FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com/media/feedlogo.gif FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com en-us Copyright 2009 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/ The Dugout Gives Thanks http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/26/the-dugout-gives-thanks/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/26/the-dugout-gives-thanks/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/26/the-dugout-gives-thanks/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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...for Joe Mauer of the Minnesota Twins for simultaneously being the Magic Johnson and the Larry Bird of professional baseball. He puts up insane numbers (especially for a catcher, which is a talking point I'm sure you need more information about), he plays fair even when he doesn't have to, and he reminds us that the Average White Guy still has something to contribute to popular sports.

The Dugout is also thankful for those of you who are still figuring out that we moved to Back Porch. A big shout out to all of our returning fans, including David from the Hanger Orthopedic Group! What's up, Dave! This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> bill smithBillSmithdugout_willsmithjoe mauerJoeMauerlawnmauernietomosquitotom nietoTomNieto B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-11-26T10:11:00 00:00 The Dugout: Punk Cards http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/19/the-dugout-punk-cards/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/19/the-dugout-punk-cards/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/19/the-dugout-punk-cards/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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For what official press statements are calling "some reason," Major League Baseball has awarded their 2009 National League Cy Young award to Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum is most famous for winning the award last year, and for recently being arrested for possession of marijuana. He is an enchanter and an amazing pitcher, but my blogger sense is telling me to jump to irrational conclusions and declare that he didn't deserve it. He only won 15 games, which is even less than Greinke. Whatever, Jeter won a gold glove again, we might as well give participation trophies to everyone.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> bud_is_wiserchrismacarpenterpr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rthwrightaswain B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-11-19T23:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: Greinke And The Brain http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/17/the-dugout-greinke-and-the-brain/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/17/the-dugout-greinke-and-the-brain/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/17/the-dugout-greinke-and-the-brain/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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The streak is over. The American League completely ignored the 7-9 record and 1.62 WHIP of Cleveland's Aaron Laffey and named Kansas City's Zack Greinke as their 2009 Cy Young Award winner. With Greinke's accomplishment comes the realization that the Indians have no choice but to keep all of their pitchers next season and that my Tribe bobblehead collection is about to get fifteen more Grady Sizemores in occupational clothing.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> brian_bar_bannistergreinkedinkspr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rthtreyhillmixzack greinkeZackGreinke B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-11-17T23:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: Save The Wetteland http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/15/the-dugout-save-the-wetteland/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/15/the-dugout-save-the-wetteland/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/15/the-dugout-save-the-wetteland/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Earlier this week it was reported that former World Series MVP and Seattle Mariners bullpen coach John Wetteland had been taken to a hospital with an undisclosed "mental issue." Some reports said it was an issue related to suicide, some where saying it was a domestic dispute that got out of hand... I've been refreshing my Twitter page for the last four days in the hopes of getting the scoop, but all I've learned so far is that Lady Gaga is "fug," Bill Belichick has no idea how to coach professional football, and that one of my friends is RT: about to eat dinner.

Regardless, the Mariners are Serious Business[TM] in the world of The Dugout, so I wanted to skip the facts and get straight to anonymously slandering people. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> captainjackelijah_pricejack wilsonjack zduriencikJackWilsonJackZduriencikjohn wettelandJohnWettelandmsgmwakamolewettelandpony B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-11-15T22:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: Operation Panda http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/13/the-dugout-operation-panda/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/13/the-dugout-operation-panda/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/13/the-dugout-operation-panda/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Before the 2009 season began, few would've predicted actor Anthony Anderson, most famous for his role in "My Baby's Daddy" and for saying AN HE HOPPIN AWAYYY in "Kangaroo Jack," as baseball's next big breakout star. With a high batting average and power to boot, Anderson impressed fans by... wait, that's not Anthony Anderson? Is that David Ortiz? When did they trade David Ortiz to the Giants? Who the hell is THIS guy?

Well, whoever he is, the Giants want to train him like a panda bear, so that's funny enough for me. Also, I didn't know you could grow a beard that far above your chin.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> brandon meddersBrandonMeddersdirtcircledukeneukomgoldbondsnothingelsemedderspablo sandovalPabloSandovalwilliam neukomWilliamNeukom B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-11-13T11:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: Wedding Guest Plus Eight http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/09/the-dugout-wedding-guest-plus-eight/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/09/the-dugout-wedding-guest-plus-eight/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/09/the-dugout-wedding-guest-plus-eight/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Earlier this year, Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino did a joint interview with Jon Gosselin from the TLC reality-docudrama "Jon and Kate Plus Eight." I guess that makes them best friends forever, because online newspapers and gossip communities frothing at the mouth for something to rag on during the Lady Gaga "Bad Romance" video delay are "reporting" that Victorino invited the fertile d-hole to his Saved by the Bell-style Hawaiian wedding this month.

