FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com/media/feedlogo.gif FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com en-us Copyright 2009 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/ The Dugout: Digging For Fire http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/28/the-dugout-digging-for-fire/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/28/the-dugout-digging-for-fire/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/28/the-dugout-digging-for-fire/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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The Astros' Roy Oswalt is frustrated by the lack of fire in his team's clubhouse, and who can blame him? Obviously, they're not going to be able to overcome a team OPS+ of 93, a team ERA+ of 94, and a 9.5-game deficit in the wild card standings, but you know what? With a little get-up-and go, they could conceive of, design, and build a rocket ship so that they could search the universe and join an alien baseball league full of teams that aren't as good.

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> berkmansworldicrappedmyhunterpencepattonoswaltroy oswaltRoyOswalt Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-28T19:10:00 00:00 The Dugout: When to Stop Laughing at Lenny Dykstra http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/27/the-dugout-when-to-stop-laughing-at-lenny-dykstra/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/27/the-dugout-when-to-stop-laughing-at-lenny-dykstra/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/27/the-dugout-when-to-stop-laughing-at-lenny-dykstra/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Since learning how much of a misanthropic jerk Lenny Dykstra is capable of being, it's been harder and harder for the public to hold any sympathy for him, even when his plight gets worse and worse. The reluctance is completely justified.

With that said, The Dugout now undertakes the unenviable, and perhaps foolhardy, task of writing Dykstra as a sympathetic figure. Read it after the jump.

 

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]]> carpetsofdaultoncowboycurtsdirtymorandinilenny dykstraLennyDykstratardasnails Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-27T20:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: The New York Mets Live in a Fallen World http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/24/the-dugout-the-new-york-mets-live-in-a-fallen-world/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/24/the-dugout-the-new-york-mets-live-in-a-fallen-world/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/24/the-dugout-the-new-york-mets-live-in-a-fallen-world/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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The Mets enjoy a large payroll, a new stadium, and a large city that boasts millions of loyal fans, so it's difficult to make the argument that God hates them. But He clearly holds a grudge, as evidenced by Sunday's bottom-of-the-ninth, rally-killing, unassisted triple play. It was the second time in the history of Major League Baseball that a game ended with such a play. Then a plague of frogs descended upon Citi Field, and it was good.

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> dudleydowrightdugout_godfrancoeuamericaninstructionmanueljeff francoeurJeffFrancoeurwordupthome Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-24T18:10:00 00:00 The Dugout: We Can Rebuild Him http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/21/the-dugout-we-can-rebuild-him/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/21/the-dugout-we-can-rebuild-him/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/21/the-dugout-we-can-rebuild-him/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Mark Prior has not pitched a game in the major leagues since 2006. Thanks to state-of-the-art age-progression software, here is an image of what he might look like today. If you see him, please contact your local police department. Also, please check the back of this website for valuable Little Caesar's coupons.

The Dugout has had a lot of fun making light of Prior's perennially injured status, largely because we sit in front of our computers all day and are free of the perils of playing sports or going outside. As Matt Snyder points out, though, he didn't ask for this. Despite the frustration and the jeers, he refuses to quit, and we're pulling for him.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> back_in_budmark priormarkpreviousMarkPrior Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-21T08:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: The Royals' Playoff Hopes Are Suddenly In Doubt http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/20/the-dugout-the-royals-playoff-hopes-are-suddenly-in-doubt/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/20/the-dugout-the-royals-playoff-hopes-are-suddenly-in-doubt/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/20/the-dugout-the-royals-playoff-hopes-are-suddenly-in-doubt/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Wednesday night's loss to the White Sox didn't help the Royals' playoff chances one bit. It was a sobering night for Royals fans, who now have to come to terms with the possibility that their team might not be playing baseball late into October.

