FanHouse DmitriYoung

On Tuesday night's game between the Nationals and Rockies, Alan Embree earned the win without even throwing a pitch. For one night, at least, he got to live the life of a fantasy baseball team owner.

The real story here, of course, is that the win statistic suddenly seems a little trivial. Baseball experts across the board have always agreed that wins are the definitive pitching statistic. ERA? WHIP? Maybe those nerds at the acronym factory are on to something, because a zero-pitch win just doesn't seem right. Then again, Embree was up against the Nationals, and everyone wins against the Nationals.

Wednesday morning's Dugout is after the jump.

I commit my fair share of typos. It's an unfortunate consequence of writing things on the Internet. But if I instead stitched my posts, letter by profane letter, onto a quilt or throw pillow or something, you'd better believe that there would be no mistakes.

That's why I'm unable to understand how in the world the Nationals' Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman took the field last night with jerseys that spelled, "NATINALS" on the front. (Visual evidence can be found at the excellent D.C. Sports Bog.) There has to be some sort of explanation for this, right?

This mrning's Dugut is after the jump.

Some important news and notes from the warped minds at The Dugout:

1. Our annual Spring Training event (hilariously named "Spring Dugz" by Nick), where we cover a different team every day for 30 days, begins on Monday. So if you like ... I don't know, the Astros, be sure you don't miss out.
2. From here on out I won't be "B" anymore, but B. Thompson Stroud. Check the byline. Same letter, same guy, same esoteric jokes about wrestling.
3. Above the words here is an old picture of Dmitri Young being run over by a clownish car, because I felt that image best expresses the 2009 Washington Nationals season.

Now that that's all out of the way, enjoy tonight's Dugout, part 2 of Nationals Lampoon, after the jump.

The Daily Jolt is a dose of baseball reality every weekday morning.

The Nationals made it official Thursday, inking slugger Adam Dunn to a two-year, $20 million deal and introducing him in Washington. Dunn fills a glaring need for the Nats -- left-handed power -- but he also creates a roster crunch that general manager Jim Bowden will have to clear up before the team heads north for the start of the season.

Of course, Washington isn't the only club with a bit of a logjam heading into Spring Training. Here are a look at five rosters that will need to be un-cluttered in the coming six weeks, and how they might be.

All Twins, all the time! We just started covering the Twins again recently, and here comes the news that Ron Gardenhire has his outfield for next year and it does not include Delmon Young, the young star famous for throwing a bat at somebody and for helping assault the same woman like 200 times over the last few years of our online comic.

What does this mean for the Twins? Obviously it means "we are trying to do something to light a fire under Delmon's ass so he stops playing defense like that." It could also mean Delmon being traded, hopefully to the Nationals, because that would be really hilarious and awesome.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. Donk.

If you're old enough to read this, you're old enough to not go trick-or-treating. You are permitted to go to a friend's hipster Halloween party ironically dressed as George Michael from WHAM! (or, if you're a woman, George Michael from WHAM!), but under no circumstances are you to go door-to-door with your nonsense.

Now that this is established, please enjoy this Dugout about adults trick-or-treating. It's after the jump.

Our MLB editor provides weekly dispatches from major league games in Notes From the Clubhouse.

Let's get the obvious out of the way first: the Nationals are not a good baseball team. We knew that would be the case coming into the season. What seems clear after another devastating day for the club, is that they're also a pretty unlucky bunch.

Ryan Zimmerman is already out for most of the rest of the season with a tear in his labrum. Before Tuesday night's game against the Angels, Washington announced that first baseman Nick Johnson will miss the rest of 2008 with a wrist injury. Then pitcher Shawn Hill was torched for eight runs (six earned) by the Halos in three innings. Hill, looked physically broken down and has pitched with forearm pain all season. It was decided immediately after the game he would go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. for a re-evaluation of his arm, an ominous decision considering his lengthy history of arm trouble.

If you're keeping score at home, the Nats have lost the cornerstone in their grand franchise rebuilding effort (Zimmerman), the player who led the team in VORP in 2006, the last time he was healthy for a full season (Johnson) and they might lose the pitcher who led all Washington starters in VORP last year (Hill). They already have the second fewest wins in the majors, and things are probably going to get worse. You almost have to feel bad for them.

I like Dan LeBatard. He doesn't take himself too seriously, he's a solid writer, and he seems to annoy the hell out of Mr. Tony. But while chatting it up with the The Big Lead yesterday, he gave quite possibly the most ridiculous answer to an honest question since Phil Mickelson insisted he's grown an inch in the last year.

Q: LeBatard, what's your views on Tiger and whether or not he's an athlete and if he is, where does he rank among other greats?

LEBATARD: not an athlete.....what he does is a skill, not a sport....it is like being a brain surgeon or a seamstress.....golf isn't a sport....you can't be eating an apple during key moments of athletic triumph.....that said, he's a better athlete than everyone else doing that.....but it isn't a sport when someone carries your stuff and the most grueling thing you do is walk

Wow, that's short-sighted. Maybe LeBatard was joking (Mr. Tony plays golf!), but let's assume he wasn't. What makes an athlete? That's kinda tough to answer, but does anybody consider Dmitri Young more of an athlete than Woods? And is baseball more of a "sport" than golf? I mean, didn't Manny take a water bottle with him to left field a few years ago? Is that any better than eating an apple (or in Young's case, a pizza)?

Instant replay. Baseball might have instant replay, but instant replay would require instant replay. The issue of instant replay has been an instant replay for years now, only complicating the matter of instant replay. On one hand, instant replay. Of course that raises the issue of instant replay. This, in turn, creates the problem of not being able to have instant replay without instant replay. Personally, I instant replay. I've instant replayed since I was a small instant replay. Instant replay is a completely natural and instant replay thing. Baseball purists who instant replay the issue need to instant replay themselves and stop instant replaying the matter at hand.

In case you haven't heard, instant replay.

Instant replay after the jump.