Every Thursday, Pickin' On the Big Ten stays late to run the TPS reports on the coming weekend's games.
In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his or her level of incompetence.
The above statement is better known as the Peter Principle, and if it doesn't make sense to you, join the club. I didn't get it the first 1,378 times I read it. Now I recognize it for what it is. It's an overly intellectual way of saying "People who do a good job keep getting promoted until they wind up in a job they can't do."
So what does this have to do with Illinois, you ask?
Every Thursday, Pickin' On the Big Ten tries to make sense out of the upcoming weekend's games.
It was not supposed to be like this for Mark Dantonio and the Michigan State Spartans. Sure, they lost in the Capital One Bowl last season, but not by much, which is why many people tagged them as the Big Ten's third-best team going into this year. It was going to be hard to replace Brian Hoyer and Javon Ringer, but at long last things were looking up for Sparty.
Now, after a heart-shattering 1-3 start, things are still looking up, if only because "up" is the only direction left. Now it's time to pull the wreckage of this season out of the ditch to see what can be salvaged.
Last week the Big Ten suspended Michigan's Jonas Mouton for punching a Notre Dame player after a play. But if the conference was trying to send a message that cheap shots won't be tolerated, not everyone got that message. Because Purdue's Zach Reckman delivered a nasty hit on Northern Illinois's Sean Progar after the final play of the Boilermakers' loss.
Every Thursday, Pickin' On the Big Ten previews the upcoming weekend's action in The Conference Everybody Loves to Hate.
Oh, it's here. It's finally, finally, finally here. No more depth-chart speculation, no more arguing about who is the best SAM in the conference, and only one more week until the game that will either restore the Big Ten's swagger or send it sobbing into the bathroom. The teams are ready, the stadiums are ready (well, except for Minnesota's), the cheerleaders and bands are ready, the vast charcoal forests of northern Michigan have been shaved to the ground, the beer cows of Wisconsin have been "milked" into millions of brown glass bottles ... it's time for some football, y'all.
So, grab a beverage, throw some cheddarwurst on the grill, and let's take a look at this weekend's action-packed slate of games, shall we?
The college football season is fast approaching, with many fall camps set to open this week. Thus it's time to lay aside our interregional bickering and turn our thoughts to, you know, what might actually happen on the field.
The big question in the Big Ten this season is whether Penn State's conference championship was just a momentary burp in the conference's Buckeye-dominated food chain, or whether things might actually be shifting just a bit in the conference. Do the Buckeyes claim the title again? Will the Nittany Lions defend last year's crown and make a run at the national title? Will there be some giant, world-rocking surprise team that comes in and knocks them both out of the BCS?
Okay, so Danny Hope isn't the only hope in West Lafayette, Ind., this spring. Former Miami Hurricanes quarterback Robert Marve (pictured at right) ended the speculation about his next address Thursday, confirming that he will transfer to Purdue for his final two seasons of eligibility. Marve will have to sit out this coming season but will be eligible in 2010 and 2011.
Marve was Florida's Mr. Football in 2006 but missed all of his freshman season due to a car accident. His numbers from 2008 were not stunning, and when Jacory Harris was named the starter, Marve decided he wanted out.
There's nothing wrong with that, of course. Football players play football, and if Marve didn't want to stand around holding a clipboard, it's his right to walk away. Your head knows this and agrees with it. Your heart, however, is saying something like "Yeah, but ... Purdue?" O ye of little knowledge.
It's barely spring here in the Midwest but spring football is well under way, and there's abundant intrigue in the Big Ten conference. Coming off what seems like the 46th consecutive disappointing bowl season, including a Rose Bowl where Penn State's Daryll Clark (right) did his best but the Nittany Lions still couldn't beat Southern Cal, nobody will be expecting much from the conference or its teams when fall rolls around. Somebody has to win it, however, and now is when the jockeying for position really begins.
In the first installment of the end-of-season report card on the Big Ten, we looked at the schools in the first half of the alphabet. Know what letter is in the first half of the alphabet? That's right. F. But then, all the other grade letters are in the first half of the alphabet too.
Even though it wasn't a great year overall for the conference, there were plenty of bright points and hopeful signs and "wait until next year" moments which should have Big Ten fans excited for next season. Either that, or we'll all look like Charlie Brown did five seconds after Lucy teed up the football. But I digress. Let's take a look at the teams in the second drawer of the Big Ten file cabinet, shall we?
Joe Tiller is, of course, retiring at the end of the year. Either that or he's transplanting his brain into Danny Hope's unsuspecting body, as Hope was clearly cloned from one of Tiller's jowls and set upon this earth to perpetuate Purdue's manifset destiny to go 8-5 every year. But either way ol' walrus eyes won't be prowling the sidelines at Ross-Ade any more, and that's a little sad.
Purdue has switched quarterbacks in the fourth quarter of its matchup with Penn State (the Boilermakers are down 20-6), pulling record-setter Curtis Painter in favor of Joey Elliott. Head coach Joe Tiller threatened to make this move two weeks ago against Central Michigan before Painter responded nicely in a victory.
Painter joins a long line of Purdue benchees from Brandon Kirsch to Kyle Orton to whoever the poor sap was in Tiller's first year in West Lafayette. This presumably ends his Heisman campaign, too.
Good news for those worried about a distinct lack of life insurance, Quaker Oats, and diabeetus jokes with the now-official exit of Purdue coach Joe Tiller: Purdue's coach-in-waiting is Danny Hope, a former Tiller assistant who was until recently the head coach at Eastern Kentucky, and Danny Hope looks uncannily like a young, vigorous walrus eager to tell you all about the wonderful products available at Liberty Mutual.
It's freaky, isn't it? The picture at right doesn't really do it justice. Click through on the link above and you'll be transported in a David Lynch movie where Hell is a circular dimension where everyone eventually starts looking like Wilford Brimley. Or maybe that's just me.
As far as hires go, this one seems reasonable but not exactly Bobby Petrino to Arkansas. Hope was Tiller's offensive line coach at Wyoming and Purdue until he left in 2002, whereupon he became EKU's head coach. In five years there he's gone 35-22, leading the Colonels* to a 9-3 record and a conference championship this year. He runs Tiller's spread, too, so the transition should be relatively smooth.
*(No... seriously. Their dorm cafeteria fried chicken must be amazing.)
Every Thursday, Pickin' On the Big Ten stays late to run the TPS reports on the coming weekend's games.
Every Thursday, 
Every Thursday, 
The college football season is fast approaching, with many fall camps set to open this week. Thus it's time to lay aside our interregional bickering and turn our thoughts to, you know, what might actually happen on the field.
Okay, so 
It's barely spring here in the Midwest but spring football is well under way, and there's abundant intrigue in the Big Ten conference. Coming off what seems like the 46th consecutive disappointing bowl season, including a Rose Bowl where Penn State's 
In 
Joe Tiller is, of course, retiring at the end of the year. Either that or he's transplanting his brain into Danny Hope's unsuspecting body, as Hope was clearly 
Good news for those worried about a distinct lack of life insurance, Quaker Oats, and 
