FanHouse

Tragic Times Fail to Deter Iowa HS Football Team

David Whitley — 2009-11-06T20:15:00 00:00

The season is over for the most famous high school football team in America. It wasn't the happy ending everyone wanted.

If it had been, ESPN's trucks would be rolling back into Parkersburg, Iowa, followed by a truckload of other media. This story had a Hollywood beginning, then it turned into a reality show.

"Our kids deserved to have a ball bounce their way or a break to win a close game," Al Kerns said. "But that's the movies."

He's the co-coach at Aplington-Parkersburg High. You may not remember the name, but you probably remember the plight.

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Refusing adidas Is Far From a Swoosh

David Whitley — 2009-11-05T14:15:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: UCF

So you think Air Jordans are expensive? The pair Marcus Jordan put on Wednesday night cost $3 million.

That's what his school's exclusive deal with adidas was worth. Now adidas has canceled the contract, and UCF athletes may have to play in their Crocs.

If we didn't know better -- and we don't -- we'd say it's all a Nike conspiracy.

It wanted adidas to make a stink over Jordan's feet so it can swoosh in on a white horse. But until that plot is exposed, we'll take this rift face value.

That means only one person can truly save the day.

Come on, Marcus. Put on the adidas.

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Le Moyne Leaves Orange Seeing Red

David Whitley — 2009-11-04T18:00:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: Syracuse, Big East

There could have been bigger upsets Tuesday night. Mike Bloomberg could have lost the New York mayor's job to Stephon Marbury. Or "The Jay Leno Show" could have won its time slot.

If you were caught up watching those returns, you may have missed the biggest upset in the history of mankind, or at least New York.

Move over, Joe Willie. Step aside, Miracle on Ice.

Give it up for Le Moyne!

Le Who?

More Coverage: Syracuse's Lousiest Day Ever

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Week in Review: PC Police on High Alert

David Whitley — 2009-11-01T16:48:00 00:00

by David WhitleyIt was not a good week if you were a fat, homosexual taco-eating cheerleader related to Sarah Palin.

All were ridiculed in one of the more politically-incorrect weeks on record. There must be a lesson we can take from the tackiness.

What was Bob Griese thinking? He joked that Juan Pablo Montoya wasn't among the top five drivers in NASCAR points because he was "out getting a taco."

Texas A&M beat Texas Tech, prompting Red Raiders coach Mike Leach to say he'd warned his overconfident players "about not listening to our fat little girlfriends."

Chiefs running back Larry Johnson twice used a slur to describe gay people. Levi Johnston, the ex-fiancé of Palin's daughter, said Palin called her Down syndrome child "retarded."

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Twenty Years Ago, One Hit Changed Two Lives Forever

David Whitley — 2009-10-28T12:00:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: Mississippi, Vanderbilt

Brad Gaines will do it again early Wednesday morning. He'll grab some Clorox and glass cleaner, toss them in the trunk of his Buick and head to a little cemetery 175 miles away.

His long, strange trip actually began 20 years ago today.

"I'll be doing it until I die," Gaines said.

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Patriots Put on a Show in England

David Whitley — 2009-10-25T21:00:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: Buccaneers, Dolphins, FanHouse Exclusive

LONDON -- A bunch of Patriots went to dinner Friday night and were mistaken for a boy band. Had they been anywhere else, that embarrassing mix up might have caused an international incident. But since England gave us the ultimate boy band, the Beatles, the Patriots graciously ate their meal.

Then they routinely devoured Tampa Bay on Sunday.

Now they head back to the States after proving what we already knew: as Tom Brady rolls, so rolls the rest of New England's band. And, ready or not, America, Brady is back in rhythm.

"I'm feeling great," he said after New England's win. "I keep rolling."

More: Check Box Score | Bills Pull Another Upset | Jets Win Big

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Week in Review: Manny Being Cloudy

David Whitley — 2009-10-25T13:24:00 00:00

by David WhitleyHot on the vapor trail of the Balloon Boy, the week's big mystery was Northwest Flight 188 overshooting its destination by 150 miles.

That one is easy to explain. Balloon Slugger was in the pilot's seat.

The FAA said the pilots lost "situational awareness," which automatically incriminates Manny Ramirez.

He has been a one-man Flight 188 his entire career. But last week his situational awareness reached rarified air. Instead of cheering his teammates on in the ninth inning, he was taking a shower as the Dodgers lost Game 4 of the NLCS.

