FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com/media/feedlogo.gif FanHouse http://www.fanhouse.com en-us Copyright 2009 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/ The Debriefing: SchruteBucks XXXIV http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/18/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxiv/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/18/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxiv/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/18/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxiv/#comments mjdby mjd

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-8,000,000, The Woman Who Accused and then Unaccused Pacman Jones of Assaulting her at the Fine Establishment Called "Body Tap"



Wanda S. Jackson is the woman's name, and until I learn differently, I'm going to assume that the "S" stands for "Strumpet Who Spreads Lies About Suspended Star Cornerbacks." I picture her parents as big fans of alliteration.

Yesterday she withdrew her accusation that Pacman Jones punched her at a strip club ... and I suppose, at the end of the day, there probably wasn't much damage done to Pacman's reputation. It's not like Wednesday was the day everyone decided first that Pacman might be a bit of a sleazebag, and it's not like there was any way, accusations or not, that people were going to think of Pac as a noble and honorable man on Friday.

Still, though, Wanda S. Jackson ... not cool.

 

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]]> SchruteBucksThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-18T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Does the NFL Offer a Rehab Program to Players Addicted to Nudie Bars? http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/16/the-debriefing-does-the-nfl-offer-a-rehab-program-to-players-ad/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/16/the-debriefing-does-the-nfl-offer-a-rehab-program-to-players-ad/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/16/the-debriefing-does-the-nfl-offer-a-rehab-program-to-players-ad/#comments mjdby mjd

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The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

 I'm Starting to Think Pacman Might Have a Problem ...



Pacman Jones hasn't been arrested or charged with anything in his latest entanglement in a house of adult pleasures, but to me, that's not the interesting part anyway. What interests me is the fact that Pacman Jones, despite the fact that strip club incidents have wrecked the last year of his life, is still going to the damn places.

There are a lot of people out there addicted to strip clubs -- examples here and here -- or at least they frequent them an unhealthy levels. I don't actually know Pacman, so I can't say for sure that he's an addict, but when someone keeps engaging in an activity that's clearly having a massively destructive effect on his life, that does sort of point a finger at addiction.

Also helping lead me to this conclusion: Pac doesn't differentiate between strip clubs and normal clubs, he says he goes there to the food (still), and justifies his trips there because "it's not like they're selling (vulgar synonym for female reproductive part)."

Oh, well, sure ... if they're not selling (vulgar synonym for female reproductive part), it must be a wholesome establishment that can be enjoyed by the whole family. Round up the kids and go!

(Also on Today's List: Juan Palacios keeps his mouth closed and possibly saves you from being gay ... Congress keeps on doing not a whole lot ... Wade Phillips didn't seem to be paying attention on Sunday ... and man, if Rich Rodriguez did what he's accused of doing, some angry West Virginian will likely assault him soon...)

 

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]]> Pacman JonesPacmanJonesThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-16T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: The Seven Deadly Sins of Sunday ... Divisional Weekend http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2008/01/14/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-divisional-w/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2008/01/14/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-divisional-w/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2008/01/14/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-divisional-w/#comments mjdby mjd

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For the group or person who played with, gained, or displayed some dignity on Sunday ...

The Sinner: Norv Turner



You're 8 point underdogs, your quarterback has been shaky, and you're going on the road to play the defending Super Bowl champions in maybe the league's most hostile environment. In addition, your tight end and biggest receiving threat is severely hobbled, and you're going to lose the league's best running back and your starting quarterback for much of the second half.

Name a coach who's going to go in there and get that win. Name a coach with the pants prunes to go into that Lion's Den, and come out with the lion's still-beating, blood-dripping heart in his triumphant, fearless hand.

Who do you want? Lombardi? Noll? Belichick? Walsh?

You want Norv.

Morv Motherflipping Turner.

 

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]]> Seven Deadly SinsSevenDeadlySinsThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-14T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: SchruteBucks XXXIII http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/11/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxiii/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/11/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxiii/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/11/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxiii/#comments mjdby mjd

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+200,000, Tony Romo

About 360 players remain active in the NFL playoffs. I'm willing to bet that more than one of them gave their wife or girlfriend the ol' pickle tickle at some point this past week, in a city that was not the one where they play football.

