FanHouse

As we await the beginning of the NBA Playoffs on April 19, team mascots explain why their team will win. Next up: Cleveland's Moondog.

Oh, hello there. Excuse me, Ms. Parker; these gentlemen have asked me to state why I think, in my humblest of opinions, the Cavaliers will win the NBA championship. Ah, well, where to start. There is, of course, LeBron James, an assured top-3 candidate for the Most Valuable Player of the National Basketball Association. (In my quaint estimation, if you don't mind me saying of course, Mr. James is the prohibitive leader in said race. It would be utterly laughable to have any other result.)

With Mr. James in tow, the Cavaliers of Cleveland are already well on their way toward conference domination and a clear path to the NBA Finals. You will remember last season, of course, when Mr. James and his compatriots -- some departed -- defeated the favored Pistons to reach the final round of play. This team has only gotten better, through the maturation of the star (Mr. James, that is) and through the brilliant market maneuvering of general manager Danny Ferry. This team is well-suited to hold off all challenges to the crown, whether they come from Boston or Detroit or Washington.

... What's that? You inquire as to how the Cavaliers will defeat the Spurs of San Antonio in the final round after being swept last summer? <whispers> A betting man might want to know I have just scheduled a late May shopping day with Ms. Parker. <motions to Eva> A locker room outbreak of kennel cough and/or herpes, how's that for "evening" the "playing field"? <wink>

Previous FanHouse Expert Predictions:
The Raptor | The Phoenix Gorilla

Covering our ass: This is, in fact, parody.