FanHouse Brandon Lang

Brandon Lang, whose life as a professional sports handicapper was depicted in the 2005 movie Two For The Money, offers picks that he says can turn a profit over the long-term for his clients. His full picks are available exclusively at his web site, www.BrandonLangExperts.com, and he's also offered us three picks for free here at FanHouse.

Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines is Will Brinson's weekly NFL gambling column at FanHouse. Because everyone loves a loser.

You know the drill by now, right? I make jokes about my current season's record (26-34 UGH) and then I make the picks. The good news is that my Tungsten locks (as denoted by **Team name**) are 6-2 on the season. Making me like a real life Brandon Lang or something.

Indianapolis Colts (-3) @ Houston Texans
This is exactly the type of game where I would, in the normal course of stupidity, always take the Colts. How-EVA, it seems like a trap. The Texans can't be this bad, right? And the Colts are without Bob Sanders. I expect lots of points, a Steve Slaton blowup and Andre Johnson to correct his miserable 2008 by scoring four touchdowns. Of course, I also expect to leave work at 4 p.m. today. And somehow, I don't think that's happening.

Texans +3

Tennessee Titans (-3) @ Baltimore Ravens
I get that people think this team is really good (some people, like Bill Simmons, are talking Super Bowl), and they are. But I have a few rules in life (very few, in fact) and one of them is that when you get Kerry Collins going against a rejuvenated Ray Lewis on the road and handing out three points, you take those points. No, this rule does not come into play frequently, thank you for asking. Also: the under, please.

Ravens +3

Brandon Lang, whose life as a professional sports handicapper was depicted in the 2005 movie Two For The Money, offers picks that he says can turn a profit over the long-term for his clients. His full picks are available exclusively at his web site, www.BrandonLangExperts.com, and he's also offered us three picks for free here at FanHouse.

Brandon Lang, whose life as a professional sports handicapper was depicted in the 2005 movie Two For The Money, offers picks that he says can turn a profit over the long-term for his clients. His full picks are available exclusively at his web site, www.BrandonLangExperts.com, and he's also offered us three picks for free here at FanHouse.

Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines is Will Brinson's weekly NFL gambling column at FanHouse. Because everyone loves a loser.

I don't expect to be perfect every week. In fact, I rarely expect to be good. But Ed Hochuli ... you are killing me, sir. Anyway. We've chatted enough about that little debacle enough already, haven't we?

Besides, it's more fun to talk about things that are positive in nature ... like me being 3-0 this week on the STONE COLD TUNGSTEN PIPERS (shown with asterisks). That's right, Brandon Lang (*cough*0-3*cough*), bring it.

Overall, however, not as well, only going 8-7. But hey, we're slowly climbing back up the ladder of mediocrity, checking in with a season record of: 14-17. Woo.

Kansas City Chiefs @ Atlanta Falcons (-6)
I feel like the "Loser Bowl" starts us off every week, for whatever reason. Might wanna work on that, BoDog. The beauty of this FAIL-fest, is that the freaking Falcons are going to be 2-1 once it's all said and done. Additionally, we should be just about finished writing up the eulogy for Larry Johnson's fantasy career by the time the 4:15 games kick off.

Falcons -7

Brandon Lang, whose life as a professional sports handicapper was depicted in the 2005 movie Two For The Money, offers picks that he says can turn a profit over the long-term for his clients. His full picks are available exclusively at his web site, www.BrandonLangExperts.com, and he's also offered us three picks for free here at FanHouse.

Brandon Lang, whose life as a professional sports handicapper was depicted in the 2005 movie Two For The Money, offers picks that he says can turn a profit over the long-term for his clients. His full picks are available exclusively at his web site, www.BrandonLang.com, but he's offered a few picks to us for free here at FanHouse.

Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines is Will Brinson's NFL gambling column at FanHouse. Because everyone loves a loser.

Oh. Hello there. Do you like to gamble wager on sports make plays gamble? Excellent. You're in the right place. Each week here at 'RCAP' I will be walking you, hand in hand, to the promised land of guaranteed winnings, should you choose to follow my advice. You will be 100 percent guaranteed to win at least 90 percent of your picks, almost 11 percent of the time.

And yes! There will be an occasional Anchorman joke or two. No, seriously though, I guarantee nothing. Instead, what I'll do is probably talk about something in this space, show you the lines, sprinkle some snarky commentary amid quasi-analysis and then make a selection.

Why should you keep coming back? Because, I, a career loser of at least two commas in sports wagering, am either going to thrash Brandon Lang's picks -- I believe he will also be shown on FanHouse each week -- and end up with an insanely high winning percentage, or I will go down in flames faster than David Carr in the face of a two-backer blitz prevent defense.

Onto the winners.