FanHouse Ohio State Football

Buckeye fans may remember an OSU receiver by the name of Cris Carter, who went on to have a rather nondescript career in the NFL. Carter was an All-American receiver at OSU in the early 80's before he caught a paltry 1,101 passes in the NFL, 130 for touchdowns.

Weak, right? Right. It appears, then, that his son Duron is ready to continue the Buckeye legacy (for some reason!), as he recently committed to the Buckeyes:

"I felt very comfortable with the coaching staff," Carter said. "I like the way that Ohio State as a whole and the city of Columbus treats their players on and off the field and I felt like it was the right place for me."

Carter is a 6'3", 185 pound wideout (of course), and he stands to create a devastating combination with superrecruit Terrelle Pryor. Wait, what's that sound? Never mind, it's just Michigan fans throwing themselves off the top of the Big House.

3 ... 2... 1 ... Splat, in a straw cowboy hat. Not sure whether this was a puke-and-rally scene or if Ohio State's star cornerback (formerly pictured at right -- we're working to add the picture again) executed the El Foldo maneuver and called it a night.

Background: Playboy invites players named on its preseason college football All American team to hang out, bond, and, well, party together before the season.

They take group pictures for the magazine, but otherwise have a lot of free time on their hands. Sometimes that free time is spent wearing silly straw cowboy hats. Sometimes it's spent with women you won't be taking home to mother.

... And sometimes its spent refunding your lunch and all the good stuff that had you so cheerful earlier in the evening. Dagnabbit (sorry, straw hat talking there).

More documented fun at the link. Hint: USC's linebackers dwarf James Laurinaitis.

Update: Looks like the thread was pulled with all the images from the event. Hmm. Most of the pictures in the now-escaped thread showed several Ohio State and USC players hanging out together, partying, with women, etc. Standard stuff. And of course the former picture of Jenkins above losing his lunch. You'll have to take our word for it. It was funny. Bent over puke on the sidwalk funny. Darn lawyers.

Like boom boom, world's gonna end crazy talk.

[USC fans] know that [Ohio State is] gonna slaughter the Trojans, and therefore they do not want me there at the bloodbath, since it's probably the last football game we'll ever get to see before the United States gets blown up by the Islamists under Obama.

Uh huhhhh. Oh, and the conservative Los Angeles based radio host wants his USC listeners to offer him tickets. Good luck with that.

Crazy as this sounds, I'm actually going to defend Hewitt a bit.

I won't defend the world's-gonna-end part, I'll leave that to our sister site News Bloggers to have fun with, but since we're talking college football here ... let it be known Hewitt is an unabashed Ohio State and Notre Dame (and Michigan) guy. USC naturally gets under his skin. I've listened to his show enough to know that one of his favorite things to do is bash USC. It's his schtick, and he gets particular glee from it considering the greatest chunk of his national audience is in USC-mad Orange County, where he also works as a law professor.

I've seen this act before and taken out of context it sounds crazy, but he truly is just being himself and hoping for a rise out of the USC contingent within his listening audience. As a person holding tickets to that game, I won't be offering Hewitt mine, nor do I think it will be a bloodbath in the Buckeyes' favor. But I am thoroughly amused at his opinion, which is what he was aiming for in the first place.

Now about that world's-gonna-end thing ...

(Via: Get The Picture / EDSBS)

Garrett Goebel wants to CRUSH THIS BOOM!

These are the words of Garrett Goebel, a highly-touted defensive tackle who will be a freshman at Ohio State this fall:

BPRT: This is your senior year...what goals have you set personally and for your team?

GG: I plan on winning Conference, winning all playoff games, and becoming the Illinois Class 5A Champions!!! Also, developing leadership skills while convincing my teammates that they can perform at a higher level and accomplish team/personal goals IF THEY ARE WILLING TO MAKE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE!!!

Dude. The first five relevant hits for "ultimate sacrifice" in Google: the crucifixion of Jesus, catrato castration, Indian woman climbing on top of husband's funeral pyre, memorial to deceased American soldiers, and... awwww, goddammit, Tim Russert. (No offense to Russert, but... maybe his death was not the equivalent of a pope or something?)

Goebel is clearly AMPED up and likes to WIN. WIN AT YELLING. MORE! After the JUMP! GRRR AAARRGH!

"Old School" is the College Football FanHouse's irregular look back at the rich history of college football, usually through the medium of embeddable flash video. Check out the Old School archive for more famous plays and infamous hair.

A little tribute to The MZone, the recently departed Michigan blog that had a brief fling with fame when Colin Cowherd ripped off some of their content, in the form of a 1980s Ohio State commercial heavy on the Buckstaches:



Oh, yeah, and there's AN ENORMOUS INSECT ROBOT THAT'S GOING TO KILL US ALL.

(via Our Honor Defend.)