This team can still make it this year, though, if they do a few things right. There's a very strong possibility that today's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> brian_bar_bannistergreinkedinksjoakimbackkotterkyle farnsworthKyleFarnsworthpr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rthtreyhillmixWhite Sox Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-20T10:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: Favre Signs With Twins http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/18/the-dugout-brett-favre-signs-with-twins/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/18/the-dugout-brett-favre-signs-with-twins/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/18/the-dugout-brett-favre-signs-with-twins/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Brett Favre, seen here speaking with his agent, can no longer be rightly described as a polarizing figure in the baseball world. Nearly everyone is weary of his habitual false retirements and underwhelming comebacks. Yet again, though, Favre finds himself unable to walk away from baseball. Today, he announced that he will come out of retirement to play for Minnesota.

Whether the Twins will benefit from his comeback remains to be seen. Today's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> ballfavrebrett favreBrettFavredudeyergettinadelmonicasillathinglawnmauerlirianohuffingtonrongardezackandmirimakeamorneau Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-18T16:45:00 00:00 The Dugout: Giant Pile of Money http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/17/the-dugout-giant-pile-of-money/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/17/the-dugout-giant-pile-of-money/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/17/the-dugout-giant-pile-of-money/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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The rumored $15-20 million offer to Stephen Strasburg, of course, isn't anywhere near the largest monetary value thrown around in today's game, but it's a whopper of a salary for a guy who hasn't thrown a single major-league pitch in his life. Perspective is always helpful when discussing huge amounts of money, and the penny serves as a handy visual aid. $20 million, for example, is two billion pennies. That many pennies would weigh over eleven million pounds. That's a lot of pounds! See how easy this is?

Admission to today's Dugout, after the jump, is fifty cents. Just shove it in your CD-ROM drive; it'll get to us.

 

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]]> slowlernerstephen strasburgStephenStrasburgstrasburgersyndromezimmermantelegram Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-17T11:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: For Love of the Game http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/15/the-dugout-for-love-of-the-game/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/15/the-dugout-for-love-of-the-game/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/08/15/the-dugout-for-love-of-the-game/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Adrian BeltreI've been trying to put together something on Adrian Beltre's horrifying testicular injury for days now. My original effort was the result of me turning on caps lock, banging the keyboard with my fists, staring at the ceiling, and screaming. It was probably the most honest thing I've ever written, but it was kind of a long read, so I scrapped it.

In its place, today's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> adrian beltreAdrianBeltreelijah_pricewakamoleyourwordsbeltreyou Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-08-15T14:45:00 00:00 The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes, Month of July Edition http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/31/the-dugout-jokes-and-jokes-month-of-july-edition/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/31/the-dugout-jokes-and-jokes-month-of-july-edition/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/31/the-dugout-jokes-and-jokes-month-of-july-edition/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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July was some kind of month. We saw, among other things, a perfect game, an All-Star Game, an exodus of players to competitive teams, our monthly ration of steroid drama, and a baseball executive who was fired for throwing down his shirt as though it were a gauntlet and challenging his players to a fight.

So once again, The Dugout calls upon the insights of Bobby Cox and Charlie Manuel to puree the month of July into a series of easily-digestible puns. Read it after the jump.

 

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]]> bobby coxBobbyCoxbobbycoxercharlie manuelCharlieManuelmanuellabor Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-31T20:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: The Renaissance Man http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/26/the-dugout-the-renaissance-man/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/26/the-dugout-the-renaissance-man/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/26/the-dugout-the-renaissance-man/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Within four short years, Tony Pena, Jr. has mastered the art of hitting.

There is nothing more that he can possibly accomplish with the baseball bat. As such, he's planning on becoming a pitcher.

To you and I, pitching is a hopelessly sophisticated art that is fully understood by few and mastered by almost nobody. To Pena, it is merely another domain to conquer.

Your Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> penacoladapenanoirtony pena jr.TonyPenaJr.treyhillmix Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-26T21:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: Stop, Thief http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/25/the-dugout-stop-thief/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/25/the-dugout-stop-thief/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/25/the-dugout-stop-thief/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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On Sunday, Rickey Henderson will be inducted to the Baseball Hall of Fame. We're happily anticipating the induction speech of one of the most colorful players in the history of baseball, sure. It never seemed, though, that he would ever stay retired long enough for us to drag him into the Hall.