And yet, Tony Romo's the only one who we know about. Not only do we know it, in fact, it's become a weeklong saga.

I'm going to go ahead and give Tony a big pile of SchruteBucks now, so he can use them to cushion the fall if he loses to the Giants this weekend. If he does, a lot of people are going to blame Jessica Simpson, and, more specifically, Romo's desire to growl at her badger.

 

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]]> SchruteBucksThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-11T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Lynchings Aren't Really a Great Source of Comedy http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/09/the-debriefing-lynchings-arent-really-a-great-source-of-comedy/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/09/the-debriefing-lynchings-arent-really-a-great-source-of-comedy/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/09/the-debriefing-lynchings-arent-really-a-great-source-of-comedy/#comments mjdby mjd

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 Racial Insensitivity? In Golf? Nah...



At some point over the next few days, someone might ask me what the Jaguars have to do to beat the Patriots on Saturday night. And my response might be that they should kidnap Tom Brady, chain him to a pipe in a dark crawlspace somewhere, and have Tony Boselli beat him with a bag of Canadian quarters until the game is over.

Now, I don't really want that to happen to Tom Brady (at the very least, the quarters are unnecessary). You know that. People joke like this ... they suggest that the best or only way to overcome a superior talent is if that superior talent is unable to actually compete, and they often suggest an odd or humorous way for that talent to become incapacitated.

I joke like this. Friends of mine joke like this. You might joke like this. And The Golf Channel's Kelly Tilghman tried to joke like this ... but she unfortunately missed the all-important comedy lesson that lynching black people isn't something people have a sense of humor about.

(Also on Today's List: Joe Gibbs was not going to get a better opportunity to leave with his legacy intact ... The guy who voted Brett Favre for MVP explains himself, but he shouldn't have to ... West Virginians might want to tone back the death threats, just a little bit ... and someone likes Norv Turner...)

 

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]]> The DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-09T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Like Everything Else, the BCS Championship Game Appears to Be in Reruns http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/08/the-debriefing-like-everything-else-the-bcs-championship-game/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/08/the-debriefing-like-everything-else-the-bcs-championship-game/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/08/the-debriefing-like-everything-else-the-bcs-championship-game/#comments mjdby mjd

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 Ohio State Reprises the Role of College Football's Washington Generals



Today's first order of business is to congratulate the LSU Tigers on their BCS Championship Game victory last night. And today's second order of business is to wonder exactly how much snickering we should be doing at the expense of the Big Ten.

Truly, the Buckeyes don't have anything to be ashamed of. They lost to a very good LSU team last night, and for a Big Ten team, the Buckeyes are a pretty decent squad. Making it to consecutive BCS Championship games is something to be proud of, as long as you note that they got to this one by mowing through a pathetic non-conference schedule and a weak Big Ten. It's still something to be proud of. Probably.

Granted, fans of rival teams and conferences might not frame it that same way when they mention it, but I guess that's just the price you pay for being ... well, pretty good.

(Also on Today's List: So, what exactly did LSU win last night? ... June Jones doesn't so much take the SMU job, as he runs screaming away from the Hawaii job ... This Roger Clemens thing is getting so weird ... ESPN desperately wants another Anthony Smith situation ... and we honor LSU's White Hammer, Jacob Hester...)

 

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]]> The DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-08T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: The Seven Deadly Sins of Sunday ... Wildcard Weekend http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2008/01/07/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-wildcard-weekend/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2008/01/07/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-wildcard-weekend/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2008/01/07/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-wildcard-weekend/#comments mjdby mjd

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For those who were left in a position to be jealous on Sunday ...



The Sinner: The Running Game

Here's a bit of advice for the teams remaining in the NFL playoffs: Take the half of your playbook that deals with running plays, tear it out, and give it to Matt Millen so he can color on it. It is of little consequence.

If we learned one thing through the four games of NFL Wildcard Weekend, it was that if you can throw the ball, you can win. Defensive lines -- particularly the ones for playoff teams, and that's no coincidence -- have gotten too big and too good. It's nice if you have an offense that can go through them, but it's not something you can bank on. The better and more reliable strategy is to go over the top of them.

In different ways, each game this weekend served to highlight the death of the "you have to run the ball in the playoffs" philosophy.

