FanHouse The Dugout

The Chicago Cubs have finally won. They've got a new owner who isn't afraid to go straight to the local media and announce that the Cubs are going to the World Series. Boastful words, considering that the Cubs haven't even made it to the playoffs since Abraham Lincoln was in office. But it's just this sort of powerful, positive thinking that can do wonders for a ballclub, and as far as baby steps go, this is a pretty freaking big baby.

The transcript of Tom Ricketts being prideful before another season full of "every Cubs season" is after the jump.

Bud Selig is not the kind of commissioner to sit there jamming his fingers up his snout, doing nothing. No, Bud Selig is going to change baseball for the better. Why, right now Bud is probably at his desk, passionately compiling a fool-proof system of plans to increase ticket sales, inflate national interest, and level the financial playing field for all teams. Yes, this is what he's doing, not giving soundbites to the MLB Network about how the World Series is going to be "good." He's racing around helping people. I like to imagine that he has a special car.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Whoever was just hired as the hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, raise your hand. All right, you in the suit. Tell us how you got the job. What? You don't want to talk about it? Hey that seems pretty weird!

Yes, 2010 will see the return of shadowy figure Mark McGwire to Major League Baseball. He should use his influence to get the Cards to sign Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds to coaching deals as well, and everyone in St. Louis can root for a ball club instructed by the Monstars.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

Unless The Lord decides to once again destroy the evil of the world with a thunderous rainstorm tonight, we're going to get Game 6 of the ALCS between the Yankees and the Angels. By now, we've asked practically every question imaginable. We've analyzed and blogged incessantly about the importance of Jeter, about the managerial decisions, about the umpires. We've jumped to conclusions (Phillies/Yankees!). We've hopped bandwagons. We've changed our point of view. So hey, could somebody up there please just stop the god forsaken rainfall so we can get this series over with?

To further exacerbate this black hole of logical sports discussion, here is a facetious Dugout to be taken seriously by Yankees fans that retreads everything everyone has already said.

The playoffs are almost over and the stage is set for the defending World Champion Philadelphia Phillies to face the dreadnought New York Yankees ... or the Los Angeles Angels Angels, pending a dead Christopher Lloyd-style miracle.

The bottom line is this: the World Series is like one block to our left, and we're going to have to start buckling down and making some declarative statements. Before we do that, though, today's Dugout features some pre-ALCS decision arguing and some sad realities.

To me, the playoffs mean one thing: the wise decision-making skills of Cleveland Indians General Manager Mark Shapiro! After firing Jim Thome/snapping turtle hybrid Eric Wedge as the Tribe head coach, Shapiro has really gotten down in the dirt to find a new skipper, looking in the only place you're allowed: the big recycling bin of failed coaches who didn't do a good job somewhere else and were fired by someone else. Why they sound PERFECT!

Fun fact: That guy in the photo to the right was eating in Heritage Park and just throwing his trash on the ground. Thanks a lot for your contributions, Cy Young! Have an eighth of a hot dog!

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

A lot of stories are coming out of the American League Championship Series this year. Alex Rodriguez has shunned his one major downside -- an inability to deliver in the clutch -- to destroy everything in his path. Joba Chamberlain is pitching out of the bullpen for fear that his presence will summon a collection of animals that will be the Yankees' downfall. And, most importantly, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are turning into Mr. Bean every time the game is on the line.

Tonight we switch gears and spotlight the OTHER championship series going on between the Angels and Yankees. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Here is a quick list of excuses to explain where The Dugout has been: our website is producing a code that angers Google and now nobody can look at or operate it properly, we got "busy with life stuff," popular video game or television show is addictive, we had softball practice, we realized baseball was boring and decided to change The Dugout into an endless blog about mixed martial arts, our favorite teams were all eliminated (in my case, "eliminated in April") and therefore we lost interest, our wives had babies, our grandmothers died, our pets reproduced via binary fission, and the most believable one, "we got distracted watching baseball."

Regardless of the excuse you believe, we're back, and tonight we play catchup by over-analyzing everything that has or could happen between now and the end of the season. Who's bullpen will be stronger? Will Guerrero bust out his wonky danger slide again? How many singles will Thome get in the 8th inning? All this and more in our intense playoff blog... thing, after the jump.

Mike Blowers knows more about baseball than you. His AM radio predictions for Seattle Mariners third baseman and spellcheck challenger Matt Tuiasosopo came true in increasingly accurate and eerie ways, including pitch count, distance, and barometric pressure. The only possible explanations for this are that he is a genius, or that an older version of him traveled back in time with a Sports Alamanac. Somebody get a picture of his wife, see if she has enormous implants.

I predict that tonight's Dugout is after the jump. /puts fingers to temples

As reported earlier today, former All-Star, World Series champion, and all-around somewhat competent baseball player Chuck Knoblauch has been charged with hitting his common-law wife in the face and choking her like she was a female police officer. Since his premature retirement at the age of 34, Knoblauch has steadily and consistently descended into a weird kind of personal madness usually reserved for aging soul singers and professional wrestlers.

There aren't a lot of details at this time, so tonight's Dugout heads back to the glory days of the Yankees and revisits the Knob gobbler in his prime. Warning: this Dugout contains frank discussions about domestic abuse. Reader discretion is advised.