FanHouse DanaEveland

As we head into the third week of the fantasy baseball season we have 34 starting pitchers throwing twice. When setting your lineups, remember that tomorrow is Patriot's Day in Boston, so first pitch is at 11:05 AM Eastern Time.

Must Start
Roy Halladay, Blue Jays - Tuesday vs TEX (B. McCarthy) and Sunday at CWS (J. Contreras)
Derek Lowe, Braves - Monday at WAS (J. Zimmermann)and Saturday at CIN (B. Arroyo)
C.C. Sabathia, Yankees - Tuesday vs OAK (B. Anderson) and Sunday at BOS (J. Beckett)
Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers - Tuesday at HOU (R. Ortiz) and Sunday at COL (J. Marquis)

MLB Power Rankings: Where we care what you've done for us lately when we break down the who's who and the what's what in the baseball world each week.

We're almost there. You can smell it in the air, can't you? That's right ... the NHL playoffs! Ha. I kid, of course. No one actually watches hockey (if it even exists). But people do get amped up for baseball, and the season is upon us. So, in that vein, we've got our final installment of preseason power rankings ready for your digestion. Play ball.

Fantasy baseball draft season is coming, so you best be prepared by delving through every major player on each team. Fantasy FanHouse is here to help with a quick once-over.

Meet the...
Most average team in the league. It's weird, because there don't seem to be many real weaknesses on team -- but can you really find a bunch of strengths? I hate the term "very average," but this team is pretty close to the mean across the board. As you scroll through ADP charts, you'll find the A's aren't often towards the top of the lists, but they are definitely there. As I said, average.

That's right, MLB Power Rankings. You do know that that means, right? It means we're only a few short weeks/months (depends on you how you want to look at it, you pessimistic jerk) from starting the 2009 baseball season. Spring is nearly here, everyone has a bounce in their step and there's not an illegal, injectable steroid in sight!

So without further ado, let's get down to business and rank every single Major League Baseball team right freaking now. Because baseball can't wait any longer to get going.

Jason Giambi will be back with the Oakland Athletics next season, and for whatever reason MLB.com decided to pay somebody to report that the A's pitching staff will benefit from his wealth of knowledge about... pitching? "Giambi is nice man, friendships will help the ballclub!" "A's have many shirts in XL to spare, Giambi arrives fully clothed with no additional orders necessary!"

Regardless, with the addition of Giambi to the lineup comes a refocus on the Athletics for The Dugout. We haven't really had anything to say about the A's other than "Frank Thomas is old/dying," so a nice New York sized helping of cost-rationalization and homophobic slurs are in order. The A's should hire David Wells and any other fat sack of crap they can locate and be the "ironic team."

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump, due in part to m'main man Justin O'Connor of Progressive Boink fame and his amazing tattoo designs.

The Oakland Athletics have had a rough season. People are questioning "Moneyball" and Billy Beane, and despite the falsehood of the claims, they still can't be enjoyable to hear. Especially when the team is performing poorly.

Things got a little worse on Wednesday night, as they lost to the Rangers in their opponents' home finale. Oh, and because a bunch of them had to wear drag. Of course it would appear that rookie Dana Eveland was reasonably casual about the not-so-sexy attire, chatting to reporters while changing into his travel outfit.

"I got into trouble with the home run. ... I gave up some hits on some pitches I thought were pretty good. You can't make a mistake against this team. They can swing the bats," said Eveland, donning a platinum blonde wig and female police officer's outfit.

Ah, the sometimes casual indifference of AP copy. But the rookies are, as you can see above, not a set of attractive women. That's not really surprising. And neither is the fact that they had to wear dresses, really.

Okay, it's a little odd, but it is pretty standard practice in MLB hazing to stick the rookies in drag. Of course, that doesn't make Brad Ziegler look (inside gallery, after the jump) any less like David Spade in a Pippy Longstocking outfit.

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups

San Francisco Giants (3-6) vs. St. Louis Cardinals (7-2) - 10:15PM Est.

Wait a minute. Aren't the Cardinals supposed to suck? How in the hell are they 7-2 and ahead of both the Brewers and Cubs in the NL Central? If the Redbirds win again tonight, they'll have started a season 8-2 for the first time since 1981, which was before their starter tonight was even alive. Adam Wainwright was great in his first start of the season, going 8 innings and allowing only 2 runs against the Nationals, and he's one of the reasons why St. Louis is off to such a hot start. After their first 9 games, the Cardinals starting rotation has an ERA of 1.99. (So it's either the pitching or Tony LaRussa getting drunk and calling Albert Pujols fat, bald, and ugly before each game that's responsible for this start.) Wainwright has never started against, but he's 1-0 with a 4.91 ERA against them in two appearances out of the bullpen. On the other side of the diamond we have the Giants, who are just about eliminated from the NL West division crown thanks to their 3-6 start. Well, that and they aren't very good. Kevin Correia gets the start for the Giants, and he gave up 4 runs in 6 innings against the Brewers in his first start, and picked up the loss. On the bright side, at least it's not Barry Zito starting.

Alas, the moment will finally arrive. On Tuesday, the Diamondbacks' biggest off-season acquisition, Randy Johnson, will make his season debut, starting against the Padres at Chase Field. The date will be April 24th, which isn't too far off from the Unit's original projected date of return -- April 18th. This is a huge deal for Arizona, and a much-needed shot in the arm. The pitching staff has been banged up recently, with both Juan Cruz and Micah Owings getting placed on the 15-day DL.

Yusmeiro Petit, the prospect obtained from the Marlins in the Jorge Julio trade, will start Sunday for Arizona. The D-Backs also have recalled Dustin Nippert and Dana Eveland, and brought up Mike Schultz. Allow me to briefly say congrats to my old friend Mike Schultz on his Major League promotion. Mike missed two full seasons in the minors recovering from two shoulder surgeries. The guy used to be able to throw gas -- splitting a batting helmet in half and bloodying a batter's face back in high school.

As for Johnson, his most recent rehab start was on Thursday when he threw six innings for Triple-A Tucson. He most likely won't be able to work deep into the game in his first start, but his presence is more than welcomed. The Diamondbacks will now have the 1-2 punch they dreamed about heading into the season, with Brandon Webb and Johnson atop the rotation. Livan Hernandez, Doug Davis, and Edgar Gonzalez round out the formidable Diamondbacks' rotation.

Previously at FanHouse:
Randy Johnson's Not Quite Done With Rehab
Randy Johnson Could Be Less Than 10 Days Away
Randy Johnson's Happy He Didn't Kill Anybody
Randy Johnson Projected to Return Mid-to-Late April
Randy Johnson Will Start the Season on the DL
Randy Johnson Might Not Appear in a Cactus League Game
Like the Playoffs Against Detroit, Randy Johnson Throws BP
Randy Johnson Is Working His Way Back
Marlins Trade for Closer Jorge Julio