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Patriots May Own Sunday, but Saturday Belongs to Bucs' UK Fans

David Whitley — 2009-10-24T16:30:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: Buccaneers, Patriots, FanHouse Exclusive

LONDON -- Mike Alstott's 1-yard touchdown run sparked Tampa Bay to an 84-0 win over New England Saturday.

No joke. Alstott really did score one of the red team's 14 touchdowns. The guys wearing blue jerseys had zero.

"Nil!" Paul Stewart said.

He broke out a bottle of champagne and passed it around. If ever a team deserved to savor a little success, it's the Bucs' UK fan club -- it beat the Patriots' fan club on Saturday in a flag football game. The other Bucs team was presumably watching film or sacrificing goats or whatever you do when you face that other New England team.

That'll happen Sunday at Wembley. Saturday at Richmond Park in Southwest London was the preamble. The oldest NFL fan club in Britain (the Bucs) met the fan club of England's most popular team (the Patriots).

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The NFL Might Soon Stay in London

David Whitley — 2009-10-23T15:40:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: NFL London

LONDON - If you hated the thought of Toyota entering NASCAR or some Belgian company buying Anheuser-Busch, you won't like what Roger Goodell said Friday.

London is calling, and the NFL is listening.

It's thinking of putting a franchise here. Forget what you may have heard about warm beer and pickles on pizza, London would be a great spot for an NFL team.

A few candidates come immediately to mind. Buffalo, St. Louis, even Oakland unless Al Davis demands his old job back as the warden at the Tower of London.

But one franchise is at the top of the relocation list -- Jacksonville.

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Now Showing on ESPN: Fatal Attraction II

David Whitley — 2009-10-21T19:40:00 00:00

by David WhitleyWhen it comes to the personal lives of public figures, we're not supposed to be too judgmental. So I'll try to ignore Steve Phillips' morals, his taste in women and the big birthmark on his crotch.

I do wonder how ESPN can let Phillips and his crotch back on the air. Then again, if ESPN canned every employee who acted like Phillips, SportsCenter would be hosted by a janitor and Beano Cook.

At least that's the perception after Wednesday's news that Phillips had an affair with a production assistant. The New York Post reported Phillips got a one-week suspension, which makes you wonder what Harold Reynolds did to get fired for his alleged indiscretions three years ago.

More Coverage: ESPN Addresses Situation | 911 Call on TMZ.com
Steve Phillips-Brooke Affair | Steve Phillips Stories

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Fire Up the Lie Detector on These Guys

David Whitley — 2009-10-20T19:00:00 00:00

by David WhitleyTony Stewart says he doesn't wear women's underwear and that he loves Whoppers. At least he no longer has to strip down to his fast-food belly to prove both claims.

Stewart passed a lie detector test Tuesday. It was all captured live as part of a Burger King promotion.

As relieved as I was to discover Stewart doesn't wear a lace thong under his fire suit, the webcast got a little dull after the 32nd question from fans. But Stewart deserves credit for proving he puts his mouth where his endorsement money is.

"I love Whoppers," he said.

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Week in Review: Believe It or Not

David Whitley — 2009-10-18T17:05:00 00:00

by David Whitley

It was a bird! It was a plane! It was a hoax!

A homemade balloon got loose with a six-year-old passenger, triggering a national panic not seen since Rush Limbaugh became untethered and floated over the NFL until being shot down by Al Sharpton.

Richard Heene, Balloon Boy's father, went on national TV and swore it wasn't a publicity stunt. It would have been more convincing if he hadn't been wearing a Bigfoot costume.

Amid such craziness, we needed a story people could really believe in. As usual, it was provided by American's High Priestess of Redemption, Oprah Winfrey. She reunited Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield for the first time since Tyson mistook Holyfield's ear for a pork rind.

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Candlestick Stood Firm on Shaky Ground

David Whitley — 2009-10-16T16:30:00 00:00

by David Whitley
SAN FRANCISCO -- If ballparks were relatives, Candlestick Park would be a stereotypical mother-in-law: it's cold and windy and you don't want to spend a lot of time around her.

Unless you were around San Francisco 20 years ago this Saturday. The earth moved and it felt as if the whole world was going to collapse. The whole World Series almost did.