 

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]]> Seven Deadly SinsSevenDeadlySinsThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-07T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: SchruteBucks XXXII http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/04/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxii/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/04/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxii/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2008/01/04/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxii/#comments mjdby mjd

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-85,000, The Atlantic Coast Conference



I promise, we'll get to the part where we snuggle up to Kansas's jock a little bit later, but I'd rather start by pointing and laughing at the ACC.

With the Jayhawks' uprising last night, the ACC lost their 8th straight BCS bowl game, and their 9th in their last 10 tries. Since it's fun to compare college football and the NFL, let's go ahead and label the ACC college football's version of the NFC West.

I'd take the Seahawks out of the equation to make the putridity match up a little better, but they help strengthen the analogy. If the Seahawks hadn't migrated over from the AFC, the NFC West would be really pathetic; and if the ACC hadn't raided the Big East for Virginia Tech, Boston College, and Miami, they'd be equally screwed.

 

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]]> SchruteBucksThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-04T10:35:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Did Hawaii Belong in the BCS? Not Really, But Sure, Why Not? http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2008/01/02/the-debriefing-did-hawaii-belong-in-the-bcs-not-really-but-s/ http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2008/01/02/the-debriefing-did-hawaii-belong-in-the-bcs-not-really-but-s/ http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2008/01/02/the-debriefing-did-hawaii-belong-in-the-bcs-not-really-but-s/#comments mjdby mjd

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 The Warriors Deserved to Be There ... as Much as Anyone Else, Anyway



Hawaii spent a season putting up unfathomable numbers against incapable opponents, and when suddenly facing with a team that's actually ranked among the top 50 (or, in this case, top 5), Georgia stuck an apple in their mouth, then glazed and roasted them while tourists danced about in grass skirts.

And now, in light of the pounding that Hawaii took in the Sugar Bowl last night, the popular question to ask is if they deserved to there at all. To that, I would answer, "It's the BCS. What does 'deserve' have to do with anything?"

(Also on Today's List: I miss the old way of doing January 1st ... A lot of these bowl games seem like low-quality carbon copies of one another ... that hockey game seemed like a big hit, so obviously, the NHL shouldn't do it again ... and Big Red was robbed in the Mascot of the Year competition...)

 

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]]> The DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2008-01-02T09:50:00 00:00 The Debriefing: The Seven Deadly Sins of Sunday ... Week 17 http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/31/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-week-17/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/31/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-week-17/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/31/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-week-17/#comments mjdby mjd

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The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



For the group who played with, gained, or displayed some dignity on Sunday ...

The Sinner: The Washington Redskins



Four weeks ago, the Washington Redskins were 5-7. They still had road games at the Giants and Vikings, as well a home game against Dallas. They had players openly crying on the field when they looked over at the safety position and did not see #21. And they had a head coach who outright cost his team a game because he either didn't know or couldn't remember a rule.

I did not have them pegged as a safe playoff bet.

But here they are, ready to travel to Seattle for a playoff game on Saturday afternoon. It's not Minnesota and their power in the trenches, it's not New Orleans and their aerial assault, and it's not Philadelphia and their playoff pedigree ... it's the Redskins and their endless grief.

I credit two things for the Redskins turnaround: Todd Collins ... and that same endless grief.

 

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]]> Seven Deadly SinsSevenDeadlySinsThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-31T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: SchruteBucks XXXI http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/28/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxi/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/28/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxi/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/28/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxxi/#comments mjdby mjd

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+50 SchruteCents, Roger Clemens

Roger Clemens is either really adamant that he was wrongly named in the Mitchell Report, or he really wants it to look that way.

First, he took the fight to YouTube, and now he's hired private investigators to poke holes at the credibility of Brian McNamee, the guy who says he shoved performance enhancers into Clemens' tushie (said tushie pictured above).

If the investigators are looking to discredit McNamee, it could be really, really difficult for them ... they might have to go so far as reading ESPN.com or FanHouse. I don't know what they're hoping to turn up, but if their goal is to expose McNamee as a shady character, I think most people already put that together from the fact that he was injecting steroids into people's asses in hotel rooms.

