FanHouse Iowa Football

FanHouse is counting down the ten best, ten worst, and ten weirdest moments in Big Ten football history.

There's probably no more unlikely final point total for a football team than four. There's only one way to achieve that score, and that's with two safeties. The only less likely total is one, the winner's score in any forfeited game.

In October 2004 two teams with killer defenses and iffy offenses met in Happy Valley. The Iowa Hawkeyes were having a pretty good season; the Nittany Lions weren't. A botched snap on the first possession of the game led to a PSU safety, giving them their first lead in a Big Ten game all season. Iowa, behind QB Drew Tate, couldn't find the end zone all day; if not for two Kyle Schlicher field goals, they'd have gone scoreless. But Penn State couldn't even accomplish that much on offense. Quarterbacks Zack Mills and Michael Robinson combined for 96 yards and four interceptions, including a game-icing pick late in the fourth quarter. Nit rushers contributed an additional 66 yards, for a game total of 162 yards of offense. Iowa's numbers weren't much better.

For fans like me who love to watch great defense the game was a treat. But late in the game came one of the harshest on-the-field disses one coach has ever laid on another.

The Iowa-Iowa State rivalry may not be the sexiest intrastate rivalry in college football, but in Iowa, it's a sharp sword that slices the state in two. Even though the modern series is only 31 years old, the game is still one of the biggest events in Iowa year in and year out. Whether it's at Kinnick or Jack Trice, the stadium is always filled to the spilling point, and most of the rest of the state watches on TV.

Or at least they used to.

This year's Hawkeye-Cyclone game will be airing on the Big Ten Network, which still isn't available on many of Iowa's biggest cable systems. Comcast, the first major cable provider to sign with the BTN, barely has any subscribers in Iowa. A number of the state's smaller companies have signed on, but Mediacom, the state's largest provider, is still in negotiations with the network.

In its first year the games which aired on BTN provided plenty of memorable moments (like the notorious Appalachian State game) but relatively few of them were games with this degree of desirability. It's a brilliant move by the Big Ten Network to grab this game, which should put some pressure on Mediacom to get on board. I'm not sure how many Iowans would dump cable for satellite just for this game, but it's a good bet that you wouldn't want to be a Mediacom customer service rep if a deal doesn't get done before kickoff.

I no longer live in Iowa but I'm still in Big Ten country and I think it's past time for all sides to give a little and get a deal done. I can live without seeing my Hawkeyes take on Maine or Florida International (two other Iowa games that will air on BTN) but if I can't see Iowa-Iowa State? A pox on both their houses.

FanHouse is counting down the ten best, ten worst, and ten weirdest moments in the history of Big Ten football.

Hayden Fry was, for the media, like having an Instant Money Quote button. The West Texan coach was always good for something lively and interesting with which to season an otherwise bland story. Fry's flamboyant, down-home verbiage was an especially welcome contrast to the usual tight-lippedness of Iowans and their public figures.

Big Ten Media Day 1983, however, was a slight exception.

On that day, a reporter asked Fry if he thought college football players should receive a salary in addition to their scholarships. Fry said yes, noting that times had changed since his playing days at Baylor in the late 1940s. Back then, he said, players got $15 a month just so they could do their laundry, though few players washed their own clothes. "That wasn't any big deal," said the coach, "because you could find a little dumplin' to do the wash and then take her out to eat."

Now, there are a lot of ways in which Waco and Iowa City are not alike. Iowa City is as progressive as people tend to think it won't be. Fry's comment may have been innocent, but it certainly wasn't taken that way.

FanHouse is counting down the ten best, ten worst, and ten weirdest moments in Big Ten football history.

ABOVE: Touchdown Jesus wept. Or would have, if only Hesburgh Library had been built in 1953.

You're the coach of the #1 ranked football team in the nation. It's 1953, and your school doesn't accept bowl bids. You're trailing at home, 7-0 to an unranked team. It's just before halftime. You have the ball deep in their territory. The clock is running. You're out of time outs. What do you do? Do you (a) run a quick pitch towards the sidelines, (b) spike the ball, (c) take a knee and regroup at halftime, or (d) order your players to flop around like carp thrown on the riverbank, hoping the referee will call an injury time out so you can run one more play?

