FanHouse Baltimore

It's Official! Kris Benson signs with the Phillies! Good for him. Have you seen the Orioles motto for this season? "THIS IS BIRDLAND." That's a great way to get fans into the park. "We traded away our stars. COME SEE THE BIRD, THE ACTUAL ANIMAL THE BIRD"

With the migration of Anna Benson comes the next chapter in a Dugout story that began in the long long ago before the darkness came about how Anna would sleep with everyone on the team including the mascot if she ever caught her husband cheating. The only way this could get better for us is if she got traded to the Red Sox and got to deflower Wally the Green Monster. She would have to go into the police force and get choked by Dmitri Young to be more Dugout ready.

Anna Benson wears a jersey around her cleavage like we'd never expect and Kris Benson gets into a plane crash and misses the '08 season with a dilated brain in today's Dugout, after the jump.

Think your new 50-inch Sony plasma is pretty cool? Bitch, that thing looks like an iPod compared to what the Orioles are planning for Camden Yards. When the park opens up for the 2008 season, fans will have a 24-by-74 foot Mitsubishi widescreen to catch the replays on -- and it only set ownership back a mere 5.2 million bucks.

"We're pleased to offer fans a video experience that will be unsurpassed by any other ballpark in America," Maryland Stadium Authority chairman Frederick W. Puddester said.

The new video screen and scoreboards will operate on light-emitting diode (LED) technology, creating a much sharper picture than the old JumboTron, which operated much like a traditional television set. The screens will be capable of accepting a high-definition picture, though not all images on them will appear in high definition.

"It has long been our goal to improve this original technology, and we are pleased to be able to provide our fans with a state-of-the-art video system and LED boards that will both enhance the ballpark experience and preserve the traditional aesthetic that is a defining characteristic of Oriole Park," Orioles communication director Greg Bader said in a written statement. "We appreciate the Maryland Stadium Authority's efforts in working with us to accomplish this important goal."

No word yet on the long-term effects of viewing a 24-by-74 projection of Aubrey Huff on a regular basis. But we assume someone's looking into that.

The 1980s gave the Baltimore Orioles their last World Series victory... and also saw them drop one of the more mind-numbingly bad commercials on an unsuspecting public. We can't quite make out the faces to tell which -- if any -- actual members of the Os were involved in this "all singing, all dancing" tribute to the Egg McMuffin (although we think we see Eddie Murray in there). But that's probably just how they want it.

Yesterday, the Baltimore Orioles' most famous fan, "Wild Bill" Hagy, was remembered in a ceremony at the Sports Legends Museum at Camden Yards. Hagy, who passed in August at 68, was a local cabbie and rabid Os fan, whose Grizzy Adams vibe, penchant for alcohol and ability to get the hometown crowd fired up made him a cult sensation at Memorial Stadium in the late '70s.

In fact, Hagy was so beloved by the crowds, the Os invited him to move his show to the top of their dugout, where he led the cheers and famously heckled opposing players, such as Reggie Jackson.

"One year, Bill had had three or four too many and was really taunting Reggie Jackson," said Neil Barber, Hagy's friend and softball teammate. "After the game, we were hanging around, and one of the clubhouse guys said, 'Bill, Reggie wants to talk to you.' Reggie came out of the clubhouse in just his stirrups and socks. Reggie was glaring at him. And Bill, who is actually bigger than Reggie, just looked at him and said, 'I have nothing to say to you.' That was Bill. A real original."

But beyond the pure spectacle -- and, let's face it, there's something inherently cool about a hairy guy contorting his body to spell out O-R-I-O-L-E-S -- part of Hagy's charm was that he was the face of the "common" fan. And in this era of movie stars and politicians pulling face time in the good seats at baseball games coast-to-coast, we could use a few more Wild Bills. That was certainly the feeling at yesterday's ceremony, where only one small problem was noted:

"[Bill] wouldn't have approved, though, that we didn't have any beer here," said Skip Dorer, Hagy's friend of nearly 30 years. "He liked his Budweiser."

Here's some video of Hagy in action. Godspeed, Wild Bill.

One of the more intriguing subplots in the Orioles' clubhouse this year has been the increasingly bipolar Miguel Tejada, who talks like a guy who wants out of town one minute, and a guy running for mayor of Baltimore the next.

The most recent episode came last weekend, when Os manager Dave Trembley informed Tejada that he wanted to use Luis Hernandez at short in the series finale against the Angels. He also offered Tejada the chance to DH, an offer Multiple Miggs politely declined.

But later, in front of a crowd of reporters no less, Tejada switched gears, only to switch 'em again 24 hours later:

When asked before Thursday's game about Hernandez playing shortstop, Tejada said, "At least if they have somebody else, they can trade me somewhere else."

Tejada clarified those comments last night, saying: "I didn't say that I wanted to get traded. I just said that it was good to see the team bring in some new players. It might help the team, make us much better."

One need only look at his near-breakdown after the A's dropped the 2003 ALDS to the Red Sox to realize Tejada's a passionate guy, and that Baltimore's less-than-stellar performance this year is a source of frustration. But one of the questions O's management will surely be asking this offseason is whether or not to grant Miggy his much-requested escape.

HT: Camden Chat

We hear so much about pro athletes screwing up off the field that we tend to lose sight of the ones who are actually trying to leverage their celebrity to make the world just a little bit better.