 

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]]> SchruteBucksThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-28T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Looking an NFL Gift Horse in the Mouth http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/27/the-debriefing-looking-a-nfl-gift-horse-in-the-mouth/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/27/the-debriefing-looking-a-nfl-gift-horse-in-the-mouth/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/27/the-debriefing-looking-a-nfl-gift-horse-in-the-mouth/#comments mjdby mjd

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 What Have We Done to Deserve Roger Goodell's Generosity?



Just hours ago, the most important regular season NFL game in decades was only going to be available on a network that most people don't get. Something moved NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, however, and now the game is on three different networks, two of which you can get without so much as a subscription to cable.

I could assume that Roger Goodell's just being a nice guy about it. I could choose to believe that sometime over the holidays, Goodell was visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, saw the error of his ways, and decided to share his gift of NFL programming with the world, and Rich Eisen jumped up on the studio desk and shouted, "God bless us, everyone!"

I'm going to choose to be a little more cynical, though.

(Also on Today's List: Tom Coughlin is entitled to rest or not rest anybody he wants, and there's a very good reason why it doesn't matter anyway ... it's a huge, huge day for players vs. officials battles, and now, there are guns involved ... and someone's accusing Kobe Bryant of plotting to murder the woman who accused him of rape ...)

 

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]]> The DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-27T10:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: SchruteBucks XXX http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/21/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxx/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/21/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxx/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/21/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxx/#comments mjdby mjd

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I've been waiting a long time for SchruteBucks XXX ... when it eventually rolled around, I had planned to make it an all-porno edition. But that wouldn't feel right, since it's so close to Christmas, and so many of you are already asking Santa Claus for hardcore, barely legal porno this year.

So, to celebrate the season ... nothing but positive SchruteBucks this week. There's not a lump of coal in the bunch. Enjoy the positivity.



+4,500, Najeh Davenport

The NFL's leading rusher had his leg snapped last night, and that's going to make it difficult for him to be an effective running back the rest of the year.

And conventional wisdom suggests that when a team loses the NFL's leading rusher, their running game will suffer. I don't know if that's the case in Pittsburgh.

 

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]]> SchruteBucksThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-21T09:12:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Well, if Roger Clemens Says He's Clean ... http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/19/the-debriefing-well-if-roger-clemens-says-hes-clean/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/19/the-debriefing-well-if-roger-clemens-says-hes-clean/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/19/the-debriefing-well-if-roger-clemens-says-hes-clean/#comments mjdby mjd

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NOTE: There will be no Debriefing on the morning of Thursday, December 20th, as MJD has been wrongfully accused of slipping a large dose of Cialis into the morning coffee of a mall Santa Claus, and then hiding behind a Pepperidge Farms kiosk and watching the horror unfold.

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

"Benefit of the Doubt" ... That's a Good One



A Major League Baseball player would like the "benefit of the doubt" on the issue of whether or not he used steroids. Also, a member of the Klu Klux Klan would like the benefit of the doubt on whether or not he's racist, and one of the Spears girls would like the benefit of the doubt on the issue of family planning.

Said Roger Clemens yesterday, "I am disappointed that my 25 years in public life have apparently not earned me the benefit of the doubt." Really? Well, I'm disappointed that my 15 years as an internet porn fiend haven't earned me the title of a gifted and romantic lover, but I'm afraid that's the hand that life's dealt me. Some labels, we're just stuck with.

(Also on Today's List: Hardened criminals, the Big Ten believes you deserve a second chance at meaningful employment ... Michigan believes itself to be very, very special ... Terrell Owens isn't popping off yet, but he's ready to ... and Fred Taylor, I hope, will be comforted just a little bit with Yesterday's MVP...)

 

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]]> Roger ClemensRogerClemensThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-19T09:05:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Santa's Lead Blocker is Working Overtime http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/18/the-debriefing-santas-lead-blocker-is-working-overtime/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/18/the-debriefing-santas-lead-blocker-is-working-overtime/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/18/the-debriefing-santas-lead-blocker-is-working-overtime/#comments mjdby mjd

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 Santa's Lead Blocker: Michael Vick's Bentley



We're going all Santa's Lead Blocker today, just in case any of you are stuck for gift-giving ideas. We're going to try to hit every price range, too, and we're starting at the top ... up first is a 2006 Bentley Continental GT once owned by Michael Vick.

