FanHouse Chris Crocker

CINCINNATI -- Now you can add frequently bad actor Larry Johnson to a Cincinnati Bengals locker room already noted for drama.

Yeah, this makes sense.

It actually does, but only to a point.

Starting running back Cedric Benson has an aching hip flexor, and since nobody worth mentioning wanted to sign Johnson, he came this week as a cheap insurance policy for the Bengals. It's just that you have this little thing in sports called "chemistry," and Benson didn't exactly suggest after practice on Wednesday that he would celebrate Johnson's arrival by baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

While the rest of the NFL is taking part in a free agent spree, the Chicago Bears have been incredibly quiet. I'm not necessarily talking about signing guys, because sometimes that stuff is out of your control. I'm talking about the Bears not being mentioned in any rumors for any free agent or possible trade target.

It's not as though the team doesn't have needs, as I outlined five in the offseason roadmap. I unintentionally omitted another need, which was astutely pointed out by the first commenter -- that they need an able-bodied backup to Matt Forte in the backfield as well. So that makes six pretty important needs.

Because the NFL season never ends, we present our 2009 Offseason Roadmaps for front offices to navigate through the summer.

It could be argued that the Cincinnati Bengals did well to win four games in 2008. They were missing their star quarterback, Carson Palmer, for the majority of the season. That left the job to an overmatched Ryan Fitzpatrick, who did his best, but was saddled with a bad running game, worse offensive line and not much defense. The Bengals found a way to win three straight at the end of the season, finishing 4-11-1.

There are many areas for improvement as the Bengals make their way toward 2009 trying like crazy to avoid doing 2008 over again. Luckily, kicker is not one of those areas of need.

Save the first 12 minutes of the game, the Cincinnati-Pittsburgh Thursday night affair went pretty much as you might expect: the undermanned Bengals couldn't keep up with the division-leading Steelers and after 60 minutes of football, they were 1-9-1 (thanks, Philly!).

In Week 7, last time these two teams met, Pittsburgh wide receiver Hines Ward knocked linebacker Keith Rivers out for the year. There were the inevitable conversations about payback and revenge, but ultimately, Ward emerged from the Week 12 tilt unscathed. Santonio Holmes, however, did not.

Early in the third quarter, Ben Roethlisberger, facing a Cincinnati blitz, hit Holmes on a slant pattern. It was a well-executed pass-and-catch except that Bengals safety Chris Crocker read the play perfectly. Amazingly, Holmes' head didn't come detached from his body. Not so amazingly, Holmes staggered off the field and didn't return.

After the game, everybody in Pittsburgh's locker room agreed: Crocker's hit was a clean one, and since this is still (although barely) tackle football, players should be allowed to, you know, tackle other players.

I would love to meet these "Dolphins officials" to ask if they were drunk or high when they made these comments. Via the Miami Herald's Barry Jackson, anonymous source maestro:

Some Dolphins officials believe their safeties are better than Dallas'. Among the best battles in camp: Jason Allen (first-team snaps in May/June), Renaldo Hill (expects to be 100 percent after surgery to an anterior cruciate ligament) and former Falcons starter Chris Crocker vying to start opposite Yeremiah Bell. ''Jason has a lot of speed and I like what I see, as much as you can like in shorts and a T-shirt,'' secondary coach Todd Bowles said.

Also worth finding out: are these "officials" part of the coaching staff/scouting department, or do they work in the ticket office/accounting/anywhere but coaching staff or scouting department? I'm going with the latter.

In any event, assuming somebody actually believes this to be true, I suspect it all comes down to the Cowboys' Roy Williams. The guy has been crucified this offseason for, well, not being very good. Still, Ken Hamlin had an impressive season (so much so that Dallas wants to keep him around for a while), Pat Watkins continues to develop, and Anthony Henry could eventually move to safety, which would only upgrade the unit.

No, not the Chris Crocker who made the tearful, profane "Leave Britney Alone!" video:

But the Miami Dolphins have signed free agent safety Chris Crocker, formerly of the Atlanta Falcons, to bolster their secondary.

According to Adam Schefter of NFL Network (via PFT), it's a one-year, $1.15 million deal, with a $300,000 signing bonus. Crocker started 14 games for the Falcons in 2007. Before signing with the Falcons in 2006 he spent three years with the Cleveland Browns, who made him a third-round draft choice out of Marshall in 2003.

In Miami Crocker will compete with, among others, Renaldo Hill, Cameron Worrell, Keith Davis, Jason Allen and Yeremiah Bell for playing time.

Leave Rick Ankiel alone!

LEAVE HIM ALOWWNNNN

But seriously, I don't think Rick Ankiel is a bad guy. The argument of "HGH wasn't illegal when _____ was using it" is a flawed one, because "steroids" in so many words have been illegal for decades. If it looks like a steroid and walks like a steroid, you know? If somebody comes up to you and says "this pill/powder makes you bigger and better at sports" you should probably not take it unless you are okay with doing steroids.

That being said, that guy sure did mess up a great story, didn't he? TALES FROM THE INTERNET, after the jump.