Tonight's Dugout, which might as well be a bunch of still photos of celebrities walking, is after the jump.

 

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]]> jon gosselinJonGosselinnovictorinopeaceshane victorinoShaneVictorino B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-11-09T22:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: The Ghost of Pigments Past http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/07/the-dugout-the-ghost-of-pigments-past/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/07/the-dugout-the-ghost-of-pigments-past/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2009/11/07/the-dugout-the-ghost-of-pigments-past/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Sammy SosaWelcome to The Dugout Generation 3: FanHouse Back Porch edition. I'm happy to be working with the people in this section now, because it gives the strip a more obviously comedic, less newsbite-oriented environment within to prosper. It also gets me away from psychotic Yankees fans who think that every sentence they read is a serious, literal truth, and that one guy who googles "Mark McGwire" or whatever every three months and gets defensive. Also, I run an exponentially smaller chance of being called an idiot for my opinions when my comic is sandwiched between women's soccer updates and live-blogging of the World Checkers Championships.

Today's Dugout is after the jump. Warning: it will give you nightmares.

 

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]]> sammy sosatimtheenchanter B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-11-07T16:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: The Cubs Get Ricketts http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/the-dugout-the-cubs-get-ricketts/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/the-dugout-the-cubs-get-ricketts/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/30/the-dugout-the-cubs-get-ricketts/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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The Chicago Cubs have finally won. They've got a new owner who isn't afraid to go straight to the local media and announce that the Cubs are going to the World Series. Boastful words, considering that the Cubs haven't even made it to the playoffs since Abraham Lincoln was in office. But it's just this sort of powerful, positive thinking that can do wonders for a ballclub, and as far as baby steps go, this is a pretty freaking big baby.

The transcript of Tom Ricketts being prideful before another season full of "every Cubs season" is after the jump.

 

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]]> luckyrickettpiniellaonthedonkeysteakgrowsondmitritom rickettsTomRicketts B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-30T23:15:00 00:00 The Dugout: Bud Selig Will Fix Baseball http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/27/the-dugout-bud-selig-will-fix-baseball/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/27/the-dugout-bud-selig-will-fix-baseball/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/27/the-dugout-bud-selig-will-fix-baseball/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Bud Selig is not the kind of commissioner to sit there jamming his fingers up his snout, doing nothing. No, Bud Selig is going to change baseball for the better. Why, right now Bud is probably at his desk, passionately compiling a fool-proof system of plans to increase ticket sales, inflate national interest, and level the financial playing field for all teams. Yes, this is what he's doing, not giving soundbites to the MLB Network about how the World Series is going to be "good." He's racing around helping people. I like to imagine that he has a special car.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> bud_is_wiser B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-27T23:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: Return Of the Mac http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/26/the-dugout-return-of-the-mac/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/26/the-dugout-return-of-the-mac/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/26/the-dugout-return-of-the-mac/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Whoever was just hired as the hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, raise your hand. All right, you in the suit. Tell us how you got the job. What? You don't want to talk about it? Hey that seems pretty weird!

Yes, 2010 will see the return of shadowy figure Mark McGwire to Major League Baseball. He should use his influence to get the Cards to sign Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds to coaching deals as well, and everyone in St. Louis can root for a ball club instructed by the Monstars.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> larussasonfiremark mcgwireMarkMcgwiresonofjorelthegwire B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-26T16:45:00 00:00 The Dugout: Evening Plans http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/24/the-dugout-evening-plans/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/24/the-dugout-evening-plans/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/24/the-dugout-evening-plans/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Unless The Lord decides to once again destroy the evil of the world with a thunderous rainstorm tonight, we're going to get Game 6 of the ALCS between the Yankees and the Angels. By now, we've asked practically every question imaginable. We've analyzed and blogged incessantly about the importance of Jeter, about the managerial decisions, about the umpires. We've jumped to conclusions (Phillies/Yankees!). We've hopped bandwagons. We've changed our point of view. So hey, could somebody up there please just stop the god forsaken rainfall so we can get this series over with?

