David Whitley Posts

The season is over for the most famous high school football team in America. It wasn't the happy ending everyone wanted.

If it had been, ESPN's trucks would be rolling back into Parkersburg, Iowa, followed by a truckload of other media. This story had a Hollywood beginning, then it turned into a reality show.

"Our kids deserved to have a ball bounce their way or a break to win a close game," Al Kerns said. "But that's the movies."

He's the co-coach at Aplington-Parkersburg High. You may not remember the name, but you probably remember the plight.

So you think Air Jordans are expensive? The pair Marcus Jordan put on Wednesday night cost $3 million.

That's what his school's exclusive deal with adidas was worth. Now adidas has canceled the contract, and UCF athletes may have to play in their Crocs.

If we didn't know better -- and we don't -- we'd say it's all a Nike conspiracy.

It wanted adidas to make a stink over Jordan's feet so it can swoosh in on a white horse. But until that plot is exposed, we'll take this rift face value.

That means only one person can truly save the day.

Come on, Marcus. Put on the adidas.

There could have been bigger upsets Tuesday night. Mike Bloomberg could have lost the New York mayor's job to Stephon Marbury. Or "The Jay Leno Show" could have won its time slot.

If you were caught up watching those returns, you may have missed the biggest upset in the history of mankind, or at least New York.

Move over, Joe Willie. Step aside, Miracle on Ice.

Give it up for Le Moyne!

Le Who?

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It was not a good week if you were a fat, homosexual taco-eating cheerleader related to Sarah Palin.

All were ridiculed in one of the more politically-incorrect weeks on record. There must be a lesson we can take from the tackiness.

What was Bob Griese thinking? He joked that Juan Pablo Montoya wasn't among the top five drivers in NASCAR points because he was "out getting a taco."

Texas A&M beat Texas Tech, prompting Red Raiders coach Mike Leach to say he'd warned his overconfident players "about not listening to our fat little girlfriends."

Chiefs running back Larry Johnson twice used a slur to describe gay people. Levi Johnston, the ex-fiancé of Palin's daughter, said Palin called her Down syndrome child "retarded."

Brad Gaines will do it again early Wednesday morning. He'll grab some Clorox and glass cleaner, toss them in the trunk of his Buick and head to a little cemetery 175 miles away.

His long, strange trip actually began 20 years ago today.

"I'll be doing it until I die," Gaines said.

LONDON -- A bunch of Patriots went to dinner Friday night and were mistaken for a boy band. Had they been anywhere else, that embarrassing mix up might have caused an international incident. But since England gave us the ultimate boy band, the Beatles, the Patriots graciously ate their meal.

Then they routinely devoured Tampa Bay on Sunday.

Now they head back to the States after proving what we already knew: as Tom Brady rolls, so rolls the rest of New England's band. And, ready or not, America, Brady is back in rhythm.

"I'm feeling great," he said after New England's win. "I keep rolling."

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Hot on the vapor trail of the Balloon Boy, the week's big mystery was Northwest Flight 188 overshooting its destination by 150 miles.

That one is easy to explain. Balloon Slugger was in the pilot's seat.

The FAA said the pilots lost "situational awareness," which automatically incriminates Manny Ramirez.

He has been a one-man Flight 188 his entire career. But last week his situational awareness reached rarified air. Instead of cheering his teammates on in the ninth inning, he was taking a shower as the Dodgers lost Game 4 of the NLCS.

LONDON -- Mike Alstott's 1-yard touchdown run sparked Tampa Bay to an 84-0 win over New England Saturday.

No joke. Alstott really did score one of the red team's 14 touchdowns. The guys wearing blue jerseys had zero.

"Nil!" Paul Stewart said.

He broke out a bottle of champagne and passed it around. If ever a team deserved to savor a little success, it's the Bucs' UK fan club -- it beat the Patriots' fan club on Saturday in a flag football game. The other Bucs team was presumably watching film or sacrificing goats or whatever you do when you face that other New England team.

That'll happen Sunday at Wembley. Saturday at Richmond Park in Southwest London was the preamble. The oldest NFL fan club in Britain (the Bucs) met the fan club of England's most popular team (the Patriots).

LONDON – If you hated the thought of Toyota entering NASCAR or some Belgian company buying Anheuser-Busch, you won't like what Roger Goodell said Friday.

London is calling, and the NFL is listening.

It's thinking of putting a franchise here. Forget what you may have heard about warm beer and pickles on pizza, London would be a great spot for an NFL team.

A few candidates come immediately to mind. Buffalo, St. Louis, even Oakland unless Al Davis demands his old job back as the warden at the Tower of London.

But one franchise is at the top of the relocation list -- Jacksonville.

When it comes to the personal lives of public figures, we're not supposed to be too judgmental. So I'll try to ignore Steve Phillips' morals, his taste in women and the big birthmark on his crotch.

I do wonder how ESPN can let Phillips and his crotch back on the air. Then again, if ESPN canned every employee who acted like Phillips, SportsCenter would be hosted by a janitor and Beano Cook.

At least that's the perception after Wednesday's news that Phillips had an affair with a production assistant. The New York Post reported Phillips got a one-week suspension, which makes you wonder what Harold Reynolds did to get fired for his alleged indiscretions three years ago.

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