Week in Review: PC Police on High Alert

It was not a good week if you were a fat, homosexual taco-eating cheerleader related to Sarah Palin.

All were ridiculed in one of the more politically-incorrect weeks on record. There must be a lesson we can take from the tackiness.

What was Bob Griese thinking? He joked that Juan Pablo Montoya wasn't among the top five drivers in NASCAR points because he was "out getting a taco."

Texas A&M beat Texas Tech, prompting Red Raiders coach Mike Leach to say he'd warned his overconfident players "about not listening to our fat little girlfriends."

Chiefs running back Larry Johnson twice used a slur to describe gay people. Levi Johnston, the ex-fiancé of Palin's daughter, said Palin called her Down syndrome child "retarded."

Then in an attempt to hype the World Series and ignite a newspaper feud, the New York Post ran a cover picture of Shane Victorino's head on top a cheerleader's body. As if a man wearing women's clothing is something to be ashamed of.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Transgenders, unite!

This boorish and downright insulting thinking must be stopped before somebody says Barack Obama "throws like a girl." Thankfully, society has progressed to the point where apologies and other reparations were in order.

Griese and Johnson were suspended. We're still waiting, however, for Leach to apologize to all "proportionally special" girlfriends out there.

Palin says the only person she's ever called "retarded" is her daughter's fiancé. And maybe Katie Couric.

As for the Post, it got its comeuppance when the Philadelphia Inquirer ran a picture of Alex Rodriguez's torso on top of a horse's behind.

No, wait, A-Rod commissioned that picture and has it hanging above his bed. More on that in a minute.

But things will get really un-PC this week if the Wall Street Journal runs a picture of Pedro Martinez's head on Jessee Vasold's body.

Vasold, a William & Mary undergrad, became the NCAA's first transgender homecoming queen. Her campaign slogan:

Some days I'm William, others I'm Mary.

Which brings us to the Quote of the Week, compliments of Montana State coach Bob Green. After his team was penalized 11 times for 111 yards against Eastern Oregon, Green said "They called us for everything but adultery."

Steve Phillips could not be reached for comment. But ESPN did tell him to hand in his company ID and collection of production assistants.

Phillips' paramour must have told him they could get away with it. So maybe one of the lessons we can take from last week is to heed Leach's advice about fat little girlfriends.

Oops, I mean calorie-challenged women-friends. Before the PC Police arrive, here's what else you might have missed last week.

Sunday

Mark McGwire is named St. Louis hitting coach. In a related development, Ben Johnson is named coach of the 2012 Canadian Olympic track team.

At a news conference after the Turns Fast Relief 500, Juan Pablo Montoya jokes that "I could say I spent the last three hours eating tacos." At the same moment, NASCAR inspectors discover six wadded-up Taco Bell bags in the back seat of Tony Stewart's Chevrolet.

Shaquille O'Neal submits the paperwork to become an Ohio sheriff's deputy, saying his first goal is to capture Delonte West.

Monday

In an interview on CBS' The Early Show, Levi Johnston says Sarah Palin claimed she could see Yankee Stadium from her house.

Titans owner Bud Adams tells his coaching staff to start Vince Young this week since he has the Jacksonville defense in his fantasy league.

In an attempt to cut into the college football tailgate market, Taco Bell introduces the new "Griese Taco."

Tuesday

Shaquille O'Neal submits the paperwork to become an Ohio sheriff's deputy, saying his first goal is to capture Delonte West.
At his introductory news conference, Mark McGwire is asked what kind of ice cream he liked as a kid. "I'm not here to talk about the past," he says.

A Pennsylvania woman is arrested after she offers sex for World Series tickets. Five minutes later, a confused Steve Phillips is spotted pulling into her driveway with 50 tickets in his pocket.

In a new release, Li'l Wayne gives valuable street cred to Lane Kiffin by rapping "Smoke weed, talk s*** like Lane Kiffin." The SEC fines Kiffin for failing a urine test.

Wednesday

In a tell-all book, Andre Agassi says during his career he took crystal meth and wore a toupee. Or was that Bud Adams' autobiography?

Wal-Mart starts selling caskets online. Its Web site crashes when Browns fans start ordering the "Mangini Mahogany Edition."

In its World Series preview section, The New York Post reports that 97 percent of Philadelphia fans want to date William & Mary's homecoming queen.

Bobby Knight declines to attend his Indiana Hall of Fame induction ceremony, saying the credit should go to all the players he strangled over the years.

Thursday

After a tumultuous offseason featuring a brawl with the school's football team, the Kansas basketball team is ranked preseason No. 1 by the AP, WBC, WBA and UFC.

The House of Representatives unveils its 1,990-page health care bill. Republicans revolt when they discover Ron Artest will not be classified as a "pre-existing condition."

After getting suspended for two games, Larry Johnson says he has absolutely nothing against "flag football players."

In an attempt to establish his street cred, Urban Meyer starts telling recruits that he gunned down Tupac Shakur.

Friday

After weeks of underground buzz, the horror movie Paranormal Activity opens nationwide. Fans flee the theater in fear despite the fact the movie turns out to be a tape of the Oct. 11 Cleveland-Buffalo game.

The Philadelphia Daily News reports that Babe Ruth once dated Madonna.

On the 40th anniversary of the start of the Internet, scientists toast the first words ever posted: "Favre Sucks!!!"

An ex-girlfriend of Alex Rodriguez tells the New York Post that the slugger had a painting of himself as a half-horse/half-man Centaur. It turns out it was actually an enlarged trading card from A-Rod's 2003 HGH year.

Saturday

The Yankees win Game 3 of the World Series when TV replays show a Philadelphia Inquirer reporter putting Bengay in Alex Rodriguez's jockstrap.

J.J. Redick says he plans to release a rap album. This one doesn't need a joke.

Westminster Dog Show announcer Buck Laughlin is suspended after saying a missing Chihuahua was "out having a taco."

This week's guaranteed developments:

The Philadelphia Daily News will call for a recount after the Yankees win the World Series.

In an attempt to establish his street cred, Bobby Bowden will start telling recruits he's tight with Li'l Wayne Newton.

Alex "Centaur" Rodriguez will win the Breeders' Cup.