We've caught the thief, but we all know he's good for another thousand stolen bases. Saturday's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> beaneballbud_is_wiserricepilafrickey hendersonrickeyandthehendersonsRickeyHenderson Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-25T19:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: Rise of the Machines http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/24/the-dugout-rise-of-the-machines/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/24/the-dugout-rise-of-the-machines/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/24/the-dugout-rise-of-the-machines/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Google has rendered private detectives largely unnecessary. The video game revolution has brought tough times upon jump rope manufacturers. And now, as Lackey reports, a pair of baseball-playing robots have been built. Yes, it's only a matter of time before today's baseball players are disenfranchised for the benefit of a weird-looking arm thing that sits on a table and chucks a baseball.

More to the point, though: never, ever let bots into chat rooms. Your Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> joakimbackkotterkyle farnsworthKyleFarnswortholivosuddenpr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rthtreyhillmix Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-24T19:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: Luncheons Are for Mortals http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/18/the-dugout-luncheons-are-for-mortals/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/18/the-dugout-luncheons-are-for-mortals/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/18/the-dugout-luncheons-are-for-mortals/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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On Friday, the Braves celebrated Greg Maddux's election into their Hall of Fame by throwing a luncheon in his honor. Baseball fans, of course, recognize him as one of the greatest pitchers of all time. However, he's about as much of a pop-culture presence as Hideki Irabu (Maddux pieced together a shoo-in Hall of Fame career as quietly as possible; Irabu was mentioned in the series finale of Seinfeld).

I'd venture to guess that Maddux isn't bothered by this in the least. He humored his peers, but I suspect that he spent the entire luncheon silently reciting the Periodic Table of Elements to himself, or trying to remember whether Calvin Coolidge died before or after Herbert Hoover.

A Dugout in honor of Greg Maddux is after the jump. Greg Maddux is ambivalent.

 

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]]> achipofftheol_erjonesalltheperezeddiesmenchipper jonesChipperJonesdon suttonDonSuttoneddie perezEddiePerezgreg madduxGregMadduxmaddux.xmission.comsuttondeath Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-18T17:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: The Most Even Trade Ever http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/11/the-dugout-the-most-even-trade-ever/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/11/the-dugout-the-most-even-trade-ever/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/11/the-dugout-the-most-even-trade-ever/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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As we reported on Friday, the Braves traded an under-performing outfielder, Jeff Francoeur, to the Mets for an under-performing outfielder, Ryan Church. My theory? The general managers were just bored. Saturday's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> benjaminfrankwrenfrank wrenFrankWrenomar minayaOmarMinayaomar_goodness Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-11T08:00:00 00:00 The Dugout's Speculation Station: What Is Going On in This Commercial? http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/10/the-dugouts-speculation-station-what-is-going-on-in-this-comme/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/10/the-dugouts-speculation-station-what-is-going-on-in-this-comme/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/10/the-dugouts-speculation-station-what-is-going-on-in-this-comme/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Have you seen the commercial for this year's All-Star Game yet? If not, here's a brief summary. A hand comes out of the sky and pulls the Gateway Arch out of the ground. It turns out that the Gateway Arch is a magnet that can attract baseball players and fans to it. (A special magnet.) The hand moves it all around America, picks up a bunch of people, then dumps them all on the Busch Stadium turf while Albert Pujols stands there and scowls. It's amazing.

It takes a minute to watch, but an eternity to comprehend. Fortunately, The Dugout's Speculation Station is here to help. Your Dugout is after the jump, and so is the video.

 

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]]> achipofftheol_erjonesbrian bannisterBrianBannisterbrian_bar_bannistercarlos delgadoCarlosDelgadochipper jonesChipperJonesdelgadoservesomebodythespeculationstation Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-10T10:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: Winning Games Is Easy http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/09/the-dugout-winning-games-is-easy/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/09/the-dugout-winning-games-is-easy/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/09/the-dugout-winning-games-is-easy/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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On Tuesday night's game between the Nationals and Rockies, Alan Embree earned the win without even throwing a pitch. For one night, at least, he got to live the life of a fantasy baseball team owner.

