Will Brinson Posts

No, don't freak out -- Thom Yorke won't be doing any left-turned sprints around a dirt track as a jockey whips his hide this weekend (at least not that I can confirm and/or report anyway), and his band doesn't actually doesn't even horse in the race either, as it might seem easy to insinuate.

Instead, it's just a horse named Radiohead, which is still pretty awesome from a pop culture perspective (and certainly better than being stuck in the desert on a horse with no name anyway).

Comedy Central and The Onion have long dominated their respective venues in terms of satirizing the tar out of the general news. There has been, however, a distinctively awkward void in the world of sports -- Versus attempted to fill this with their production of "Sports Soup" but when the best moment of that show includes Brandon Marshall hosting, well, it's pretty much doomed.

But it seems as if the humorous basic cable take on sports that we have all pined longingly for is about to emerge: CC and The Onion are joining forces to create a show. And, yeah, if you didn't just scream, "HOLY YES!" then you're a total, well, um, something.

Sometimes, you hear rumors about NBA players doing crazy things with women. That's just part of the game, though. Do you know what I am saying? But still, when I heard that Dwight Howard allegedly (bold = important, obvs) whipped out his, ahem, member at porn star Mary Carey while in the bathroom of N'Sync member Chris Kirkpatrick's house, well, let's just say I was shocked.

But that's the story she was preaching on the radio earlier this week.

Fantasy Felony helps you hijack your fellow team owners.

If at any point during your fantasy football season, barring injury, you typically want to add a first or second-rounder onto your team. There are exceptions of course (that's what we refer to as the Shaun Alexander Clause, of course), but for the most part, you want to invite elite talent into your already elite team.

However, this year there's an interesting case of a LOT of early rounders underperforming, which makes them somewhat available on the trade market. Lest you doubt me, let's look at the following: LaDainian Tomlinson, Matt Forte and Calvin Johnson.

The last one is because of injury, but the point remains: these high profile players are available because their owners are likely sick of their inconsistent performance. The question remains though, as we roll into the trading deadline: do you want them? (Oh, we'll also discuss some value playoff matchups as well, after the jump.)

Larry Johnson is a mere 80 yards away from passing Priest Holmes as the all-time leading rusher in KC history, but if the fans who put together an online petition have their way, he won't get there.

You see, it turns out that LJ's recent actions -- tweeting at coach Todd Haley, calling reporters homophobic names, being suspended by the team -- combined with his past transgressions -- police problems, being suspended by the team (again) -- have created a sort of pent-up anger within the fanbase.

Okay, I'm just gonna throw this out there: David Anderson is the most underrated guy in the NFL. And no, not from a "talent" or "football" perspective -- I'm talking about humor. You hear all the time about big-name athletes and how funny they are, but guys like Anderson just somehow slip under the radar.

Yet, look at his short but amazing resume thus far: a Conan O'Brien touchdown celebration dance, showing up to training camp with the same "haircut" as Matt Schaub, then producing an instructional video on how to do said Conan dance and finally running for President of the Texans (WTF). Turns out, he does a pretty good Ron Jaworski impression, as he sits down (or stands up if you prefer) with my peeps from JockLife.com (via Hot Clicks) to flash his three sentence analyzing ability.

Stephen Colbert announced -- in case you missed it or thought it was fake like his Republican-y shtick-- on Monday night that Colbert Nation would become the new primary sponsor of the US speedskating team for the Winter Olympics.

Colbert jumped in because, as is happening all over the country, the former main sponsor for the speedskating team, DSB Bank NV, a bank of sorts, had to back out of their sponsorship. (Oddly, banks aren't doing well right now in this fantastic financial time.)

But you know who apparently is doing well? Colbert Nation -- Stephen announced on Tuesday night's show that, despite Canadian hackers allegedly going after the donation link, on the first evening of sponsorship, his viewers had raised over $40,000 (!!) to back up the speedskating team. Moving picture happy funtime after the jump.

Neither the Daily Show nor the Colbert Report delve into the sports realm all that often. However, the current Philadelphia-New York rivalry has apparently stoked enough passion in Jersey-born Jon Stewart (he's right in the middle, yo!) for him to send correspondents Jason Jones and John Oliver out on the street to measure the rivalry.

But, per usual, they're not just looking at the fans -- they're deciding which fans are more awful (or "bigger douches" as the clip actually says like 150 times; should you be afraid that such a phrase will not be popular on your office speakers, consider yourself forewarned). And they have real, live clips, which are hysterical, of course. "Clash of the Cretins" video, courtesy of the CC Insider, after the jump.

Usain Bolt is, without question, the fastest man in the world. He owns the record for the 150-meter dash, the 100-meter (where his record is a ridiculous sub-10 seconds), the 200-meter, and, as MDS mentioned, he may as well go ahead and try to add the 400-meters and the long jump trophies to a case that includes 2008 Athlete of the Year.

In the meantime though, he's busy with a new, ahem, pet project: he just adopted a cheetah, which, as you may know, is the world's fastest animal. Seriously.

MDS pointed out on Twitter on Sunday that people bemoan the Raiders' state as a team too often, when there are far worse franchises out there. Case in point: the Cleveland Browns, who reportedly escorted GM George Kokinis off of the team premises and have now fired him.

Update: The Browns have issued a statement saying that Kokinis is no longer an "active member of the organization" but are denying the reports that Kokinis was escorted from the building. I stand behind my final two paragraphs below.

The Plain Dealer first reported that Kokinis was removed from the premises by Browns' human resources personnel, although it could not confirm that he had been fired. TheOBR.com, Scout's Browns site, reported later Monday evening that Kokinis was indeed axed (and Jay Glazer has cited sources that believe Kokinis was fired as well).

However, Pro Football Talk's Mike Florio received an e-mail from Browns' PR Director Neal Gulkis that said, "I have not heard anything."