FanHouse Mlb

...for Joe Mauer of the Minnesota Twins for simultaneously being the Magic Johnson and the Larry Bird of professional baseball. He puts up insane numbers (especially for a catcher, which is a talking point I'm sure you need more information about), he plays fair even when he doesn't have to, and he reminds us that the Average White Guy still has something to contribute to popular sports.

The Dugout is also thankful for those of you who are still figuring out that we moved to Back Porch. A big shout out to all of our returning fans, including David from the Hanger Orthopedic Group! What's up, Dave! This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

For what official press statements are calling "some reason," Major League Baseball has awarded their 2009 National League Cy Young award to Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum is most famous for winning the award last year, and for recently being arrested for possession of marijuana. He is an enchanter and an amazing pitcher, but my blogger sense is telling me to jump to irrational conclusions and declare that he didn't deserve it. He only won 15 games, which is even less than Greinke. Whatever, Jeter won a gold glove again, we might as well give participation trophies to everyone.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

The streak is over. The American League completely ignored the 7-9 record and 1.62 WHIP of Cleveland's Aaron Laffey and named Kansas City's Zack Greinke as their 2009 Cy Young Award winner. With Greinke's accomplishment comes the realization that the Indians have no choice but to keep all of their pitchers next season and that my Tribe bobblehead collection is about to get fifteen more Grady Sizemores in occupational clothing.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart and one of his correspondents absolutely destroyed the New York media for the way in which they cover, well, everything. For instance, the Paris Hilton DUI ridiculousness. Or, alternately, the fact that Alex Rodriguez has a painting of himself as a centaur on his wall in his bedroom.

Because someone thought that was important enough to ask A-Rod ladyfriend Kate Hudson about it recently. And lest you laugh (I mean, you should laugh at the whole idea of the painting), SERIOUS journalism outlet US Weekly got neither confirmation nor denial from Hudson on this very important matter.

Earlier this week it was reported that former World Series MVP and Seattle Mariners bullpen coach John Wetteland had been taken to a hospital with an undisclosed "mental issue." Some reports said it was an issue related to suicide, some where saying it was a domestic dispute that got out of hand... I've been refreshing my Twitter page for the last four days in the hopes of getting the scoop, but all I've learned so far is that Lady Gaga is "fug," Bill Belichick has no idea how to coach professional football, and that one of my friends is RT: about to eat dinner.

Regardless, the Mariners are Serious Business™ in the world of The Dugout, so I wanted to skip the facts and get straight to anonymously slandering people. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Before the 2009 season began, few would've predicted actor Anthony Anderson, most famous for his role in "My Baby's Daddy" and for saying AN HE HOPPIN AWAYYY in "Kangaroo Jack," as baseball's next big breakout star. With a high batting average and power to boot, Anderson impressed fans by... wait, that's not Anthony Anderson? Is that David Ortiz? When did they trade David Ortiz to the Giants? Who the hell is THIS guy?

Well, whoever he is, the Giants want to train him like a panda bear, so that's funny enough for me. Also, I didn't know you could grow a beard that far above your chin.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

Dock Ellis pitched for the Pirates from 1968-1975, and he won 19 games during the team's 1971 World Series season. But he's best remembered for three incidents, all of which are marginally related to baseball, mostly in a "Yeah, Dock did something insane again ... oh, and he happened to be at work when it happened" sorta way.

He beaned Reggie Jackson in the face, allegedly in retaliation for Jackson's prodigious home run at the 1971 All-Star game.

The World Wide Leader fired production assistant Brooke Hundley late last month after news broke that she had an extramarital affair with ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips.

Hundley made her first public appearance Thursday to tell her side of the story. In an interview with Good Morning America, the 22-year-old explained that she wasn't stalking Phillips, and that she didn't mean to intentionally hurt Phillips' wife by sending her a letter detailing the illicit relationship.

Hundley admitted during the interview that, "When not only tabloids were covering [this story] but legitimate news was covering it, when Jay Leno was using my looks as part of his opening monologue, to get a cheap laugh ... a person has their breaking point. That was my breaking point."

You can see the entire GMA interview after the jump.

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Earlier this year, Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino did a joint interview with Jon Gosselin from the TLC reality-docudrama "Jon and Kate Plus Eight." I guess that makes them best friends forever, because online newspapers and gossip communities frothing at the mouth for something to rag on during the Lady Gaga "Bad Romance" video delay are "reporting" that Victorino invited the fertile d-hole to his Saved by the Bell-style Hawaiian wedding this month.

Tonight's Dugout, which might as well be a bunch of still photos of celebrities walking, is after the jump.