It's a beautiful car, and a series of detailed pictures make it clear that someone's spent a lot of time and effort cleaning all the pitbull blood out of it. It's spotless. And since Mike isn't going farther than the commissary these days, someone might as well be able to get some use out of it.

(Also on Today's List: Put your ass where Mike Ditka's ass once was ... The perfect garter belt if you're marrying a total whore ... A sample of horse DNA that you don't have to get yourself ... And the Vancouver Grizzlies leave us with quite possibly the ugliest t-shirt that's ever been produced...)

 

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]]> The DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-18T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: The Seven Deadly Sins of Sunday ... Week 15 http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/17/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-week-15/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/17/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-week-15/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/17/the-debriefing-the-seven-deadly-sins-of-sunday-week-15/#comments mjdby mjd

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The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.



For the group who played with, gained, or displayed some dignity on Sunday ...

The Sinner: Jason Taylor and the Miami Dolphins



The Packers clinched a first round bye yesterday. So did the Colts. Tampa Bay and San Diego both clinched division titles. Cleveland got a huge win and pulled into a tie for the lead in the AFC North. Brett Favre broke the all-time record for passing yards. Bill Belichick beat the guy who ratted him out for cheating. Tony Romo went home with a smitten Jessica Simpson.

But I doubt that any of them -- even Romo -- are as happy as the Miami Dolphins this morning.

Because sometimes, a win is more desirable than doing the hibbity-dibbity with Jessica Simpson. Not always, mind you ... but sometimes. And my guess is that when you're 0-13, you'll take a win and a cheap prostitute over a loss and a night of unbridled passion with the star of Blonde Ambition.

 

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]]> Seven Deadly SinsSevenDeadlySinsThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-17T11:15:00 00:00 The Debriefing: SchruteBucks XXIX http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/14/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxix/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/14/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxix/ http://backporch.fanhouse.com/2007/12/14/the-debriefing-schrutebucks-xxix/#comments mjdby mjd

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+40,000, George Mitchell



The former Senator delivered his own SchruteBuck list yesterday (it received a little bit of media attention), except that in his report, no one actually received any SchruteBucks. There were plenty of deductions, though ... the MLB players union, MLB, Roger Clemens, and Andy Pettitte all took it hard, and probably in that order.

I can't think of a single other thing like this that's happened in sports in my lifetime. A league will acknowledge a problem they have every now and then, and say they're working to fix it ... but never has any league called this kind of press conference, shone the spotlight so brightly on themselves, and said to anyone who would listen, "Hey ... look how messed up we are."

Maybe there wasn't a ton of new information in the report. Maybe it was 300+ pages of interviews with Kirk Radomski and Brian McNamee, and then a bunch of stuff you could've found in Google searches. But it's certainly not useless.

 

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]]> Mitchell ReportMitchellReportSchruteBucksThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-14T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: Senator Mitchell Is Bringing Christmas Early http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2007/12/13/the-debriefing-senator-mitchell-is-bringing-christmas-early/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2007/12/13/the-debriefing-senator-mitchell-is-bringing-christmas-early/ http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2007/12/13/the-debriefing-senator-mitchell-is-bringing-christmas-early/#comments mjdby mjd

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The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

 George Mitchell Has His Own Naughty/Nice List, and it Appears to be Short on "Nice"



If there's one thing we love to do in America, it's tear people down. The blogosphere in particular specializes in this. If you're famous for any positive or neutral reason, there is nothing that would bring us greater joy than to reduce your once-joyous life to a big, steaming pile of Najeh Davenport byproduct.

It's an American tradition. It brings us together.

Which is why today is going to be like an early Christmas for a lot of baseball fans. George Mitchell is going to bring you MVPs and Cy Young Winners, just like Cousin Eddie brought Clark Griswold his boss on Christmas Eve. They'll be wrapped up and with a big shiny bow on their heads, and in your stocking will be a tire iron you can use to cave in their chemically-enlarged skulls.

? Joy to the World ? ...

