When I was six, I lifted a pack of gum from a grocery store. I was quickly busted by my mom as I tried to eat the gum, immediately, in the car. After my Dad got through with me, including, and this was not the most severe bit, duct taping the window shut, removing the light bulb and putting a towel at the door overnight when I was afraid of the dark, he asked me a question. "What could you possibly have been thinking?"
There's a dude in San Antonio that makes six-year-old me look like a freaking genius.
Our story begins at the house of San Antonio Spurs superstar point guard Tony Parker.
Evan Longoria does not like to talk about Eva Longoria. I know why. Freshman year of college. A certain profanely-titled song by a certain really stupid Anglo R&B singer named Eamon is atop the charts. And I, after introducing myself to cute girls at parties, had to hear the constant refrain: "Like the singer?" Eamonn was a perfectly good name until that no-talent a-- clown started winning Grammy's.
Anyway, I get it. Hearing that sort of thing probably irks Evan. But Eva's "people" apparently do not care, as they peppered Big League Stew's Nick Friedell with a statement from the woman herself:
"I hope Evan gets Rookie of the Year and congratulations to them making it to the World Series!!!
"I thought it was funny when someone first told me that there was an Evan Longoria playing for the Tampa Bay Rays, but I kept hearing his name being mentioned after another Rays win. It's good to see that he is representing the Longorias well and keeping the name proud!" ~Eva Longoria
Thanks for that, Eva. Now kindly go away. Leave the similarly named alone. We don't need your support, OK?
Elie Seckbach, the Embedded NBA Correspondent, brings his exclusive video reporting to FanHouse. Check back regularly for more videos.
NBA star Tony Parker is the new cover guy for EA Sports' NBA Live 09, and this past weekend we got the chance to sit down with the Spurs point guard for a candid interview about life, video games and basketball. Tony tells us about being a newlywed, how Manu Ginobili's surgery went, and why he feels the Spurs would get more attention if they were playing in New York. We also talk to Tony's wife, Eva Longoria Parker, about Tony's "man-time."
Check out the exclusive sit-down with TP09 after the jump.
Elie Seckbach, the Embedded NBA Correspondent, brings his exclusive video reporting to FanHouse. Check back regularly for more videos.
Many celebrities love the NBA and are real proud of it. In this video we caught up with some familiar faces as they walked the red carpet in Hollywood, in honor of the EA Sports NBA Live 09 release party. 'Heroes' star Sendhil Ramamurthy tells us who he roots for, and why it almost cost him his health. Former football star Michael Strahan says he's an NBA buff but does not get what the Knicks are doing. Also hear how funny man Al Shearer would 'punk' NBA Star Tony Parker. While actor Jarod Einsohn says he knows who will win it all. We also find out what Brenda Strong, the voice of 'Desperate Housewives,' used to do for one NBA team.
Elie Seckbach, the Embedded NBA Correspondent, brings his exclusive video reporting to FanHouse. Check back regularly for more videos.
Many celebrities love the NBA and are real proud of it. In this video we caught up with some familiar faces as they walked the red carpet in Hollywood, in honor of the EA Sports NBA Live 09 release party. 'Heroes' star Sendhil Ramamurthy tells us who he roots for, and why it almost cost him his health. Former football star Michael Strahan says he's an NBA buff but does not get what the Knicks are doing. Also hear how funny man Al Shearer would 'punk' NBA Star Tony Parker. While actor Jarod Einsohn says he knows who will win it all. We also find out what Brenda Strong, the voice of 'Desperate Housewives,' used to do for one NBA team.
While I'm mildly amused at reading celebrity gossip, I feel downright dirty posting about it here. But, what's fair is fair, and since FanHouse has collected mad crazy page views in the past detailing Tony Parker's alleged unfaithfulness with a so-called model, it's only fair to come to his defense when the rumors turn out to be complete and utter crap.