The real story here, of course, is that the win statistic suddenly seems a little trivial. Baseball experts across the board have always agreed that wins are the definitive pitching statistic. ERA? WHIP? Maybe those nerds at the acronym factory are on to something, because a zero-pitch win just doesn't seem right. Then again, Embree was up against the Nationals, and everyone wins against the Nationals.

Wednesday morning's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> alan embreeAlanEmbreedmitri youngDmitriYoungglasshalfembreejim tracyJimTracyRockiessteakgrowsondmitritracytakeson Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-09T10:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: Mistakes Were Made http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/06/the-dugout-mistakes-were-made/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/06/the-dugout-mistakes-were-made/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/07/06/the-dugout-mistakes-were-made/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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The All-Star Game rosters were announced Sunday, and both the American League and National League rosters seem to be missing some names. Baseball fans unwittingly exhibited the follies of the democratic process when they failed to vote for guys like Adam Lind, Kevin Millwood, and Adam Dunn.

Of course, All-Star snubs are an annual ritual. All told, the rosters aren't bad. In today's Dugout, it's revealed that they could have been far, far worse. Read it after the jump.

 

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]]> all-star gameAll-starGamebud seligBudSeligbud_is_wisercharlie manuelCharlieManueljoe maddonJoeMaddonmaddon2009manuellabor Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-07-06T16:40:00 00:00 The Dugout: Jokes and Jokes http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/30/the-dugout-jokes-and-jokes/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/30/the-dugout-jokes-and-jokes/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/30/the-dugout-jokes-and-jokes/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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June was quite a month. On the field, Randy Johnson earned his 300th win, and the Rockies caught fire after promoting Jim Tracy to manager. Off the field, Donald Fehr stepped down as executive director of the Player's Association, the Nationals drafted super-prospect Stephen Strasburg, and it was learned that everyone in the entire universe has been using steroids.

The Dugout personas of Charlie Manuel and Bobby Cox break it all down in this evening's Dugout, after the jump.

 

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]]> bobby coxBobbyCoxbobbycoxercharlie manuelCharlieManuelmanuellabor Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-06-30T23:30:00 00:00 The Dugout: So You Want to Be an American Citizen http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/27/the-dugout-so-you-want-to-be-an-american-citizen/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/27/the-dugout-so-you-want-to-be-an-american-citizen/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/27/the-dugout-so-you-want-to-be-an-american-citizen/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Jason Bay will soon be an American citizen. He aced his U.S. Citizenship exam, and as soon as he learns the secret American handshake and receives his key to the workout room, it will be a done deal.

Matt Snyder already posted a few (easy) citizenship exam questions. Plenty more are divulged in Saturday's Dugout, after the jump.

 

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]]> iwouldfloat500maelsjason bayJasonBaymaels rodriguezMaelsRodriguezthebayboy Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-06-27T20:00:00 00:00 The Dugout: The Left Fifth Metacarpal is a Stupid Bone Anyway http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/26/the-dugout-the-left-fifth-metacarpal-is-a-stupid-bone-anyway/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/26/the-dugout-the-left-fifth-metacarpal-is-a-stupid-bone-anyway/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/06/26/the-dugout-the-left-fifth-metacarpal-is-a-stupid-bone-anyway/#comments Jon Boisby Jon Bois

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Jeff Bennett is notable for two reasons. First off, he's the unfortunate subject of the most unflattering photograph ever taken (see image right). Second, on Wednesday, he sucker-punched a dugout wall, broke his left fifth metacarpal, and returned to the mound to pitch another full inning.

The fracture didn't seem to adversely affect Bennett's performance. Which begs the question: how many times have you thought, "wow, I sure am glad I have a fifth metacarpal behind the pinky finger of my non-dominant hand! What a wonderful skeletal feature!" I never have. What a worthless bone.

Friday's Dugout is after the jump.

 

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]]> alex rodriguezAlexRodriguezbobby coxBobbyCoxbobbycoxerderek jeterDerekJeterjeff bennettJeffBennettjetersneverprosperster_rodthebraveswinthebennett Jon Bois jon-bois 2009-06-26T16:15:00 00:00