Case in point: the Orioles' Brian Roberts, who last weekend hosted the second annual Brian's Baseball Bash at the ESPNZone at Baltimore's Inner Harbor. It's his annual fundraiser to benefit the University of Maryland Hospital for Children, and Roberts embraces the opportunity to greet fans, sign autographs, pose for photos and basically give the young fans in attendance the thrill of their lives -- the chance to hang with a professional ballplayer.

Maybe it's the fact that Roberts himself underwent intensive heart surgery when he was just five years old, but the guy's made a career out of giving back.

Roberts doesn't do this just to get on TV or for photo ops. In fact, he'll often show up at the hospital without fanfare and bearing gifts to talk quietly with the kids, something the hospital staff says is truly priceless to a child fighting a tough illness.

"I think Brian has definitely demonstrated something unique -- compassion for kids," said Dr. Steven Czinn, chairman of the department of pediatrics and the pediatrician in charge. "He comes to our hospital on a regular basis, unannounced, simply to meet the children, to spend time with the kids. The real value is that Brian makes the time and comes down, and when he spends time with the kids, being in the hospital is not such a terrible place."

In a season that's shaping up to be one of the O's more forgettable, it's the stuff like this that speaks volumes about the players who make up this team.

We know that Miguel Tejada can be an emotional fellow. After the Red Sox defeated Oakland in the 2003 ALDS, Tejada was so shaken up by what he considered "an obscene gesture" from Derek Lowe, the poor chap almost needed counseling.

But the man also knows boundless joy. After taking practice swings last night for the first time since landing on the DL with a wrist fracture back in June, Tejada was downright ecstatic, exclaiming, "I've never been happier in my life."

And now he's plotting his return to action.

"My target ... is when they say I'm ready to do everything, I'm going to take like three days of live [batting practice], then, I can play one game in the minor leagues and then I can play the second day against the Yankees," said Tejada, smiling broadly as he discussed his potential return. "But that's not like it has to happen. That's just what I think. But I know how I'm feeling. If they decide that I'm fine, I think by next weekend that I should be playing."

Don't cue "Walking on Sunshine" just yet, people. In the same article, Manager Dave Tremblay notes that while Tejada's enthusiam is impressive, an extended rehab assignment is likely in the cards. Stay tuned.

The Orioles probably weren't expecting a helluva lot when they claimed former Indians farmhand Jeremy Guthrie off waivers. But the rookie has turned out to be one of the bright spots on a woeful Baltimore team, sporting a crisp 2.63 ERA, the best in the AL East, and a MLB-leading 0.89 WHIP.

A stroke of good luck for the Orioles, perhaps. But Guthrie thinks otherwise. The rookie phenom claims he became a better pitcher after a two-year Mormon mission through the northern part of Spain.

"Things I never did prior to the mission I was able to do afterward, even though it wasn't by my doing," Guthrie said. "It wasn't something I expected or asked for. I didn't want to be a missionary for two years so I could be a better baseball player. In high school, I worked 10 hours a day and lifted weights, and I wasn't able to come close to achieving what I could when I got back."

Though he's convinced his faith got him to the bigs, the chess-loving Guthrie -- he reportedly bested all his former Indians teammates at the game -- won't get too preachy in the clubhouse. But he's happy to answer teammates' questions.

A few days ago, [Os catcher Paul] Bako was curious about the Church of Latter-Day Saints. Guthrie is careful to talk about it. He said there's a fine line between educating and proselytizing. Yet his faith, Guthrie said, landed him here. And what better way to honor it than spreading his story by convincing more and more people that he's not just here, but here to stay.

The Orioles may need more than divine intervention to climb back into the AL East race. But with Guthrie, they've got one of the best feel-good stories in baseball.

Via Camden Chat.

They're in last place, their manager's been axed, and Kevin Millar is starting to sound like the voice of reason. But there is some good news for the Baltimore Orioles: The team's mascot, the Oriole Bird, has been nominated for the Mascot Hall of Fame, as announced in this video tribute to the Bird's legacy.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell the Mascot Hall of Fame is, either. But surely it's something that Orioles fans can get behind. And although this clip does provide almost 5 minutes of unbeatable guy-in-a-bird-suit action, you can save yourself some time by checking out the two highlights:

-- The opening montage of the Oriole Bird's various incarnations through the years, including a menacing "gangsta" version that shows up about 15 seconds in.

-- A visit by the Bird to what I'm guessing is the set of Romper Room; an all-too-short snippet of surrealness that kicks in at around 38 seconds in.

Everyone outside of Houston has gotten a chuckle out of Brad Lidge's demise over the past few years, but what of the poor fantasy owners? Many may have had to choose between Lidge, Jason "Thank God Blown Saves Don't Count In My League" Isringhausen, and Eric Gagne, who's making a very solid bid at having some sort of surgery named after him this season. Bad news for those who chose Lidge (tisk tisk) as his inability to get through an already forfeited 9th inning last night was the final straw, forcing the Astros to make Dan Wheeler their new closer.

Brad's downward spiral into the 6th/7th inning came as no surprise, but he may have some unexpected company at the bar where I assume all failed closers go to sulk and exchange crappy excuses.

We all saw A-Rod's first ever clutch performance Saturday, but it was a lot uglier than the final clip showed. With two outs in the bottom of the 9th Chris Ray gave up a single to Robinson Cano, walked Derek Jeter, and hit Bobby Abreu with a pitch. He tried to elevate a fastball against A-Rod and it ended up being a lot more elevated than he had originally hoped. Such a terrible performance by a guy who recorded 33 saves last year led me to investigate his numbers a little further.