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After saying that he and Carson Palmer "were like Brokeback Mountain," it only made sense that Chad Ochocinco would move in with the Bengals quarterback this summer. That was the plan (according to Mr. Ochocinco), anyway.

Palmer's wife -- and I'd assume Palmer, too -- had other ideas. The family just had twins, and even if they hadn't, I'm not sure they would be interested in introducing crazy into their home. Via the Dayton Daily News' Chick Ludwig:

First the huge news that HBO's "Hard Knocks" will be documenting the travails of the Cincinnati Bengals this summer, and now this: Chad Javon Ocho Cinco will be allowed to wear his NFL Network-given name on the back of his jersey. Finally.

Last September, Chad Johnson, who sports No. 85 for his day job, legally changed his name to "Ochocinco." Never mind that "Ocho Cinco" translated from Spanish means "Eight Five," or that Johnson wrote it as one word -- "Ochocinco" -- which translates to, well, "Ochocinco." What's important is that, according to the final judgment awarding him the name change, Johnson had no "ulterior purpose" for going with "Ochocinco."

There used to be a point, probably during the 2007 offseason, when I might've been surprised had the Bengals acquired another player with a criminal record. By that time, 10 Bengals had been arrested in the previous 14 months, and owner Mike Brown pledged to stock the team with solid citizens.

That didn't last long. The club released Chris Henry prior to the 2008 NFL draft only to re-sign him four months later (against head coach Marvin Lewis' better judgment, it should be noted). And today, their latest acquisition only seems fitting: Tank Johnson, ex-Cook County Jail resident and former Cowboys castoff is now a member of the Bengals. Of course he is.

On Monday, the Seahawks signed T.J. Houshmandzadeh to a five-year, $40 million deal. Great news for Seattle -- Matt Hasselbeck will finally have a legit pass-catching threat (a seldom-healthy Deion Branch doesn't count) -- but the Bengals were suddenly down to Chad Ocho Cinco in the reliable wide receiver department. (Yikes.)

Apparently, the thought of starting the season with Chris Henry, Jerome Simpson and Andre Caldwell was enough to motivate historically cheap Bengals owner Mike Brown into action, presumably at the behest of head coach Marvin Lewis. Whatever the impetus, Cincy has a new-old Houshmandzadeh: Laveranues Coles. Via NFL.com's Adam Schefter, Coles signed a four-year, $28 million contract.

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It was a difficult weekend for the Denver Broncos. Their starting quarterback, Jay Cutler, is reportedly furious the team tried to trade him on Saturday. As if that wasn't enough, word came out late Sunday night that wide receiver Brandon Marshall was arrested in Atlanta on a disorderly conduct charge, as reported by ESPN.com.

This is the fourth arrest for Marshall since 2006, which I believe ties him for the league lead with Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry.

Because the NFL season never ends, we present our 2009 Offseason Roadmaps for front offices to navigate through the summer.

It could be argued that the Cincinnati Bengals did well to win four games in 2008. They were missing their star quarterback, Carson Palmer, for the majority of the season. That left the job to an overmatched Ryan Fitzpatrick, who did his best, but was saddled with a bad running game, worse offensive line and not much defense. The Bengals found a way to win three straight at the end of the season, finishing 4-11-1.

There are many areas for improvement as the Bengals make their way toward 2009 trying like crazy to avoid doing 2008 over again. Luckily, kicker is not one of those areas of need.

During his three tumultuous years in Chicago, Cedric Benson was labeled a malcontent, an underachiever, and a first-round bust. And that was before he was arrested for boating while intoxicated last summer.

The Bears released him shortly after the incident and Benson spent the first month of the NFL season on his couch waiting for the phone to ring. That's how long it took the Bengals to come to the realization that Chris Perry couldn't handle the starting gig.

In five games, Benson has managed just 3.7 yards per carry, but the bulk of his 241 yards came yesterday against the Jaguars. He racked up 104 yards on 24 carries, including his first touchdown of the season.

And while it's still not clear if he's the long-term answer for Cincinnati, Benson seems to have learned something from his experience in Chicago:

As we all eagerly await Ryan Fitzpatrick's encore performance, Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer will continue to rehab his sore throwing elbow.

But here's the thing: what if Cincinnati continues to play like a bunch of armless drunks, what should they do with Palmer? FOXSports.com's John Czarnecki pipes up:

The big news is that Carson Palmer and his tender throwing elbow is sitting this one out, and you have to wonder if the Bengals keep losing will they opt to sit Palmer permanently rather than risk further damage?

Um, it's only Week 6. Yeah, the Bengals are 0-5, but if Palmer's healthy, why wouldn't he play? Isn't shutting him down for the season with, say, eight weeks to go not the same as Palmer announcing he's quitting on his team? I mean, if Chad Javon Ocho Cinco decided to take the next four months to completely recover from his shoulder injury, he'd undoubtedly be labeled a selfish, loud mouth.

And that very well may be true, but he'd be no less a quitter than Palmer if that's what head coach Marvin Lewis decided to do with his franchise quarterback. Now, in terms of the postseason, it doesn't matter who's under center -- the Bengals aren't going anywhere come January -- but it's still important for Palmer to be on the field if he's able to go. For an organization full of distractions, Palmer is one of the few steadying influences.

And, frankly, Chris Henry needs a mentor.

In late August, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell informed "Adam" Pacman Jones that he would be reinstated, and here we are, six weeks and one bodyguard beatdown later wondering what took so long. Looks like Pearlman already has enough material for another book.

Meanwhile, owner Jerry Jones is FURIOUS because, well, I have no idea -- this news is slightly less surprising than learning that, five weeks into the season, BOTH the Lions and Rams are winless. (By the way, that fourth-rounder pick the Titans got for unloading Pacman on the Cowboys is starting to look like a steal.)

And now that Mr. Pacman has relapsed, columnists everywhere can update those "SEE, I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!" pieces they wrote shortly after the Cowboys acquired Jones in April. First up, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram's Randy Galloway.

The way it should be handled:

Jerry Jones steps up this morning, announces at Valley Ranch that he has ordered Pac-Rat to pack up, be gone immediately, never to return.

And if Jerry goes gutless and lets it ride?

Then Jerry is living a lie, because as the full escapades of Call-Me-Adam Jones began to surface Wednesday night ... it became obvious Pacman repeatedly has made a fool of the only man in the NFL who wanted to help him. That's you, Jerry.

I guess Chad Johnson is getting his wish.

The NFL has suspended Bengals linebacker Darryl Blackstock four games for violating the league's substance abuse policy on performance enchancing substances.

I've apologized to my coaches and teammates for an unfortunate mistake," Blackstock said. "I did not intentionally violate the policy, but I know it's my responsibility to use only approved nutritional supplements, and I didn't realize I was taking an over-the-counter product that included a banned substance. I also want to apologize to our fans, and I'll do everything I can to be ready to come back strong next month."

Now things can get back to normal. I mean, the team is 0-5 and fan approval is at its lowest point during the Marvin Lewis administration. So why not have a guy suspended by the league? I mean, we haven't seen that since ... well ... last week, when Chris Henry came off his own four-week time out.