Tony Stewart says he doesn't wear women's underwear and that he loves Whoppers. At least he no longer has to strip down to his fast-food belly to prove both claims.Stewart passed a lie detector test Tuesday. It was all captured live as part of a Burger King promotion.
As relieved as I was to discover Stewart doesn't wear a lace thong under his fire suit, the webcast got a little dull after the 32nd question from fans. But Stewart deserves credit for proving he puts his mouth where his endorsement money is.
"I love Whoppers," he said.
If Burger King really wanted to perform a public service, it would have expanded Tuesday's grilling. Think of all the people you'd have loved to seen strapped into the chair.
It's not just their endorsement sincerity I question, though it is amazing how Peyton Manning has found time to throw 12 touchdown passes while simultaneously endorsing MasterCard, Sprint, DirecTV, ESPN, Reebok, Gatorade, Sony, NFL Sunday Ticket and Fast Eddie's Bail Bonds of Terre Haute.
If you want to believe Tiger Woods prefers a Buick over a Bentley, go for that ride. I'd rather see Tiger be asked if he minds sitting next to Fuzzy Zoeller at the Masters Champions Dinner.
"The machine doesn't lie," the host kept reminding a sweating Stewart.
If you want to believe Tiger Woods prefers a Buick over a Bentley, go for that ride. I'd rather see Tiger be asked if he minds sitting next to Fuzzy Zoeller at the Masters Champions Dinner.
Well, one may occasionally if it's elected president and questions what the meaning of the word "is" is. George Washington once told Kenneth Starr's great-great-great grandfather that he could not tell a lie. There were no lie detectors in that day, so we'll just have to take his word that he chopped down that cherry tree.
Should we have to take Roger Clemens' word that he never took steroids?
Unfortunately we do because Clemens' lawyers wouldn't let him within 10 zip codes of a lie-detector machine. But think of the big sports mysteries we could have solved Tuesday if the right people had been interrogated.
David Stern -- Did you rig the 1985 lottery to make sure the Knicks got Patrick Ewing? And while we have you on the hot seat, have you ever actually watched a WNBA game?
Michael Jordan -- Did you really want to play baseball, or did Stern suspend you for gambling half your Nike earnings away?
Urban Meyer -- You have a gun with two bullets and are stuck on an elevator with Osama bin Laden, Kim Jong-Il and Lane Kiffin. Which one do you spare?
Anyone Ever Recruited by John Calipari -- How much did you get?
Mike Tyson -- Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror, see that tattoo and think, "God, what a moron."?
Michael Vick -- Are you really sorry, or do you still cheer at the end of Old Yeller?
Frenchy Fuqua -- Did the football really bounce off you during the Immaculate Reception?Maradona -- Was that really God's hand or yours that knocked in the goal during the 1986 World Cup?
Me -- Did I really just ask a question about soccer?
BCS Computers -- Are you taking bribes to keep the Big 10 champ bowl eligible?
Barry Bonds -- Come on, fess up, HGH Breath.
Forget the chair, I'd like to see a lie-detector grandstand constructed to test every major leaguer from 1986-2009. As painful as it might be, I'd pay money to see Albert Pujols answer the dreaded Performance Enhancing Drug question.
Same for Lance Armstrong, LeBron James, Usain Bolt and every Olympian from current or former Communist countries. According to Biblical sources, ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Except in O.J.'s case, of course, where the truth would have sent him to San Quentin. Where was the Burger King lie detector when we needed it? Like whenever an athlete is pondering his next career move.
"It's not about the money," Pujols said.
"It's not about the money," Dwyane Wade said.
"It's not about the money," Albert Haynesworth said.
If you believe that, Peyton Manning has some swamp land in Florida he'd like to sell you.