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Limbaugh Couldn't Get Over the 'Humps'

David Whitley — 2009-10-15T20:30:00 00:00

by David Whitley
Did you hear about the former drug addict who spouts controversial views to millions of fans and wants to be an NFL owner?

As soon as the paperwork is in, she will be.

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Presidents Cup Lovefest = Snoozefest

David Whitley — 2009-10-11T21:25:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: PGA, Presidents Cup

SAN FRANCISCO -- What if they threw a golf tournament and a Miss America Pageant broke out?

Such was the Presidents Cup, which again had so many hugs and kisses you expected Fred Couples would be presented a tiara and scepter at the closing ceremony.

A good time was had by all at Harding Park, which was not a good thing. If the Presidents Cup is ever going to matter, it needs a little less self-adoration and a little more animosity.

By matter, I mean give viewers a reason to click over from the NFL on an October afternoon. The average American sports fan is conditioned to expect a couple of simple things -- the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

Failing those, how about a little suspense? The U.S. was so dominant I was afraid Barack Obama was going to call and apologize to the International team.

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Week in Review: Praying for Peace in the Sports World

David Whitley — 2009-10-11T17:30:00 00:00

by David WhitleyThe Nobel Prize Committee caused a stink last week when it awarded the Heisman Trophy to Barack Obama.

The president admitted he was a bit surprised, but then again he wasn't sure why those kooky Norwegians also gave him a Peace Prize. I think they see how Obama's diplomatic skills can quell some of our most bitter disputes.

Israel-Palestinians. Iran-Sanity. Braylon-LeBron. Bobby Bowden-Father Time. Charlie Weis-Pollsters. Miguel Cabrera-Sobriety. Rush Limbaugh-NFL players.

(Note: We refuse to throw in Jon and Kate since we are sick of those no-talents hogging tabloid attention that should be going to David Letterman's sex life).

When it comes to warring factions, comedians and the Middle East had nothing on America's sports scene last week. It started in Cleveland where Braylon Edwards allegedly whacked LeBron James' pal Edward Givens outside a nightclub.

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Tiger Proves His Worth Yet Again

David Whitley — 2009-10-10T23:06:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: Presidents Cup

SAN FRANCISCO -- Tiger Woods debuted this week as the first billion-dollar athlete. If that thought left you bemused, perplexed or angry, Woods showed Saturday why people throw money at him.

He's worth it.

Example No. 3,539 -- With the International team losing its grip on the Presidents Cup, he made a 24-foot putt to tie his match on the 17th hole. His next swing was a 229-yard laser that ended up 15 feet from the hole.

The International team of Mike Weir and Tim Clark literally surrendered.

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Golf In the Olympics -- Hooray?

David Whitley — 2009-10-09T21:45:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: Olympics

SAN FRANCISCO -- The world's greatest golfers awoke Friday to news they can now be Olympians.

Somewhere the ancient Greeks are weeping. What's worse, somewhere the modern Chinese are working on a Human Golf Hormone drug.

Their orders are to seize any child who resembles Tiger Woods, pump him full of top-secret Birdie Juice and bring home the gold in 2016 from Rio de Janeiro.

Or else.

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Air Jordan Full of Hot Air on Golf Course

David Whitley — 2009-10-09T01:00:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: PGA, Presidents Cup

SAN FRANCISCO -- So much for the Jordan Effect.

Captain Fred Couples brought in Michael Jordan to instill confidence and camaraderie in the American team for this week's Presidents Cup. But after one day, it's obvious that Texas native Justin Leonard is no Jordan.

MJ never missed the last shot, especially when it was a three-footer. Leonard blew such a layup to inadvertently help salvage the International team's day.

The Americans still lead 3 1/2 to 2 1/2 and will probably still win this thing. But the notion that Jordan's presence will have any bearing either way pretty much went up in smoke on Thursday.

Fear not, San Franciscans. We don't mean cigar smoke.

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Commissioner, UFL Primed for Takeoff

David Whitley — 2009-10-08T14:15:00 00:00

by David Whitley

Filed under: UFL, FanHouse Exclusive

The cloud was large and nasty, sort of like Donald Trump's ego after he doesn't get his way. Michael Huyghue knew what to do.

"I need to deviate around some buildup," he radioed the control tower.

A few tilts and turns later, we were again flying in sunny skies. Not that anyone in the six-seat plane was worried.

I'd trust my life to Huyghue. At that point, I didn't have much choice.

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