FanHouse Bobby Petrino

The SEC coaches meetings rolled into Destin, Fla., this week, and Lane Kiffin washed ashore.

You know Kiffin, the man who brought a Molotov cocktail to the SEC tea party, the guy who coaches like tickets have to be sold for the latest WWE event. You halfway expect for him to enter press conferences wearing orange tights, grab the mike, scream invectives at his rivals, then spike the microphone, kiss his biceps, and leave without taking questions. Kiffin coaches college football like Vince McMahon helms the WWE, it's all about creating a buzz.

Favored to become the starting quarterback next year at Arkansas, Ryan Mallett has hit a bit of a snag thanks to a public intoxication arrest deep deep deep into the early morning Sunday. He was arrested on Dickson Street in Fayetteville and booked at 3:47 AM.

Mallett is sort of a big deal because he's six foot six and bulletproof or something like that. He was a highly coveted recruit out of Texas who signed with and played for Michigan as a true freshman before transferring when Rich Rodriguez brought the spread circus to town. Arkansas, and specifically Bobby Petrino's explosive dropback system is a much better fit for Mallett. That is, if he can get his act together.

The Falcons are trying to trade Michael Vick. Can't say I blame them. The club probably isn't expecting any legit offers -- and, in all likelihood, they'll end up releasing him -- but it doesn't hurt to ask. Vick, the 2001 first-overall pick, is currently in federal prison on a multiple puppy murder conviction, but could be a free man in time for the 2009 season.

But like the other 30 teams, not even the Lions are interested in Vick's services. And this is the same outfit that won exactly zero times last season. Part of the reason, certainly, is because Vick doesn't solve the team's current quarterback situation.

The now 0-15 Lions have many believing that a winless season is not only possible, but probable. This is 0for08, FanHouse's eye on the Detroit Lions and their quest for a winless season.

The Detroit Lions have been the laughingstock of the NFL this year and have nearly completed a winless season. Last year, the Miami Dolphins were the laughingstock who nearly went the entire season without a victory. If not for an overtime win over the Ravens, Miami would have been the league's first 0-16 team.

While the Lions are heading into Week 17 trying to avoid infamy, the Dolphins are looking for an AFC East title. A win over the New York Jets would put the Phins at 11-5 and make them division champs.

Miami did what the Lions are sure to do: flip the entire organization. Miami hired Bill Parcells to run the team, Tony Sparano to coach it and sprinkled in new coaches and players to execute their plan. Luck played a part as Miami, arguably, got the best end of the Brett Favre saga in the offseason. When the Jets dealt for Favre, they dumped now-Miami quarterback Chad Pennington.

On Thursday night, as he gave his post-game press conference, Marvin Lewis looked about as sad and dejected as I've seen him during his six-year stint as the Bengals' head coach. Cincinnati had just lost their ninth game of the season, and had sent one of their best players, Chad Javon Ocho Cinco home earlier in the day because the Pro Bowl wideout couldn't -- or, more likely, wouldn't -- stop sleeping during a team meeting.

Unless Lewis gets "Scott Linehan-ed" (fired midseason), or less likely, pulls a "Bobby Petrino" (quits with a month to go), he's still got to coach the Bengals up for five more weeks. It's a daunting task considering that virtually everybody in the building checked out for the year sometime around Halloween.

Yet Lewis trudges on.

Prop Bets for the College Football Junkie is a weekly post that cares not for your silly point spreads. If you have the money and the gumption, we'll lay down a weekly gauntlet of propositions that'll take you from the penthouse to the outhouse faster than you can guess the number of times Lee Corso will say "not so fast my friend." As always, this is for entertainment purposes only.

$ With the big news of the week being the firing of Tommy Bowden at Clemson, the crew at ESPN will be sure to debate the thought process at Clemson. Lou Holtz will most certainly defend Bowden and Mark May will defend the administration. So we give you a straight up bet that Holtz will forget the camera is still rolling again this week and have some less than flattering words for Clemson. What the heck, +/-5 on the number of times he says "damn."

$ Jim Harbaugh and Rick Neuheisel are both known for taking jabs at opposing teams and coaches in the week leading up to the game. As both have been quiet this week, we're sure they are saving everything for the post game handshake when Stanford plays at UCLA. The conversation will most certainly revolve around the post-game speech Neuheisel gave after the Tennessee game. Straight up, one of two thing will be said depending on the outcome of the game. Neuheisel-"Jim, I'd love to stand here and talk, but I've got a speech to give. Better luck next year, loser." Or, Harbaugh-"Doesn't look like anyone stuck around for your speech tonight. You guys got any games left on the schedule you think you can win?"

