FanHouse CarlosTevez

There are times when the marketing aces at the Barclay's Premier League home office must get a little tired of constantly telling anyone who will listen that the league is the greatest in the world. Surely partisans in Barcelona and Madrid would argue otherwise.

However smug these assertions might come off, the Premier League did get another amazing game to add to its resume and worldwide popularity in the form of Manchester United's last-minute 4-3 derby victory over Manchester City at Old Trafford. As far as a 90-minute soccer game goes, it's hard to ask for more than anything than this match because it had pretty much everything.

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Circle September 20 on your calendars. That's the day Manchester City comes to Old Trafford in the 2009-10 Premier League season and it'll be bringing a familiar face along -- Carlos Tevez.

Monday afternoon suddenly cash-flush City continued it's summer spending spree by inking the Argentina striker to a five-year deal, shortly after he couldn't agree to a permanent deal with the three-time defending Premier League champions.

File this one away under something that nobody, I mean nobody, saw coming. Michael Owen was at Manchester United's training ground for medical tests and could sign with the Premier League champions before Friday is over.

It's not too often that a transfer is actually shocking, but if this one goes down it's a Grade A stunner. After losing Cristiano Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez it's hard to fathom that Sir Alex Ferguson is chasing down a player who could barely stay on the field during his star-crossed tenure at Newcastle United. In fact, I read somewhere that Ronaldo and Tevez scored more goals the last two seasons than Owen made appearances.

Put the champagne on ice, because Manchester United could have the 2008-09 Premier League crown wrapped up before most Americans are awake Saturday morning.

The Red Devils put themselves on the doorstep of their third straight Premier League crown after beating Wigan Athletic 2-1 Wednesday, finally making up the 'game in hand' the club has held seemingly for months. Manchester United now lead second place Liverpool by six points with two games remaining. All Manchester United needs is one point from its two remaining games -- the first coming in the early Saturday morning fixture against rival Arsenal at Old Trafford.

We're never really going to know who owned the player rights to Carlos Tevez when he arrived at West Ham United in 2006. The East London club insisted he was a fully registered player, while stories persisted that Media Sports Investments and their sleazebucket owner, Kia Joorabchian, still owned his economic rights, which would have been a violation of Premier League rules.

That's not the case anymore. The Guardian is reporting that Manchester United paid £32 million to make Tevez's loan from West Ham permanent, officially sweeping one of the most sordid stories in Premier League history under the rug.

That transfer fee is a record for an English club, eclipsing the £30M that Chelsea wasted on Andriy Shevchenko. Perhaps that cash was better spent on Tevez, who's only 24 and who scored 19 goals in 39 games last season. Some have suggested there are better potential strike partners for Wayne Rooney -- and Sir Alex Ferguson reportedly has a list -- but Rooney and Tevez played well together last season and could remain the Red Devils' first options up front for years to come.

Perhaps the only question now is whether the record fee for Tevez might hasten the sale of everyone's favorite brown-and-serve winger, Cristiano Ronaldo. Real Madrid, however, has reportedly given up on CR7 and is only thinking about Cesc. (UPDATE: Cesc isn't thinking about Madrid.)

As if Nemanja Vidic's verbal poke at Didier Drogba wasn't enough, Manchester United forward Carlos Tevez has stepped forward to plunk down his two cents on why Chelsea can't possibly win.

"We are a better side than Chelsea. That is a psychological problem for them. They may say the Premier League is another matter but we are convinced that winning it will have an impact in what happens in the final. We are favorites and everyone knows it, and we are not worried by Chelsea. We are confident and focused but, for them, it is more difficult. This is more than a final for them - their whole season rests on the outcome of this game and I am convinced they have some problems in that team."

Ah, Carlito. Where would we possibly be without your hot-blooded Argentinian tongue spitting out such pseudo-intellectual blather? No wonder the ladies love you so.

Perhaps Señor Tevez would do well to consider past history. Just a year ago, after Man United took the league title, Chelsea turned around and toppled them in the FA Cup Final. Oh, and didn't the Blues beat the Red Devils in a league match just a few weeks ago?

Okay, let me see if I've got this straight.

Carlos Tevez will join Manchester United today on what's officially being called a two-year loan from West Ham United. Man U pays West Ham a £2 million loan fee with the option of buying him permanently for a further £20 million in two years.

In addition, Kia Joorabchian, the player agent who claimed his companies owned the economic rights to Tevez, will receive a £10 million fee as part of the move, and he will drop any litigation he had against West Ham regarding Tevez.

And after reading the details of this deal, I feel like I need a shower. This whole deal is more crooked than Tim Donaghy, and Joorabchian basically makes Drew Rosenhaus look like a boy scout. The Football Association is probably praying that the Iranian agent never darkens their doors again.

The only thing left to wonder is whether Sheffield United will try to launch another legal challenge to the legitimacy of Tevez playing for West Ham last season. Some people are screaming for West Ham to get a belated points deduction, but honestly, I don't see it happening. The FA wants to put this whole deal to bed as quickly as possible and get back to the games -- the season-opening Community Shield match between Man U and Chelsea will be played this Sunday -- and not even a drunken Boromir could stop that now.

The Carlos Tevez tug-of-war continues apace, and FIFA has decided it wants no part of it.

FIFA has recommended that the Carlos Tevez dispute should go to the Court of Arbitration for Sport.

The Argentine striker wants to join Manchester United, but West Ham (United) and businessman Kia Joorabchian both claim to own the player. The Football Association and the Premier League asked FIFA to rule on the matter.

But a FIFA statement read: "FIFA has recommended that West Ham and Carlos Tevez seek arbitration at CAS."

Manchester United is expected to pay a transfer fee of £30 million or so for Tevez, but West Ham and Joorabchian are they're fighting over who gets the fee, as both claim they own Tevez' economic rights. Tevez was at the center of a huge Premier League controversy over improper transfers to West Ham, who only survived relegation because they were fined £5.5 million rather than docked points in the standings for their apparent misdeeds.

Meanwhile, Sheffield United fans are sitting at home thinking, "They're fighting over 30 million quid, and we have to open the season against bloody Colchester. Thanks a lot, Premier League."

Previously at FanHouse:
ManU-Bound Tevez Booted From London Flat
Arbitration Panel Dismisses Sheffield United Appeal

Have you ever had that moment, guys, where you're standing on the sidewalk, looking up at what had been your apartment yesterday, and watching as your psycho ex-girlfriend throws all your clothes and stuff off the balcony?

Carlos Tevez knows exactly how you feel. In his case, though, the jilted lover is West Ham United, who spectacularly evicted Tevez from his penthouse in London yesterday. Now he's got to replace all those broken jewel cases for his CDs. Should've ripped 'em all to MP3 when you had the chance, Carlito.

Of course, this eviction comes amid rumos that Tevez, who was the central figure in the Premier League's biggest scandal last season, is about to transfer from West Ham to Manchester United. The transfer is in turmoil, though, as the league attempts to determine who should get the bulk of the transfer fee -- West Ham, who claims that Tevez is a registered player for their club, or Kia Joorabchian, who owns the Argentine striker's economic rights.

I say the transfer fee should go to Sheffield United. It's only fair, really.