Now I'm not a religious person, but it's difficult to overlook the symbolism of the Southern Cal football team, who have over the last few years been the very embodiment of decadence, excess, and godless hedonism, being savagely struck down by a biblical plague of crotch-gnawing jock itch. That's right, folks, you read that correctly. Fully 25% of the Trojan football team has contracted a particularly ornery strain of jock itch, whose virulent epidemiology has left even Pete Carroll speechless, and I'm sure he's seen damned near every groin-related malady in his long tenure as a football coach.
The preliminary suspect for this outbreak is the new stretch pants the team is breaking in this year, although there's plenty of room for alternative theories. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery for the groins of the lads of Southern Cal. Nah, just kidding, I hope they burn for years.
The waters in South Bend have been anything but placid in the last few weeks, as a veritable revolving cast of characters have either just arrived, returned home, or packed up and headed off to their next career. In this first post of a two-part series, we'll look at the shakeups in the Athletic Department over the offseason. Later this week, we'll look at the roster turnover, which has been fairly extensive, especially recently.
Despite sagging ratings, the departure of many beloved characters, and a marked downward trend in its plotlines over the last few seasons, NBC announced today that they are 
The Detroit Free-Press gets points for due diligence on 
Irish fans, I'm guessing most of you have a fancy bottle of scotch laying around somewhere, undoubtedly a gift from a client a few years back that you just haven't gotten around to opening because there's never really been an occasion to do so (plus straight scotch tastes icky and burns your throat, you big girl). Well, son, dive into that cabinet with pots and pans in it, crack open the blue label, and take a big hearty slug from it, because it's a damn good day for the Fighting Irish.
Bad news out of South Bend today, as an already-thin Irish defensive line appears to have lost another body. This time it's (I think we can now officially use the adjective "much-maligned") Derrell Hand, who was diagnosed with a "
In case you missed the first half, I'll quickly recap it for you: "Notre Dame Notre Dame, Brady Quinn Commercial, Notre Dame Notre Dame".
Picture the scene... you're sitting around your house on a Saturday morning and your girlfriend calls you and asks if you want to have brunch with her family. Normally, you'd be fairly amenable to free silver dollar pancakes, even if it means enduring some awkward conversation, but today is not a normal day. It's the high-school all-star game. Sorry, tootsie, but home boy has a date with Tom Lemming today, and no amount of waffles or eggs Benedict can interrupt.
I just don't know what to say at this point. Every time you think you've seen it all this season, something else absolutely unbelievable happens. Tonight, the scene of the crime is Morgantown. With nothing but an anemic 4-7 Pitt team as 28 point underdogs standing between West Virginia and a berth in the title game, the Mountaineers gagged away the game in front of their home crowd.
