FanHouse DaneCook

Tony Romo was honored today at a Cosmopolitan magazine party celebrating "Fun Fearless Males of 2008." Dane Cook and John Mayer were also among the honorees. Mmmmm awkward.

When asked what made him a fun and fearless male, Romo responded (no, I am not making this up), "Dane Cook, John Mayer ... if you date Jessica Simpson, I guess."

Simpson-ex Nick Lachey was honored by the magazine last year, so I guess there is something to that.

Well, and as the above YouTube (warning naughty language and really bad guitar playing) demonstrates, you are also fun and fearless if you are an NFL starting quarterback who loves to sing karaoke and grope your celeb girlfriend onstage. Bill Parcells would not approve.

Previously at FanHouse:
Everything Romessica

Gabe Silva, Yankee fan morose human being, reflects on the world of sports talks to himself in his room.

As the World Series arrives, I've come to terms with the fact that Dane Cook is invited to the game, but Joba Chamberlain is not. Here, I make his head s'plode at the 1:20 mark. Enjoy.

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Do you love Dane Cook yet? Are you buying Tourgasm DVD's by the dozen? Lining your closets with t-shirts adorning that weird shocker symbol he always does? Did you take major umbrage at Saturday Night Live's overdue spoof?

Fear not, lover of Dane and lover of baseball. Murray Chass what the kids want: More Dane Cook!

There is only one postseason, there is only one October and there is only one star. His name is Dane Cook.

The pace was hectic, especially combined with Cook's other pursuits, but the job could not have been more enjoyable for a genuine baseball fan.

"I have a love of the game, and I love what I do, and even though I'm tired, I wake up ready to go and I'm enthusiastic," Cook said. "I just make sure I drink water and get some sleep during the day."

"Major League Baseball has hooked me up," said Cook, who grew up in Arlington, Mass. "I've gone to about 15 games since I've been in Boston. They've been great about getting me to games. I said I'll basically do this for nothing if you can get me the two seats my dad and I sat in in St. Louis, and they did."

That is what you would call a friendly review. A far more annoyed viewer might call Cook's commercials irritating, frustrating, worthy of a sharpened railroad spike to the temple ... something like that. But such viewers would obviously be incorrect, because when Murray Chass says you are are cool, you are most definitely cool. Way cool.

With the vague knee injury to Ahman Green, the two players who rushed for the Texans against the Falcons were Ron Dayne and Jameel Cook. They combined for 68 yards. Eleven of Dayne's 15 carries were for less than 3 yards. There were three third downs and 1 yard to go that Dayne couldn't convert.

Dayne says he will work on it:

"I could have kept the team on the field a couple of more times getting those third-and-1s and third-and-2s. I felt like I should have done more, and I will work harder in practice and work on little things like that."

I'm not sure what ails him is a lack of practice. Ron Dayne is a big guy, and the Texans have always said they were going to use him as a short yardage back, but in the pros he really has never excelled in the short yardage back role. He's a big guy that doesn't run big, but is big enough that he really isn't much of a threat to turn the corner.

Last year, the only time that the Texans had any sort of running game was these three things corresponded: 1. When center Steve McKinney was playing; 2. They were playing poor run defenses; 3. When the quarterback was being such a goon in the backfield, and there was no experienced healthy backup, that the running game was their only hope.

1) ESPN columnist Bill Simmons does not like Dane Cook. He is not exactly alone in this; slowly, like a zombie waddling awkwardly in friendship, the tides of popularity are turning against Dane Cook. Realizations that he stole jokes from Louis C.K., not to mention America's collective gasp of "Wait, we thought this guy was funny? What were we thinking!?" -- that will end a career of popularity mediocrity faster than you can make loud noises instead of a punch line. Yes, Cook's time is nigh, and in recent columns Simmons has been merely piling on.

Ah, but Cook will not go quietly into the night: in an ESPN chat yesterday, he fired back at el Jefe Simmons. I smell a rap battle! (HT: Shoot Your Hopes and Dreams)

2) As a Bears fan, it pains me to link this, even though I know it's early in the season: Yes, the Lions are 2-0. (For the record, Michigan is 1-2. Side by side, something is really wrong with that picture.) How Motor City fans will handle this is yet to be seen, though I wouldn't rule out spontaneous cranial combustion.

3) All on the Field interviews Ball Four author Jim Bouton. He wrote a book. Do those have pixels yet? Because if they don't, I ain't interested.

4) If you haven't seen this video of Jimmy Clausen's Heismann bid flying past his head like so many errant shotgun snaps, go. You'll thank yourself.

5) Now Brian Billick is whining. Does anyone in the league not do things like this? Are we serious here?

If you couldn't make out what LeBron James said after dunking the baby, it was: "Let's see if Angelina Jolie can adopt that baby." Don't rack your brain, it doesn't make sense and I'm not sure it's supposed to. I'm guessing this was LBJ's attempt to break the mold of his carefully constructed P.R. exterior with a little shock humor.

But as I'm sure you'll agree, it missed the mark. Bill Livingston of the Cleveland Plain Dealer ripped LBJ for the stunt in a column yesterday, pointing out the dry reception it received during the ESPYs (thanks to SLAM Online for the link):

No one except comedian Dane Cook acknowledged the ill-advised skit. Cook wondered if James' dancing in a Hammer/Bobby Brown send-up or "when he dunked the baby" was more tasteless.

And seriously, when Dane Cook is saying your humor sucks, you know you've bottomed out. Should anyone actually care about the dunk? I mean, isn't getting upset about a 15-second joke going a little overboard?

Maybe, but maybe not. Ignoring for a moment why LBJ was even pretending to dunk his kid in the first place, I happen to agree with Livingston who thought it was extremely odd that LBJ would take the chance to inject a shot at Jolie. She may be somewhat of a self-serving, attention-starved public figure herself, but at least she's a self-serving, attention-starved public figure not scared to use her fame to alert the public of a serious issue, that being the level of poverty children in third-world countries are exposed to.

That's not to say that both James and Jolie don't try to help in their own special way, but I find Jolie's strategy of adopting every other child she comes across much more effective than simply sticking them in front of a sewing machine to make more Nikes. In other words, LBJ has a long, long ways to go before he can start making fun of anyone actually trying to make a difference.
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Previously on FanHouse:
Live from New York, It's LeBron James!
Stephon Marbury Calls Out Michael Jordan
LeBron, Damon Jones Not Into Activism

Greetings, Major League Baseball fans. I am PostmanR, your intrepid blogger. Tonight for you, we have a very special treat ... it's the 2007 MLB All-Star Game!

There are many pressing issues to address this evening. Such as: just what squad will gain home-field advantage, no matter how ridiculous the premise? Can the National League overcome the American League after being in its stranglehold for years? Will Barry Bonds weep as he plays in front of his home crowd? Will Tony LaRussa fall asleep before the sixth inning?

All this and more after the jump. So sit back, relax and and enjoy the ride.