
The Browns returned to Cleveland in 1999, but they have been a perennial expansion team ever since. For some reason, 2009 seems worse than previous seasons. Maybe it's Eric Mangini's blinding incompetence, or the fact that Brady Quinn is to the quarterback position what JaMarcus Russell is to the quarterback position.
Whatever, the organization that continually strives for mediocrity continues to fall woefully short. Which is why we've decided to distract ourselves from the putridity by creating a roster of non-football-playing professional athletes who would immediately make the Browns better. That's not hyperbole.
For the moment,
Week 1 of the NFL season featured some gut-wrenching losses and improbable finishes across the league. Take, for example, the
So now, as quickly as it takes to make one phone call (wink-wink), the story flip-flops. Turns out the 62-year-old Buffalo taxi driver who allegedly was assaulted by young hockey star
In Chicago,
DETROIT -- Extraordinary. Wait, that word isn't grand enough to describe what happened here Friday night. Thrilling? Stunning? It was both, and so much more. It was babyface goalie
DETROIT – Sure, the flying octopi help. So do the throngs of rabid fans wearing jerseys ringed in the color of blood, and a no-nonsense building that doesn't require fancy bells and whistles in order to rock, and old-school rituals that get passed down like success.
PITTSBURGH -- 

