Intrepid writers have long earched for perfect comparisons for football teams. We've seen Simpsons characters, Arrested Development characters, cars, potato chips, and the granddaddy of them all, rappers. Here, we add another chapter to the canon of contextualization: standup comedians.


Frank Caliendo: UCLA

Your absolute, ultimate, professional pretender. Sure, they're popular, but that's because they're right there in Hollywood. Setting foot on national TV for the sole purpose of getting laughed right back off of it. An uncanny ability to make people sick of them before enjoying them.

Key comparison: HIS COACHNESS SIR RICK NEUHEISEL <3 and Caliendo's impression of John Madden. Lucky they're next to someone who knows what the hell he's talking about--"Thanks, John."

George Carlin: Penn State

Transcendent in the 80s, still outstanding in the 90s, but now the wheels are off the track, and the words most bandied about are "senile," "bitter," and "angry."

Key comparison: George Carlin's voice and Joe Paterno's voice. Somewhere between gravelly and demonic at this point.

[NOTE: Carlin passed away after this portion was written, but there's absolutely zero chance that he would want people dodging jokes about him in the wake of his death.]

Dane Cook: Texas

Undeniably popular, and probably earning it. Probably. Sure, there's an odor of douche to it all (Colt McCoy, get a real name, please), but that comes with popularity these days, right? Right? Whatever, you're just jealous.

Key comparison: Superfinger and Hook'Em salute. Put them together, and it's Wonder Twin Powers Activate!

When Antonio Henton is an old man, he'll have a lot of memories of his time in Columbus, Ohio as a member of the Ohio State football team. He'll be able to tell his grandchildren about the time he offered that undercover police officer $20 for sex, and about those six passes he got to throw in Ohio Stadium, one of which was for a touchdown.

Then he'll get to tell them about how the Buckeyes recruited freshman phenom quarterback Terrelle Pryor, basically ending any chance Antonio ever had of becoming a starter, and he decided to transfer to Georgia Southern.

Several sources close to the team said that Antonio Henton is expected to transfer to Georgia Southern. Coach Jim Tressel refused to confirm the move, saying only that Henton "is a good kid." As of last night, sources said Henton had not told team officials he was leaving.

It's hard to blame Henton for the decision because he didn't leave his home state of Georgia for Ohio State to sit on the bench for five years. Plus, going to a new school will help him get a fresh start after the legal troubles and suspension he had to deal with in Columbus. Not to mention that he'll be reunited with his high school coach, Rance Gillespie, who is now the offensive coordinator at Georgia Southern.

As for the Buckeyes, while Antonio's departure is not the end of the world, it doesn't leave much experience behind starter Todd Boeckman. Henton was the QB #2 on the roster, and will now be replaced by two freshman in Joe Bauserman and the aforementioned Pryor, neither of which have thrown a pass as a Buckeye.

Let's cut right to the chase:



What is this? A creepy porn shoot released into the wild by embittered Michigan fans? An American Gladiators tryout? An America's Next Top Model photo shoot?

Oh, you know the answer's coming after the jump.

This is just a weird picture even if you know that Arnold Palmer went to Ohio State Wake Forest way back in nineteen dickety-two:


Palmer looks a little like Sam Cassell, Terrelle Pryor is evidently getting his fashion tips from new head coach/demon Jim Tressel, and that guy with the goatee looks like he wandered in from a Cheech and Chong look-alike competition, man.

At least Pryor has better luck than Brady Quinn when it comes to random pictures of him ending up on the internet.

Also: nice watch! Someone call the NCAA!

UPDATE: Yeah, apparently Arnold Palmer went to Wake Forest. Nicklaus went to OSU. So this is even more inexplicable.

(Via Busted Coverage.)

FanHouse is counting down the ten best, ten worst, and ten weirdest moments in the history of Big Ten football.

Could a coach at Ohio State go 1-11 and still stay in the fans' good graces as long as the one win was against Michigan? Unless both programs take a ride on the porcelain Tilt-A-Whirl, we'll never know. Can a Buckeye coach go 11-1 (or at least only have one loss) and still find himself in the doghouse because the one loss was against the Wolverines? Ask John Cooper. He did that twice.

Cooper coached the Buckeyes from 1988 to 2000. He replaced Earle Bruce, who had the onerous task of following Woody Hayes. Bruce decamped to the University of Northern Iowa following a 6-4-1 season in 1987. His final game was a 23-20 win over the Wolverines in Ann Arbor. Bruce had already been fired before the game was played.

Enter Cooper, brought in from Arizona State to turn things around. Which he did. In 1988 his Buckeyes were 4-6-1 and lost to Michigan, 34-31. Things got a little better from there, as Coop made the Buckeyes a consistent eight-win team. That's pretty good in most places other than Columbus. The Michigan thing became a problem, though, as Coop went winless in his first five games against That School Up North. 1993, however, would prove to be a breakthrough season for Cooper.