To further exacerbate this black hole of logical sports discussion, here is a facetious Dugout to be taken seriously by Yankees fans that retreads everything everyone has already said.

 

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]]> girardiandcolagreasersandscioscia B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-24T19:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: Common Ground http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/22/the-dugout-common-ground/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/22/the-dugout-common-ground/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/22/the-dugout-common-ground/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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The playoffs are almost over and the stage is set for the defending World Champion Philadelphia Phillies to face the dreadnought New York Yankees ... or the Los Angeles Angels Angels, pending a dead Christopher Lloyd-style miracle.

The bottom line is this: the World Series is like one block to our left, and we're going to have to start buckling down and making some declarative statements. Before we do that, though, today's Dugout features some pre-ALCS decision arguing and some sad realities.

 

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]]> acliffleetiltingplanetbenfranciscogiantscarlnotlennyfightthehergesinthespringbecomesderosaludwickvanbeethovenmannythetorpedoesmanuellaborneedsabathiapeterosewenttobetancourtpointblakepunchedyourbelliardthedefeatedvictorwordupthome B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-22T16:15:00 00:00 The Dugout: Shapiro Narrows It Down http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/19/the-dugout-shapiro-narrows-it-down/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/19/the-dugout-shapiro-narrows-it-down/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/19/the-dugout-shapiro-narrows-it-down/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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To me, the playoffs mean one thing: the wise decision-making skills of Cleveland Indians General Manager Mark Shapiro! After firing Jim Thome/snapping turtle hybrid Eric Wedge as the Tribe head coach, Shapiro has really gotten down in the dirt to find a new skipper, looking in the only place you're allowed: the big recycling bin of failed coaches who didn't do a good job somewhere else and were fired by someone else. Why they sound PERFECT!

Fun fact: That guy in the photo to the right was eating in Heritage Park and just throwing his trash on the ground. Thanks a lot for your contributions, Cy Young! Have an eighth of a hot dog!

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> actafoolbobby valentineBobbyValentineinlehmanstermsmanny actaMannyActamark shapiroMarkShapiromeatwadandfrymanmybobbyvalentinephilliefauxnaticshapiroandballyhootravis frymanTravisFryman B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-19T23:55:00 00:00 The Dugout: American League Pictionary Championship Series http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/18/the-dugout-american-league-pictionary-championship-series/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/18/the-dugout-american-league-pictionary-championship-series/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/18/the-dugout-american-league-pictionary-championship-series/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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A lot of stories are coming out of the American League Championship Series this year. Alex Rodriguez has shunned his one major downside -- an inability to deliver in the clutch -- to destroy everything in his path. Joba Chamberlain is pitching out of the bullpen for fear that his presence will summon a collection of animals that will be the Yankees' downfall. And, most importantly, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are turning into Mr. Bean every time the game is on the line.

Tonight we switch gears and spotlight the OTHER championship series going on between the Angels and Yankees. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> alex rodriguezAlexRodriguezderek jeterDerekJetergymnasticsontheaybarifsheresists_maicerjetersneverprospermaicer izturisMaicerIzturispictionaryster_rodwilly aybarWillyAybar B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-18T21:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: The ALCS, Very Funny http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/17/the-dugout-the-alcs-very-funny/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/17/the-dugout-the-alcs-very-funny/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/10/17/the-dugout-the-alcs-very-funny/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Here is a quick list of excuses to explain where The Dugout has been: our website is producing a code that angers Google and now nobody can look at or operate it properly, we got "busy with life stuff," popular video game or television show is addictive, we had softball practice, we realized baseball was boring and decided to change The Dugout into an endless blog about mixed martial arts, our favorite teams were all eliminated (in my case, "eliminated in April") and therefore we lost interest, our wives had babies, our grandmothers died, our pets reproduced via binary fission, and the most believable one, "we got distracted watching baseball."

Regardless of the excuse you believe, we're back, and tonight we play catchup by over-analyzing everything that has or could happen between now and the end of the season. Who's bullpen will be stronger? Will Guerrero bust out his wonky danger slide again? How many singles will Thome get in the 8th inning? All this and more in our intense playoff blog... thing, after the jump.

