Jon Bois Posts

The Astros' Roy Oswalt is frustrated by the lack of fire in his team's clubhouse, and who can blame him? Obviously, they're not going to be able to overcome a team OPS+ of 93, a team ERA+ of 94, and a 9.5-game deficit in the wild card standings, but you know what? With a little get-up-and go, they could conceive of, design, and build a rocket ship so that they could search the universe and join an alien baseball league full of teams that aren't as good.

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

Since learning how much of a misanthropic jerk Lenny Dykstra is capable of being, it's been harder and harder for the public to hold any sympathy for him, even when his plight gets worse and worse. The reluctance is completely justified.

With that said, The Dugout now undertakes the unenviable, and perhaps foolhardy, task of writing Dykstra as a sympathetic figure. Read it after the jump.

The Mets enjoy a large payroll, a new stadium, and a large city that boasts millions of loyal fans, so it's difficult to make the argument that God hates them. But He clearly holds a grudge, as evidenced by Sunday's bottom-of-the-ninth, rally-killing, unassisted triple play. It was the second time in the history of Major League Baseball that a game ended with such a play. Then a plague of frogs descended upon Citi Field, and it was good.

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

Mark Prior has not pitched a game in the major leagues since 2006. Thanks to state-of-the-art age-progression software, here is an image of what he might look like today. If you see him, please contact your local police department. Also, please check the back of this website for valuable Little Caesar's coupons.

The Dugout has had a lot of fun making light of Prior's perennially injured status, largely because we sit in front of our computers all day and are free of the perils of playing sports or going outside. As Matt Snyder points out, though, he didn't ask for this. Despite the frustration and the jeers, he refuses to quit, and we're pulling for him.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

Wednesday night's loss to the White Sox didn't help the Royals' playoff chances one bit. It was a sobering night for Royals fans, who now have to come to terms with the possibility that their team might not be playing baseball late into October.

This team can still make it this year, though, if they do a few things right. There's a very strong possibility that today's Dugout is after the jump.

Brett Favre, seen here speaking with his agent, can no longer be rightly described as a polarizing figure in the baseball world. Nearly everyone is weary of his habitual false retirements and underwhelming comebacks. Yet again, though, Favre finds himself unable to walk away from baseball. Today, he announced that he will come out of retirement to play for Minnesota.

Whether the Twins will benefit from his comeback remains to be seen. Today's Dugout is after the jump.

The rumored $15-20 million offer to Stephen Strasburg, of course, isn't anywhere near the largest monetary value thrown around in today's game, but it's a whopper of a salary for a guy who hasn't thrown a single major-league pitch in his life. Perspective is always helpful when discussing huge amounts of money, and the penny serves as a handy visual aid. $20 million, for example, is two billion pennies. That many pennies would weigh over eleven million pounds. That's a lot of pounds! See how easy this is?

Admission to today's Dugout, after the jump, is fifty cents. Just shove it in your CD-ROM drive; it'll get to us.

I've been trying to put together something on Adrian Beltre's horrifying testicular injury for days now. My original effort was the result of me turning on caps lock, banging the keyboard with my fists, staring at the ceiling, and screaming. It was probably the most honest thing I've ever written, but it was kind of a long read, so I scrapped it.

In its place, today's Dugout is after the jump.

July was some kind of month. We saw, among other things, a perfect game, an All-Star Game, an exodus of players to competitive teams, our monthly ration of steroid drama, and a baseball executive who was fired for throwing down his shirt as though it were a gauntlet and challenging his players to a fight.

So once again, The Dugout calls upon the insights of Bobby Cox and Charlie Manuel to puree the month of July into a series of easily-digestible puns. Read it after the jump.

Within four short years, Tony Pena, Jr. has mastered the art of hitting.

There is nothing more that he can possibly accomplish with the baseball bat. As such, he's planning on becoming a pitcher.

To you and I, pitching is a hopelessly sophisticated art that is fully understood by few and mastered by almost nobody. To Pena, it is merely another domain to conquer.

Your Dugout is after the jump.