$ When Mississippi State travels to Tennessee, we'll be seeing the 103rd and 104th worst offenses in the country. So we'll put the over and under on the closeups of each team's offensive coordinator at +/-10. Because if someone is going to go, these guys are going to get the boot first.

Really, it's Christmas in early October when your opponent cans its offensive coordinator midweek. Frustrated Arkansas took the news in stride, piling up 400+ yards in a 25-22 victory over Auburn tonight.

At one point midway through the fourth quarter, Auburn had cobbled together just 109 yards of offense before a pair of desperation drives pushed the Tigers to a whopping 193 yards on the night. Not good.

At College Football FanHouse we're still scratching our heads over Auburn's decision to terminate spread whiz offensive coordinator Tony Franklin. With or without him the results are the same, and look particularly problematic when they may not have actually run much of his offense while he was there. To Auburn's credit, they did make use of spread-friendly quarterback Kodi Burns.

Prop Bets for the College Football Junkie is a weekly post that cares not for your silly point spreads. If you have the money and the gumption, we'll lay down a weekly gauntlet of propositions that'll take you from the penthouse to the outhouse faster than you can guess the number of times Lee Corso will say "not so fast my friend." As always, this is for entertainment purposes only.

$ The Red River Shootout between Oklahoma and Texas is one of the biggest rivalry games in college football. You need to wear a cup when you go to this game or suffer the consequences. Given that, we put the over/under on battery arrests at 50. And just for fun, we give you a straight up bet on if anyone's scrotum gets nicked.

$ When Clemson travels to Wake Forest Thursday night, Tommy Bowden's job might just be on the line. Not that he would be fired Friday, but anything less than an appearance in the ACC championship game will be considered a disappointment. Naturally we give you a straight up bet that Tommy's mom, not Bobby, will call in to Dr. Lou to ask how she can save her son's job. Bonus straight bet that Dr. Lou will respond with some form of, "does he realize he has two of the best running backs in the country?"

$ Speaking of bad blood, LSU at Florida probably won't be a game where the word sportsmanship is uttered by the announcers except if preceeded by the word "bad." Last year, Tim Tebow pretended to dial on his cell phone after he scored a touchdown, mocking the LSU students that got ahold of his cell number. With LSU linemen trying to take out a Heisman winner, we put the over/under on how many times Tebow does the Heisman pose at five.

Prop Bets for the College Football Junkie is a weekly post that cares not for your silly point spreads. If you have the money and the gumption, we'll lay down a weekly gauntlet of propositions that'll take you from the penthouse to the outhouse faster than you can guess the number of times Lee Corso will say "not so fast my friend." As always, this is for entertainment purposes only.

-When Penn State travels to Purdue, the combined age of the coaches will involve a lot of zeros and one of those to the power of 10 thingies. This poses a serious problem for the sideline reporter, because older people can't hear so good. Given that, we put the number of times the two coaches will say, "huh?" at +/-10 during their halftime interviews. Also, we'll give a straight up bet on if either says, "you know, women didn't dress like that in my day."

-Auburn visits Vanderbilt this weekend, and the College GameDay crew will be there. Vanderbilt is considered the "smart" school in the SEC. So, we'll put the over/under on the number of signs with a series of ones and zeros followed by "LOLZ!!!" at 10.

-Speaking of smart schools, Duke faces Georgia Tech this weekend. Pocket protectors will be out in force! Georgia Tech is averaging about 46,000 fans at home games, so naturally we put the number of pocket protectors at +/-45,999. Hey, some engineers still do it with a slide ruler.

We're nearing the end of Day 1: Life After Millen, and by most accounts, it's been a joyous occasion. Now begins the arduous process of rebuilding the Lions, no easy task given what hell Matt Millen hath wrought on this franchise in just eight years.

During tonight's NFL Total Access, Rich Eisen got current NFL Network analyst and former Lions head coach Steve Mariucci on the horn to talk about what it meant to work for the worst general manager in the history of sports. (Click Millen's handsome mug for the moving pictures.)

Some highlights after the jump.