Now let's say it's late in that same game (very late) and you're now down 14-7. Again, no time outs. Would you dare try (d) again, assuming you got away with it the first time? Would you even suggest that more than one player fake an injury, just to be sure the refs have no choice but to stop the clock? You would? Well, you know what that makes you?

The Des Moines Register has some new details in the ongoing investigation into an alleged 2007 sexual assault case involving former Iowa Hawkeye football players Cedric Everson and Abe Satterfield. Everson and Satterfield have both been charged in the case.

Here is the executive summary: The alleged assault took place in a dorm room which was not assigned to anyone, yet somehow Everson and Satterfield both had keys to it. The room had previously been occupied by another football player. Subsequent to the alleged assault, that player and another player moved back into the room. They found two condoms (one new, one soiled) and what is described as "an orangish-reddish mess" on a mattress.

Just about all this information was floating around on message boards as early as last fall, not long after the incident. Yesterday's document release merely confirmed the details. What I found interesting in all of this is a university official's insistence that the university is not "a monitor of behavior" and resident advisers are there to serve as "educational assistants." Everyone who was educationally assisted by your RA in college, please scream.

(sound of crickets chirping)

I'd invite everyone whose behavior was monitored by an RA to spit on the ground, but the Midwest is already flooded.

The player who had occupied the room was ordered back in to the room by head coach Kirk Ferentz, according to the official documents. The other player isn't sure who told him to move into the room, but he says it wasn't Ferentz. (I'm leaving their names out of this since they weren't involved in the assault; their names are mentioned in the article I linked.)

So where does it go from here? The former players are charged already; now it seems like the investigation will move on to "who knew what, and when did they know it?" However, I imagine there are other priorities in Iowa City right now.

A regular trip through the college football blogosphere.

1. That list is how long? A list of Penn State malfeasance since 2002 has been kicking around message boards for the past few weeks and may have even spurred ESPN to sic Outside the Lines on the Nits. It has 61(!!!) separate incidents featuring Penn State players and the long arm of the law. Or, sometimes, the long arm of nothing in particular:

53. Joe Paterno - Road Rage - No Charges

As much as we all love the possibly apocryphal JoePa road rage incident, it resulted in no charges and, uh, did not involve a Penn State player.

Many of the other incidents are arrests that resulted in acquittals or college kids getting busted for holding a half-full Natty Lite, which is punishment in an of itself. The list is overstated. But how much?

Run Up The Score breaks it down for you. The general conclusion:

All in all, the Penn State Nittany Lions don't have a widespread, 1988 Miami Hurricanes style criminal gang disguised in plain football uniforms. They have a drinking and fighting problem. Players aren't shooting guns or selling drugs. They're getting loaded and brawling. While I take modest comfort in the fact that the football roster doesn't double as a suspect list from The Wire, there is still a rather obvious behavioral problem within the program.

This is probably because the man they should fear more than any other is kind of ancient and "works from home."

On Sunday, Iowa blog Black Heart Gold Pants posted some stunning pictures and video of the floods currently ravaging Iowa and provided some links for anyone who wished to donate to disaster relief efforts. The next day they got this from the Des Moines Register, which was the source of the video:

It has recently come to the attention of the Des Moines Register that you have improperly posted a video, the rights to which are held by The Register. A copy of your unauthorized use can be found at www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2008/6/15/552422/the-flood.

As the copyright owner of that video, The Des Moines Register has the exclusive right to its reproduction and distribution. We therefore ask that you immediately remove the posted article from your website and cease any and all further use of the material. Any continued posting or use will be considered willful copyright infringement.

This seems an exceptionally bad time to go all AP and exercise stupid copy "rights" that probably aren't even rights, right? Well... how do you think Black Heart, Gold Pants got the video in the first place? If you've ever been to youtube, you know:



An embed video link ON THE DES MOINES REGISTER WEBSITE. We have a new leader in the "Mainstream Media Asshat of the Year" competition.