 

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]]> allswellthatendswellscal ripkencaljr2131CalRipkendavid wellsDavidWellsdennis eckersleyDennisEckersleyeckersuponyourhouseernie johnsonErnieJohnsonernieyourkeep B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-10-17T22:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: Mike Blowers Your Mind http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/30/the-dugout-the-amazing-mike-blowers/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/30/the-dugout-the-amazing-mike-blowers/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/30/the-dugout-the-amazing-mike-blowers/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Mike Blowers knows more about baseball than you. His AM radio predictions for Seattle Mariners third baseman and spellcheck challenger Matt Tuiasosopo came true in increasingly accurate and eerie ways, including pitch count, distance, and barometric pressure. The only possible explanations for this are that he is a genius, or that an older version of him traveled back in time with a Sports Alamanac. Somebody get a picture of his wife, see if she has enormous implants.

I predict that tonight's Dugout is after the jump. /puts fingers to temples

 

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]]> blowersforalgernondave niehausDaveNiehausmatt tuiasosopoMattTuiasosopomike blowersMikeBlowersniehauskailan B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-09-30T23:15:00 00:00 The Dugout: Blauch Buster http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/29/the-dugout-blauch-buster/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/29/the-dugout-blauch-buster/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/29/the-dugout-blauch-buster/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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As reported earlier today, former All-Star, World Series champion, and all-around somewhat competent baseball player Chuck Knoblauch has been charged with hitting his common-law wife in the face and choking her like she was a female police officer. Since his premature retirement at the age of 34, Knoblauch has steadily and consistently descended into a weird kind of personal madness usually reserved for aging soul singers and professional wrestlers.

There aren't a lot of details at this time, so tonight's Dugout heads back to the glory days of the Yankees and revisits the Knob gobbler in his prime. Warning: this Dugout contains frank discussions about domestic abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

 

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]]> chastitybeltchuck knoblauchChuckKnoblauchhawaiian_crackersnietomosquitooldlolprairiedonstrawberrywhine B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-09-29T23:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: Detroit Ink http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/22/the-dugout-detroit-ink/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/22/the-dugout-detroit-ink/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/22/the-dugout-detroit-ink/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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When asked to name the Major League Baseball player who most resembles Allen Iverson, Detroit Tiger and fellow Lynchburg, Va. alumni Brandon Inge wouldn't be at the top of the list. But here we are in September and those forearm tattoos he got back in August still haven't worn off. If the Tiger manage to make the playoffs, he should compete in a retro headband and a big arm-sized glove that makes him look like Sally Jupiter.

As the race for the AL Central heads into the home stretch, it is important to analyze these tattoos and see how they match up with the rest of the division. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> brandon ingeBrandonIngekyle farnsworthKyleFarnsworthlawnmauerpr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rththeangryinge B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-09-22T23:20:00 00:00 The Dugout: Rational Human Beings http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/21/the-dugout-rational-human-beings/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/21/the-dugout-rational-human-beings/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/21/the-dugout-rational-human-beings/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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Everyone is out to get Milton Bradley. First it was the umpires, then it was Lou Piniella (or was it Lou, then the umpires? I can't remember). Now, the Chicago Cubs have sent Milton home for the rest of the season just for going to the media and talking about how much he hates the Chicago Cubs, people who like the Chicago Cubs, Chicago, bears, and humanity. When is this guy going to catch a break?

Tonight's Dugout gives you a sneak peek at what to expect when Bradley takes this issue to a higher power than Steve Bartman and his Mystery Goat, or whoever is in charge in Chicago.

 

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]]> dugout_miltonbradleyHendryHugginsjim hendryJimHendrymilton bradleyMiltonBradleypiniellaonthedonkey B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-09-21T23:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now Finale http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/20/the-dugout-its-tribe-time-now-finale/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/20/the-dugout-its-tribe-time-now-finale/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/09/20/the-dugout-its-tribe-time-now-finale/#comments B. Thompson Stroudby B. Thompson Stroud

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The 1997 Cleveland Indians have finally been reassembled on the 2009 Los Angeles Dodgers, and it is up to venerable Dugout protagonists Jim Thome and Manny Ramirez to lead them through the playoffs and to the promised land, whether they've been there already or not.

If you have not been reading our end of the season special event and want anything you're about to read to make sense, please catch up by reading the first seven parts linked conveniently below. Part "The End" is after the jump.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

 

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]]> bartolocaribbeancoolbeyondborderscarsoncrushercriminaljusticefernandezwarriorgripsodajim thomeJimThomekanyefeelthelovetonightkenanandquelmanny ramirezMannyRamirezmannythetorpedoesmoralorelmythreedadssandanddeliverthedreadpiratebipweathersgettingworsewordupthome B. Thompson Stroud b-thompson-stroud 2009-09-20T23:30:00 00:00