We already know that Parker sued the website X17 for reporting he cheated on Eva Longoria, and now we find out that his alleged mistress, Alexandra Paressant, is certified bat-s**t crazy. Dana Kennedy of PEOPLE Magazine and the Huffington Post (via WithLeather) investigated Paressant and learned that most of the pictures on her MySpace profile were not of her but instead another model. Why? As one of Paressant's friends told Kennedy, "She's not ugly but she's average" and "definitely not model material." So how did a non-model get to be intimate with the soccer player Ronaldinho, whom Paressant was linked with in the past? Umm ... that never happened, either:
She appears to have created her relationship with Ronaldinho by anonymously flooding footballer forums with posts about "Ronaldinho and his fiance the French top model Alexandra Paressant" and doctoring photos. Fans and the media started to accept the fake relationship as fact.
As it happens, that's apparently what she did to Parker, as well -- Kennedy is now convinced that Paressant has never even met Parker, let alone received raunchy text messages from him, let alone been intimate with him. She's apparently just some strange lonely broad looking for a bit of fame, and she found it by telling a few lies to an unquestioning media eager to eat it up. Sorry, No Photos
Let's get this out of the way: Evan Longoria, the top prospect for the Rays, has a name that looks an awful lot like Eva Longoria, TV star and annoying NBA fan. Hard-core baseball fans have known this for awhile and no longer think it's funny (it never was in the first place, really), but casual fans might want to take a moment to chuckle.
Done? Good, because you're going to see a lot of Longoria next year. The third overall pick of the 2006 amateur draft absolutely killed minor league pitching this year, hitting a combined .299 (.922 OPS) with 26 home runs and 95 RBI between Double-A Montgomery and Triple-A Durham.
By this time next year, he could be a front-runner for the AL Rookie of the Year award -- the only question is whether he'll break camp as the team's starting third baseman or be called up later in the year. Joe Maddon explains to the Tampa Tribune why the latter might be better for Longoria's overall success:
"Sometimes it's more difficult for a young man to come out of spring training and have all this pressure attached to him to be this person," said Maddon. "Whereas if he goes to the minor leagues, gets off a great start, gets in the flow of things, comes up and, boom, he just continues it along."
The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.
Having been crushed twice, things might appear to be hopeless for the Cleveland Cavaliers. LeBron James hasn't been himself, San Antonio is shredding the normally stout Cleveland defense, and there's been no indication that things are going to get better.
It's time to think outside the box. There are solutions for the Cavs ... but they aren't the kinds of things that Mike Brown can diagram on a dry-erase board. Here are 8 things the Cavs can do to salvage some self-respect.
1. Fake the Death of Owner Dan Gilbert, Say That His Ex-Showgirl Wife Rachel Phelps Has Inherited the Team.
Then you get a cardboard cutout of her and put it in the locker room, with four removable pieces of clothing on her. And with every game the Cavs win, they remove a piece of clothing. This has traditionally been a very successful strategy in Cleveland sports, and it has the added benefit of allowing Donyell Marshall to be able to look at a naked woman without paying for it. It also might not hurt to hire James Gannon as head coach.
2. Speed the Game Up.
And when I say "speed the game up," I'm talking about taking Coach Mike Brown's playbook and setting it on fire. Before tip-off, give Brown a Sudoku puzzle or something, and he'll be occupied for the next six hours ... and just let LeBron James completely run the game his way, pick-up style.
Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria has imposed a 'no-sex' policy on her fiance Tony Parker until the couple exchange vows in July.
The actress implemented the ban to help basketball star Tony reach the NBA play-offs with the San Antonio Spurs.
She told US chat show host Jimmy Kimmel: "Luckily, we're getting married after the play-offs and then we need to consummate the marriage. I scheduled it that way."
Let this serve as a warning to any Phoenix Suns considering posting up Tony Parker ... he's in a state of mind right now that you want no part of. He will body you up with a fierceness usually only found in prison showers, and you might not like how it turns out. Sorry, No Photos
When I was six, I lifted a pack of gum from a grocery store. I was quickly busted by my mom as I tried to eat the gum, immediately, in the car. After my Dad got through with me, including, and this was not the most severe bit, duct taping the window shut, removing the light bulb and putting a towel at the door overnight when I was afraid of the dark, he asked me a question. "What could you possibly have been thinking?"
NBA star 
Let's get this out of the way: 
As difficult as Shawn Marion made it for Tony Parker to penetrate last night, Eva Longoria is making it even more difficult. 
