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As If Our Country Could Be Less Hopeful, Maria Sharapova Is Off the Market

You know, for Internet geeks and men with eyeballs all around the world, Maria Sharapova is sports' Marilyn Monroe. Tall, blond, beautiful, successful, athletic and -- just for added excitement -- the daughter of a dad who's 53 cards short of a full deck.

Well, get prepared to bash your unrealistic imagination, because Sharapova now has a boyfriend. The object of my undying jealousy lucky guy is none other than 25-year-old Charlie Ebersol who -- what do you know! -- is the son of NBC Sports Chairman and President Dick Ebersol.

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