FanHouse Purdue Football

The life of a Division I student-athlete is, to be sure, difficult. They must balance a schedule that includes class, homework, practice, and if Purdue safety Torri Williams is any indication, MINDBLOWING UNHOLY AMOUNTS OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.

Williams was arrested Wednesday after allegedly stealing condoms from a local grocery store, which leads us to believe that the combined strain of strict NCAA amateurism guidelines and his sizable carnal obligations broke his bank. Perhaps he was unclear on the way condom distribution works; just because Planned Parenthood gives them away doesn't mean they're free everywhere, sadly.

Confounding matters is the fact that this isn't Williams' first transgression; he is currently on probation after pleading guilty to an OWI in December (Bonus gratuitous Purdue smear: he was driving from a nightclub where former teammate Selwyn Lymon was stabbed that night!), so that just might be more bad news.

Outgoing Purdue head coach Joe Tiller has suspended Williams indefinitely, which means he may now focus his attention on reclaiming good legal standing. Oh, and the fifty-seven young ladies right over there waiting to have tantric circus sex with him. He may focus on them too.

FanHouse is counting down the 10 best, 10 worst, and 10 weirdest moments in Big Ten football history.

The phrase "three yards and a cloud of dust" was coined to describe Big Ten football, and it's still a fairly apt description of the conference's beefy, run-first mentality. That is not to say, however, that the forward pass is still a novelty in the Big Ten. Indeed, some pretty good quarterbacks have come out of the conference. A guy in New England comes to mind, for instance.

There was one particular day, though, when everything truly went berserk. That day was November 8, 1980. On that Saturday afternoon, the Big Ten's record for the most passing yards in a single game was broken not once but twice. In fact, not only was the conference's single-game passing record broken, so was the NCAA's. Even more improbably, two other national passing records were broken that day, though not by Big Ten quarterbacks.

Was there something in the air that day? Well, duh. Footballs were in the air. Everywhere.

Curtis Painter: coming to an incredibly disappointed NFL city near you.

College football fans outside of Boston were by in large puzzled by the NFL's lofty opinion of 61st-rated passer Matt Ryan, the third pick in the NFL draft. Why Ryan went so high will be a mystery until such time as he proves himself Not Rick Mirer or Not Joey Harrington, but at least Ryan's team played pretty well and, you know, beat some teams that weren't repugnant.

The same cannot be said for Mel Kiper's top-rated senior quarterback for the 2009 NFL draft, Missouri's Chase Dan-- wait... what? CURTIS PAINTER?

10. Curtis Painter, QB, Purdue (6-3½, 225)
He's an impressive pure thrower, but what I liked about Painter's junior season was his improved game management. In 2006, Painter threw 22 touchdowns, but he also had 19 interceptions. Last season, he threw 29 touchdowns but had only 11 picks.

Painter does have one thing in common with Ryan: an underwhelming passer efficiency rating (46th last year in Joe Tiller's QB-friendly system) against a wretched schedule. Outside of the Big Ten, Purdue went up against Notre Dame, Toledo, Eastern Illinois, and Central Michigan... twice.

And, like... last year Tiller completely changed his offense to this weird pistol-option thing that got Purdue's run percentage up 50% specifically because he was terrified of Painter. And he's not good. I know, I've watched him for like four hundred years.

Aaarrarraaarahaa. Oatmeal!

Michigan had a commando raid of a Signing Day, picking off recruits from Florida (OL Ricky Barnum), Penn State (RB Michael Shaw) and Purdue (WR Roy Roundree). No doubt someone somewhere will mutter darkly about how Bo wouldn't stand for this sort of thing, but this is just part of the game these days.

Michigan's victims know it. Penn State's impressive 2006 class had something like 7 decommits in it, and Urban Meyer is well-known for recruiting anything that isn't nailed down by a LOI.

Purdue? Well, Purdue ain't happy:

"If we had an early signing date, you wouldn't have another outfit with a guy in a wizard hat selling snake oil get a guy at the last minute, but that's what happened," Tiller said.

Evocative imagery from the Big Ten's most crotchety coach, but Tiller wants to take away Roy Roundtree's ability to make a decision he wants to make. If Roundtree wanted to play for Purdue, he would.

Good news for those worried about a distinct lack of life insurance, Quaker Oats, and diabeetus jokes with the now-official exit of Purdue coach Joe Tiller: Purdue's coach-in-waiting is Danny Hope, a former Tiller assistant who was until recently the head coach at Eastern Kentucky, and Danny Hope looks uncannily like a young, vigorous walrus eager to tell you all about the wonderful products available at Liberty Mutual.

It's freaky, isn't it? The picture at right doesn't really do it justice. Click through on the link above and you'll be transported in a David Lynch movie where Hell is a circular dimension where everyone eventually starts looking like Wilford Brimley. Or maybe that's just me.

As far as hires go, this one seems reasonable but not exactly Bobby Petrino to Arkansas. Hope was Tiller's offensive line coach at Wyoming and Purdue until he left in 2002, whereupon he became EKU's head coach. In five years there he's gone 35-22, leading the Colonels* to a 9-3 record and a conference championship this year. He runs Tiller's spread, too, so the transition should be relatively smooth.

*(No... seriously. Their dorm cafeteria fried chicken must be amazing.)

Previously On Fanhouse:
Paul Chryst Won't Be Taking Joe Tiller's Job
Is Joe Tiller Going To Leave Purdue?
Could Joe Tiller Lose His Job?