FanHouse is counting down the ten best, ten worst, and ten weirdest moments in the history of Big Ten football.

Look, any other year it would have been a laugher. Chuck Long would have won the Heisman and won it so resoundingly that people would still be talking about his decisive victory. He led the Iowa Hawkeyes to the outright conference title and in so doing became the first Big Ten quarterback with more than 10,000 career passing yards. His numbers from 1985 are just sick--260 of 388 for 3,297 yards and 27 touchdowns.

For crying out loud, so far as anybody can tell, Chuck Long is the only player in NCAA history who played in five bowl games. So where is his Heisman?

It's in the living room of one Vincent Edward "Bo" Jackson.

Now, let's be perfectly clear about one thing: Bo Jackson was indeed a very fine football player, probably one of the best I've ever seen. So all you folks in east-central Alabama can put away your shotguns and stop composing that indignant message board post you started the minute you saw this headline. By no means am I suggesting that your beloved running back didn't deserve the trophy. I'm just suggesting that there was somebody out there who deserved it more.

One of my favorite high school teachers had a Hayden Fry poster in the classroom and made everyone in class know who he was and the history behind the man. Mind you this was in California. And none of my classmates cared about college football. Or Iowa. Or middle aged men with lockjaw scowls on posters. But darned if he didn't love that man.

Enter "Bergwood" AKA Andrew Hawtrey. From an interview with Sports Illustrated On Campus:

SIOC: So I'll ask the obvious: If you're stopping your real life car in traffic to touch a college football icon, who is it?

Andrew Hawtrey: Hayden Fry!And let me tell you why. He is the man that brought winning to Iowa after 19 straight years of losing seasons. Three Big Ten titles, three Rose Bowl appearances and 14 bowl games. And let's not forget painting the visiting team locker rooms pink because it's a calming color and his use of plays he called "exotics". (When you say "exotics" you must use a Texas accent to get the full effect.) He is in the College Football Hall of Fame and while at SMU he was the first coach to integrate the Southeast Conference. I almost forgot about all the current and past head coaches that coach Fry had as assistant coaches or players. Kirk Ferentz (Iowa), Bob Stoops (Oklahoma), Mike Stoops (Arizona), Bill Snyder(Kansas State), Barry Alvarez (Wisconsin), Bret Bielema (Wisconsin), Dan McCarney (Iowa State), Chuck Long (San Diego State), Jim Leavitt (South Florida) and Bo Pelini (Nebraska). I would be honored to touch all of them, and if I get my chance I will!

Coach Hayden Fry is my college football God and I bow at his alter. I would be breathless if I were even able to get close enough to touch him. I am so jazzed right now talking about coach Fry so much I'm going to go kick some field goals and imagine myself being Rob Houghtlin winning the 1985 Michigan game with two seconds left on the clock.

If that wasn't a breathless response I don't know what is. Now's a good time to mention "Bergwood" grew up -- according to SIOC -- directly across the street from Iowa's Kinnick Stadium. We'll give him the homer pass.

University of Iowa police have issued arrest warrants for two former Hawkeye defensive backs in connection with an alleged sexual assault which took place on campus last October. Cedric Everson and Abe Satterfield were both suspended by Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz on October 23.

Ferentz didn't explain at the time why Everson and Satterfield were suspended, but Internet rumors quickly centered on an incident much like what came to light when the warrants were announced yesterday. Both Satterfield and Everson are charged with second-degree sexual abuse. In Iowa, that means that the perpetrator displays a dangerous weapon in a threatening manner, or if the crime is aided by one or more persons. Satterfield is additionally charged with third-degree sexual abuse, which involves mental or physical incapacitation, physical helplessness, or a victim under the influence of a controlled substance.

Satterfield is denying his involvement. Everson has yet to comment. Ferentz isn't saying anything much, but he wants you to remember that Everson and Satterfield are both ex-Hawkeyes.

The Des Moines Register's Sean Keeler says this could be just the beginning of an ugly period in Hawkeye football history. It's hardly the beginning, from this fan's point of view, but Keeler says Ferentz himself could be in trouble.