambler in no way endorses gambling, degenerate activities of any kind, or even reading this column.

Over/under: Number of Broncos fans that would like to see a re-enactment of the Robert Geathers hit on Trent Green performed on Jake Plummer: 17,827½.

I'm calling under, even though that number, at this very moment, is hovering somewhere in the 60,000 range.

This is sometimes the problem with drafting a rookie quarterback that you aren't going to start immediately, especially if the current starter is not a beloved figure, and Jake Plummer, I promise you, will never be a beloved figure outside of certain parts of Arizona. The fans see the team spend a high draft pick on a young QB, someone who everyone was raving about at the draft, and they want to see him play. They see great preseason numbers (which, for a quarterback, mean absolutely nothing), they see a struggling starter, and it makes sense.

Except it doesn't, because there's no way a rookie is going to step in and be better than Jake Plummer. Say what you want about Jake Plummer, and he is inconsistent as hell, and he has pulled off some of the all-time bonehead plays in the history of the NFL, but ... at the end of the year, his statistics will usually be among the league's best. Everyone remembers the games he loses for you, but no one remembers the ones he wins. Usually because that never happens past December. At the end of the day, there's no way that Jay Cutler is going to win more games for you than Jake Plummer. Not this year.

So following Jake's pattern of maddening inconsistency, he's going to play well this week, and there will only be 10,000 or so Broncos fans who still want to see his head spiked off the grass like a superball. They'll be better off waiting for the ground in Denver to be frozen in January, though, for a couple of reasons. The ground is harder then, and it'll be more important to get him out of a playoff game.


Over/under: Number of times Tom Brady gives Reche Caldwell the "I wish you were Deion Branch" eyes: 5

Over, and I have a feeling that even Bridget Moynahan has felt those very eyes a few times of her own. Brady's comments about Branch this week were a little unusual in their honesty. He admits that Branch's departure hurt him, both professionally and personally, and he admitted that he let it affect his performance against Buffalo.

I really found it admirable that Brady admitted that. Not a lot of guys would have been that honest. And at the same time, he realizes that it's time to move past that, that he has to go out and perform on Sundays, and he's going to. That's what a professional does, and Tom Brady is certainly a professional.

I just can't quite figure out whey the Patriots seemed so determined to part ways with him, though. I didn't feel like Branch's contract demands were that absurd, and for a guy who clearly meant a lot to the franchise (and by "franchise," I mean "Tom Brady"), I don't know why they couldn't have come up with the scratch to keep him there. It's probably not going to be any time soon, but at some point, the Patriots organization may wish that they had been a little more willing to go that extra mile to keep the smile on Tom's face.


Over/under: Number of points the Raiders score against Baltimore: ½

Where to begin ...

Randy Moss, who had been praised endlessly by Art Shell in the off-season, questioned the direction of the team just days before the season started. Jerry Porter, the second best wide receiver on the team, questioned things as well, perhaps a bit more vocally, and hasn't seen the field since. That same wide receiver was accused of cheering when the team's starting quarterback threw an interception, but later admitted that he didn't even care enough to watch. Speaking of the quarterback position, the team became a leaguewide joke when they signed 38-year-old Jeff George to a free agent contract, after being almost universally mocked for their big money signing of former Saints turnover machine Aaron Brooks. Brooks was pulled in his first start, not for his poor play (though it was quite poor), but for fear that he would be physically hurt by the opposing defense. And the team's fans are already calling for the firing of the brand new old head coach, the one who stood cluelessly on the sidelines as he became the only coach to be shut out in both instances where three teams were shut out on the same NFL weekend, something that's only happened twice in 15 years.

Am I missing anything? Did anyone burn Lamont Jordan's house down, or kick Al Davis down a flight of stairs? How could things possibly get any worse than that?

I really think this Raiders team has a shot to go down as one of, if not the worst team in NFL history. It will take some more doing; there will have to be more player discontentment, and perhaps an injury here or there. But 0-16, while unlikely, is possible. It's early, but I don't think it's ridiculous to be discussing it at this point.

I'm taking the over, by the way. Andrew Walter will engineer a field goal drive, and this drive will be played on a 60-minute continuous loop on the Raiders year-end highlight DVD.


Over/under: Number of times you see Art Shell open his mouth or make a facial expression of any kind: ½

I'm going under. And this might have even amazed me more than anything else that the Raiders did (or didn't do) on Monday night. I'm not sure that Art Shell moved. I'm not sure that that isn't a giant wax sculpture on the sidelines. Every time something catastrophic happened to the Raiders, the camera would pan to Art Shell, and he would have no facial expression, and make no movement.

I think I saw his lips moving one time, when he was talking to an assistant coach, perhaps saying something like, "Do you know how many quarters are in an NFL game?" or "What does it mean when they throw those yellow handkerchiefs?"

Never did Shell offer an encouraging word for Aaron Brooks, never did he reprimand someone, never did he give any indication that he had any interest in, or qualifications for, being on that sideline wearing a headset. And to be honest with you, and I don't think I'm saying this just to make fun of the Raiders, but I don't think I've ever seen an NFL team that ill-prepared or unready to play an NFL game. I didn't even think the Chargers played that well, and they won 27-0.


Over/under: Number of receptions for Chad Johnson against Leigh Bodden: 5

I'm going to shock the world and go under. Kellen Winslow Jr. was talking up Leigh Bodden this week, saying that he was the man to finally shut down Chad Johnson. And I'm not entirely sure that Winslow's right about that, but his confidence in Bodden is not unwarranted. The young fellow can play, and is, in fact, one of the best young corners in the NFL.

Last time they played, he held 85 to just 2 catches for 22 yards, and no touchdowns. Johnson blamed it on the wind, and maybe that had something to do with it, and maybe it didn't. But Carson Palmer's probably going to have an easier time finding T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Chris Henry this week. I'm calling for a Bengals victory, but I'm feeling a coming out party for Leigh Bodden, too.


Over/under: Number of Daunte Culpepper interceptions this week: 1½

Daunte Culpepper has now thrown fourteen interceptions in the last seven full games he's played. If he struggles again this week, people are still going to chalk it up to rust from the injury, but I think there's ample evidence to suggest that he's just not that good of a quarterback.

It's entirely possible that Daunte Culpepper built himself a great reputation on deep balls he used to throw to Randy Moss, and on a running ability that no longer exists. I'm not sure that Miami has the great quarterback that they think they have.

For this week, I'm going to say under, but long-term, I still have major questions about Daunte Culpepper.


Over/under: Number of times that NBC's coverage of Terrell Owens makes me long for the quiet, understated days of the Manning Bowl: 6

Over. Clearly, NBC has chosen their approach to covering football games, and it's not always going to have a lot to do with football. Much like they see the Olympics, they see the NFL as a giant collection of human interest stories with some occasional football mixed in from time to time.

Although, while we're on the subject, some of the Manning home videos that NBC showed were priceless. The one where some other kid tried to tackle Peyton by grabbing him around the helmet, and then Peyton stopped the play and whined, "Mom, he's not allowed to tackle around the collar!" That, I enjoyed (and if anyone can produce YouTube footage of this, you can be my best friend). The constant updates on the emotions stirring deep within Archie Manning, I did not.

The bigger story surrounding Dallas right now is actually Drew Bledsoe's status as the starting quarterback. Sooner or later, it's going to be Tony Romo, who's last name rhymes with a very easy taunt that would make him an instant superstar if he played in San Francisco.