FanHouse Bill Belichick

It was two years ago that then-Jets head coach Eric Mangini ratted out the Patriots for what would become Spygate. The NFL slapped Bill Belichick with a $500,000 fine, took away one of their first-round picks, and kindly asked us to move on.

Eventually we did, but not before accusing the Patriots of cheating their way to three Super Bowl titles this decade before karma intervened by way of David Tyree.

New England became an afterthought when Tom Brady went down 15 minutes into the 2008 season, football gods and Pats-hating fans finally mollified. But it was only a matter of time before the Dark Lord found new ways to gain an advantage over opponents. And now, after some time off to regroup, Belichick is back, this time with psychological warfare. Or as the liberals would call it: subtle forms of torture.

Read on in mock incredulity:

The nerds in the nerdery proved that, statistically, Bill Belichick was right to go for it on 4th and 2 against the Colts last week.

Pretty sure there isn't an egghead on the planet who'd support first-year Yale head coach Tom Williams' decision to call a fake punt from his own 25 on 4th and 22 with just over two minutes to go and leading Harvard 10-7. But he did. It didn't work. And a few plays later Harvard scored to make it 14-10. Game over.

Williams explained the decision after the game:

You see innovations like the West Coast offense or the zone blitz, and you're immediately amazed at the genius. That's what separate guys like Bill Walsh and Dick LeBeau from, say, Mike Tice and Eric Mangini.

And then there are plays that define a philosophy. For the Joe Gibbs Redskins it was the counter trey. For the Bill Belichick Patriots it's (at least for me) the variations of the screen pass. And for the Bethel University Royals it's the fake toss reverse alley-oop at the goal line. Or, as it's officially known in the playbook: Ace Rt Zoom 48 Granny QB.

Ridiculousness after the jump.

Could we all please stop telling Rex Ryan how to live his life? I mean, I think we should stop telling everybody how to live their lives, but we can start with Rex. Poor guy has coached nine games in the NFL and has already been called everything from a breath of fresh air to a blowhard to a crybaby. Yeah, in case you haven't heard the last thing on the Jets' head coach is that he cried during a team meeting Monday morning. The New York Post broke the story, and it became a big deal in New York. Ryan, to his credit, brought of box of tissues to his Wednesday news conference, joked that he'd just scored a sponsorship deal with Kleenex and said, "I'm man enough to be me."

"I'll be true to myself," Ryan said. "I'm always going to be, and I said that from day one. If I don't fit the stereotype of coach-speak or anything else, so be it. I'm always going to be myself."

Can I say I hope Ryan is reading this when I type, "Thank goodness?"

FOXBOROUGH, MA -- Bill Belichick's now-infamous decision to go for a fourth-and-two against the Colts received scrutiny in the hours and days following -- ranging from people who think statistics matter defending the play to old people who don't understand math explaining the Patriots coach's failure as a "lack of clutchness." Belichick finally addressed the issue himself Monday afternoon.

The conventional view is that Peyton Manning is an extraordinarily precise passer whose single-minded dedication to the NFL may make him one of the most game-altering quarterbacks to ever play the game. Those of us who have watched him carefully over the years know the truth, however. Peyton Manning is a witch.*

I use to think that The Peyton was evil and had a pact with the devil. Colts fans took exception to that because they said Manning is a really swell guy who does good deeds and likes Oreos. Okay then, can we just agree that he is a witch, and then just agree to disagree on his evil status, and whether he should be burned at the stake?

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (AP) -- Bill Belichick defended his decision to go for it on fourth down as criticism mounted Monday of the call that led to the New England Patriots stunning loss. The coach hailed as one of the NFL's best was a target of columnists, talk radio callers and two of his former players. Why, they all wondered, did he gamble with a six-point lead and just over two minutes to go against the Indianapolis Colts?

The gamble failed and the Patriots lost 35-34 after leading by 17 points in the fourth quarter Sunday night.

"The same thing I said after the game," Belichick said at his regular Monday news conference. "I thought it was our best chance to win. I thought we needed to make that one play and then we could basically run out the clock. We weren't able to make it."

According to Internet polls, phone surveys, insulted ex-players and media analysts, Bill Belichick just sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees.

His decision to go for it on fourth down against the Colts was the dumbest move in Boston, if not world history.

"Belichick Gaffe Unrivaled" declared the Boston Globe.

Call me stupid, but I'd still rank it below the Red Sox selling Ruth to the Yankees for $125,000. And with all due respect to those who think Belichick should be involuntarily committed, I wouldn't even call what he Sunday night did a gaffe.

It was the right move for the simplest of reasons.

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The laws of probability support Bill Belichick's late-game decision to go for it on fourth down (and, for what it's worth, so do I), but I imagine that's little consolation to Patriots fans today. Upshot: it's more than enough material for the curmudgeons who make their living penning misguided "get off my lawn!" diatribes about, well, anything.

But the last two minutes of the game obscured the biggest story of the day coming out of Lucas Oil Stadium: health code violations in the kitchen. That's right, mouse droppings AND dead mice were found in the food preparation areas. In all, officials said inspections at the stadium led to 42 citations and nearly $4,000 in fines. And the revelation obviously has some fans concerned.

What Bill Belichick did Sunday night has happened before. It justifiably earned Barry Switzer the nickname "Bozo The Coach'' for failing TWICE on fourth down in the late stages of a tie game. And the Eagles' Andy Reid did the opposite of the New England coach on Sunday, eschewing fourth-and-short twice to kick field goals in what turned out to be an eight-point loss.

Switzer's mistake didn't prevent Dallas from winning its third Super Bowl in four seasons in the early '90s, but it left Switzer at the top of the oft-debated list of worst coaches to win a title.

On Nov. 15, 1995, the Cowboys were playing in Philadelphia and faced a fourth down and 1 on their own 29 with the game tied 17-17 and just over two minutes left. Switzer decided to go for it and sent Emmitt Smith left over the massive Nate Newton.

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