Earlier this week I wrote about reports that Purdue athletic director Morgan Burke had been interviewing potential replacements for Joe Tiller. More specifically Wisconsin's offensive coordinator, Paul Chryst.

Well, Bret Bielema can breathe a little easier now, because Chryst isn't going to Purdue.

According to sources, offensive coordinator Paul Chryst will not be leaving UW to replace Joe Tiller at Big Ten Conference rival Purdue. The sources added that although Chryst was on the list of potential candidates, he never received an offer.

Still, this isn't good news for Tiller because Purdue isn't done looking for his replacement. The newest name to come up is Eastern Kentucky's head coach Danny Hope. Hope has coached under Tiller twice in his career, in Wyoming in 1996, and at Purdue from 1997-2001.

If Hope were to take an offer from Purdue, should they make one, he would serve as an assistant to Tiller in 2008 before taking over the program himself in 2009.

Of course, it's important to keep in mind that Joe Tiller isn't exactly behind this plan and has made no mention of retirement that I know of. So it's still entirely possible that if Hope does go to Purdue, he won't have to spend a year as Tiller's assistant. "5-0 Joe" may just quit.

(Via Wizard of Odds)

Last month I wrote about the growing sentiment in West Lafayette that it may be time for Joe Tiller to go. At the time Purdue Athletic Director Morgan Burke didn't come out and say he was looking for a new coach, but he also didn't deny that he was considering it either, which couldn't have been very comforting for Tiller.

Well, Tiller has even more reason to be paranoid now because Burke is out there looking for Tiller's eventual replacement.

Purdue University has talked to at least one potential eventual replacement for football coach Joe Tiller, though Purdue's athletic director said there is no immediate plan for a change.

"Joe Tiller is my coach next year," Morgan Burke told the Lafayette Journal and Courier.

Okay, that just makes a ton of sense. I'm not going to fire my head coach yet, I just want to get in some practice interviews with new candidates in case I do!

Obviously this isn't sitting well with Tiller, nor would you expect it to, and now there's a possibility that Burke won't be able to fire Tiller either this year or next. No, Joe may just tell Burke to take this job and shove it.

However, conversations about an eventual replacement have angered Tiller and prompted him to consider leaving the Boilermakers immediately, according to several reports.

This is the first I've heard of this, but apparently there's a growing sentiment in West Lafayette that it could be time for Purdue head coach Joe Tiller to go. Boilermakers fans aren't happy with the way the team lost it's last three games to finish 7-5, and they aren't happy with the performance of the program as a whole the last few years.

I guess the idea of spending a couple of days in Detroit during the winter for the Motor City Bowl isn't the type of reward Purdue fans were waiting for.

The question was asked of Purdue AD Morgan Burke if there was any thought about replacing Tiller, and unfortunately for Joe, Burke didn't come right out and deny it.

"The hardest decision for any AD is when to decide if the program will benefit from new leadership," Purdue athletic director Morgan Burke replied via e-mail. "It is not a science, and there are times you may go too fast or too slow, but if you keep in mind the obligation to the kids and remain willing to be objective, more often than not you will make the right decision at the right time.

"Unfortunately, that will make the AD unpopular at times, but I would prefer that to a short-term, ill-advised fix that carries short-term pats on the back, only to be followed by a significant and long-term decline in performance."

I don't think Purdue will fire Tiller after this season, even if the team loses in the Motor City Bowl, but if Purdue doesn't improve next season, Tiller may find himself out of a job then.

Maybe Michigan will still be looking for a coach?

I reported here yesterday about the latest incident involving Purdue wideout Selwyn Lymon. Excuse me, I meant former Purdue wideout Selwyn Lymon.

It seems that Lymon's latest arrest for DUI and resisting arrest, along with a bar fight that resulted in Lymon being stabbed back in March, is just too much for Purdue, and they've kicked Selwyn off the team.

"Selwyn is the victim of making some very poor choices, and, in addition to dealing with the legal ramifications of those poor choices, he no longer will be a part of the football program at Purdue," coach Joe Tiller said in a statement.

A Tippecanoe County court magistrate on Monday ordered Lymon jailed without bond. He also was charged with resisting arrest and operating a vehicle without an ignition interlock device required as a condition of previous charges.

Lymon compared his dismissal to being "stabbed in the back. At least when I was stabbed in the chest, I saw it coming."*

*Totally not true

With so many teams in the Big Ten bowl eligible this season, it's entirely possible the 7-5 Purdue Boilermakers will find themselves at home this bowl season. If they do end up playing in a bowl game though, it's also entirely possible they'll be playing in the game without Selwyn Lymon.

Lymon was arrested early on Monday morning for drunken driving and resisting arrest.

Lymon was being held without bond at Tippecanoe County Jail on Monday following his Sunday morning arrest in West Lafayette. Police say he had a blood-alcohol content of .15 percent, nearly double the state's legal limit.

Lymon's junior season has been a bit of a disappointment, because even though he has made seven more catches this season, he's gained 130 less yards. He's fourth on the team with 40 receptions for 450 yards and two touchdowns.

Coach Joe Tiller didn't have anything to say about the incident on Monday, so we can't be sure what punishment the school plans on handing out. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if Lymon is suspended from any bowl game Purdue may end up in because this isn't the first time Lymon's gotten into trouble this year.

You may remember that he was stabbed in the chest back in March after getting into a fight in West Lafayette outside of a bar.