The LPGA has spoken, and if you understand English, the message is clear: the tour will henceforth be a one-language operation, which creates all sorts of ironical hilarity since a good many tour winners are from non-English speaking countries. No matter. In an effort to improve sponsorships, and presumably ratings, the tour is getting the Stepford Wives treatment: Homogenize everything. In addition to English-only requirements, players will also be encouraged to bleach their hair blond and get breast implants. Because if there's anything LPGA fans love more than watching golfers speak a language we can all understand (and by "we," I mean "lazy Americans"), it's watching golfers speak a language we can all understand while being able to point and gawk in the process.
Perhaps I've overstating things a bit, but the whole idea of requiring players to learn English is farcical. The theory for the new rule goes something like this: the amateurs who take part in pro-ams can't communicate with the pros because of the language barrier. Apparently, that's a no-no, and a much bigger concern than finding a way to mass-market the tour to a wider audience. Which probably goes a long way in explaining the tour's current run on abysmal ratings.