(Also on Today's List: The Jets get caught red-handed doing something perfectly legal and innocent ... Keyshawn and Terrell Owens will not be inviting one another to slumber parties anymore ... Santa's Lead Blocker helps you dress like the asskicker that you were born to be ... and whoever's in charge of not apologizing for Arthur Blank owes someone an apology...)

 

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]]> The DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-13T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: The Atlanta Falcons are Probably Having a Worse Week Than You http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/12/the-debriefing-the-atlanta-falcons-are-probably-having-a-worse/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/12/the-debriefing-the-atlanta-falcons-are-probably-having-a-worse/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/12/the-debriefing-the-atlanta-falcons-are-probably-having-a-worse/#comments mjdby mjd

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The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

 Arthur Blank Should Try Hiring Someone Who ISN'T a Dirty, Dirty, Liar



Monday, their former star quarterback was sent to prison for the better part of two years. Later that night, they were crushed by a division rival on national television. The day after, their head coach bolts in the night and shows up in Arkansas ... the coaching equivalent of Mayflower vans moving the Colts out of Baltimore with no warning.

For an NFL franchise, a week doesn't get much worse than that. By Friday, it wouldn't shock me if the news broke that Warrick Dunn had participated in ethnic cleansing in Darfur and that the Georgia Dome had burned to the ground.

Bobby Petrino quit on the Falcons and took over as the head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks, and to be honest with you, I feel ripped off. Not because I care about the Falcons in any way -- and even if I did, I doubt very much that the loss of Petrino would cause me to frown -- but I feel ripped off because we, as fans, deserved at least 24 hours to poke fun of his wretched stint as a Falcons head coach.

On the same day he cuts and runs from Atlanta, he's all full of joy and light at his Arkansas press conference? Infuriating. With as bad as he was as the Falcons head coach, and now with the knowledge that he's a liar and a quitter (DeAngelo Hall's completely justified reaction frames that pretty well), he deserved, and we deserved, at least a day of Petrino being publicly humiliated with a traditional firing.

(Also on Today's List: The difference between Herman Edwards and Isiah Thomas ... best wishes for TJ Ford, who I hoped would never feel a stretcher against his back again ... a couple of great Christmas items for the sports fan in your life who loves douchebags ... and Tiger Woods has no insight on whether or not your boyfriend is gay...)

 

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]]> Bobby PetrinoBobbyPetrinoThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-12T09:00:00 00:00 The Debriefing: I Can't Wait for Michael Vick to Show Up on PrisonPenPals.com http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/11/the-debriefing-i-cant-wait-for-michael-vick-to-show-up-on-pri/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/11/the-debriefing-i-cant-wait-for-michael-vick-to-show-up-on-pri/ http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2007/12/11/the-debriefing-i-cant-wait-for-michael-vick-to-show-up-on-pri/#comments mjdby mjd

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The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

 Mail Call! Mail Call for Prisoner #7!

I'm not excited that Michael Vick is now in prison. However, if he eventually shows up on PrisonPenPals.com, I'm damn sure not going to waste the opportunity. In anticipation, I've begun drafting my first letter.

Hi Mike!



I hope your cot is nice and fluffy and that there aren't too many Nazi skinheads around. If there are, though, try to be nice to them, because I saw this movie once, called American History X, and Ed Norton played a Nazi skinhead who turned out to be kind of nice. You wouldn't want to pass up on opportunity to make a friend like that.

Then again, that movie also had Ed Norton Jr. dunking a basketball, so that movie's probably a bunch of horsepuckey. Maybe it's best to just stay away from the Nazi skinheads. I don't know. Your call.

Anyhoo, I hope you're not too down about things. I know it's probably easy to sit in your cell, stare at the concrete walls, realize that every day of your life for the next 20 months will be exactly the same and filled with constant abject misery, and you're probably thinking to yourself, "Wow, I really made a series of bad decisions."

Understatement of the year! But don't think like that. Be positive!


(Also on Today's List: Yesterday was a pretty sad day, too, all things considered ... But I do think Michael Vick can return to the NFL, or at least some professional football league someday ... Brett Favre will slap it just to see it jiggle ... And Drew Brees takes everything the Falcons defense gives him, and that's quite a lot... )

 

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]]> Michael VickMichaelVickThe DebriefingTheDebriefing mjd mjd 2007-12-11T09:00:00 00:00