FanHouse Nba

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. -- Desperation oozed from every pore. If New York-area basketball hasn't reached its nadir, it's only because the NBA has a silly rule that some team must win. Otherwise, who knows how low this charade might go? The players might be the ones slipping paper bags over their heads, to match the fans' embarrassment as they sit in the stands and try not to rubberneck.

Though plenty of empty seats were available, more than the usual few gluttons for punishment showed up at the Izod Center Saturday afternoon, hoping to see ... what? New Jersey Nets coach Lawrence Frank fired after the first quarter? New York Knicks owner James Dolan do an about-face and sign Allen Iverson to a multi-year deal? The teams set a combined record for most horrendous shooting in four quarters? Dora the Explorer, the day's big draw, dunk over Nate Robinson? The possibilities really were endless.

As it was, the Nets dropped to 0-13 and continued to careen dangerously toward matching the league record of 17 straight losses to open a season. The Knicks, by virtue of their 98-91 victory, actually won consecutive games to improve to 3-9, and can now turn their focus back on the real goal: convincing LeBron James, or any big free agent to-be, that the cesspool really isn't as nasty as it currently looks.

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Of all the headlines I read today, the one you see above is now second on the "didn't see that coming" list after "Al Roker Loses Mind Previewing Weather for Sunday Night Football". Apparently, 50 Cent and his entourage went after Marv Albert backstage at Jimmy Kimmel Live last night.

At least if you believe the Los Angeles Times (or if you prefer to get your news from more reputable sources, here ya go):

Not sure Jeremy Shockey should be the final arbiter of who's fit to play in the NFL and who isn't, but he took to Twitter to explain to all the football simpletons that LeBron James couldn't cut it. Just in case that wasn't obvious from the outset.


The thing is, after James made the comments, and Browns head coach Eric Mangini offered a "come on down," some people figured all that was left to do was sign the contract and get him fitted for a a uniform. Not sure how it got to that point, but thankfully, Shockey, who came out of retirement this season to resume his career (Wait, he was in the league last year? Really?), has set us straight.

The video is for Ron Artest's new song, "Blind." The audio makes me wish I was deaf.

All (easy) jokes aside, this is not terrible, Ron. But I prefer your earlier work. Things get old school after the jump.

It's another Nike scheme, I suspect, perpetrated to create a rush on LeBron James' new, customized No. 6 jersey. Seems even the swooshheads have to compete against the iPod Touch, Nintendo Wii, PlayStation 3 and Guitar Hero, right? That said, if it truly was LeBron's idea to relinquish No. 23 out of deference to Michael Jeffrey Jordan, I congratulate him for his style.

While admonishing Stan Van Gundy for his ignorance.

James wants every NBA player wearing No. 23 to follow his lead and find another number. It's an idea akin to placing the image of longtime basketball great Jerry West on the league's logo, a silhouette that has survived to this day. If Jordan indeed is the greatest player ever -- and anyone who disagrees should have his sports fan credentials revoked -- it's appropriate to, in effect, retire his jersey without the actual ceremony. James is the one player worthy of the number, as a legitimate heir to Jordan, and he doesn't feel right wearing it. So why would the inferior likes of Devin Brown, Toney Douglas, Stephen Graham, Wesley Matthews, Jodie Meeks, Byron Mullens, C.J. Watson and Martell Webster not feel sheepish, much less embarrassed, in continuing to wear the sacred digits? Only Jason Richardson, Marcus Camby and Kevin Martin have displayed enough skill and accomplishment at the highest level to not draw sneers for wearing No. 23. Yet they, too, should pay tribute to Jordan and get with the LeBron plan.

Bill Simmons has gone from humble Boston-area blogger to the voice of ESPN.com in about a decade. And now his second book, The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy, is atop the New York Times bestseller list.

He appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live earlier this week (Simmons briefly left ESPN to write for Kimmel's show) to discuss the book and during the seven minute interview we learned a lot. Like the fact that Simmons used crystal meth, sports a weave, and had a 10-year sexual relationship with his father. At least to hear Kimmel explain it.*

Simmons also talked about an interaction he had with one hardcore fan during his recent Los Angeles book signing. Moving pictures details after the jump.

Several years ago Chicago Tribune writer Rick Morrissey -- likely blinded by the seersucker suit, the afro and the beautiful gaze of Joakim Noah -- pronounced that the Bulls' first-rounder was "soft" and "simply didn't have any game." At the time, he said if Noah proved him wrong, he would eat his column with salsa.

Whoops. Noah is averaging over 12 boards and 11 points per game through Tuesday evening and therefore, Morrissey was wrong. Fortunately for all of us, he decided to man up and do exactly what he promised, by eating his column with salsa. Morrissey declined to return emails to FanHouse (I can't imagine why) when we requested a statement regarding the taste of the column and embarrassment of the situation.

So rumors were all we had until Tuesday. Fortunately, the Tribune knows a thing or two about viral videos and social media, so video emerged. Salsa-soaked hand pound to Not Qualified to Comment for passing it along -- semi-boring footage of a newspaper writer eating a dying medium soaked in salsa after the jump.

Va'Shaundya O'Neal, otherwise known as Shaunie, is once again splitting from Shaquille O'Neal -- and this time she claims the differences are irreconcilable.

Va'Shaundya O'Neal filed for legal separation with intent to divorce Monday in Los Angeles. According to the AP report, she's seeking spousal and child support and full legal custody of the couple's four children.

Elie Seckbach, the Embedded Correspondent, brings his exclusive video reporting to FanHouse. Check back regularly for more videos.

There are close to 4.5 million Native Americans living in about 565 federally recognized communities across the Untied States. Many of these communities have been neglected, and unemployment in some areas is as high as 80 percent. The shortage of funds results in little to no organized youth sports activities. Diabetes and obesity are fast-growing problems.

Check out the video after the jump.