Posts tagged FelixPie at FanHouse

A lot has been made of Ozzie Guillen's latest comments/rant/maniacal diatribe in which he said changes need to be made to the White Sox, and that he fully expected Kenny Williams to make some moves. Even if they involved firing him or his hitting coach, Greg Walker. As of now, nothing has happened.

There have been no trades. Nobody has been fired (sorry, Jay), and nobody has been called up from Triple-A. In fact, the only thing that's scheduled to happen at this point is a meeting between Guillen and Williams before the White Sox take on the Royals tonight at U.S. Cellular Field.

This will be more than the typical state-of-the-team session Williams and Guillen usually conduct in Guillen's office before each homestand. At stake is whether they can come to an agreement on their hitters' capabilities, even with the Sox in first place in the American League Central.

Personally, I don't get what the big deal is about Guillen's latest comments. People say he threw Williams under the bus, but I don't think he did anything close to it. Ozzie never said he thought that Kenny did a bad job of putting his team together, all he said was that the offense just isn't working right now, and that he thinks Williams will probably do something about it. Given Williams history as White Sox general manager, that's not exactly a stretch.

You know, this baseball season started out with some pretty odd, and no doubt, painful injuries. First we heard the tragic tale of Felix Pie and his twisted testicle, and that story was followed shortly with the epic battle between Kaz Matsui and the evil anal fissures.

Since then, though, we've had nothing but the same old boring hamstring and sore shoulder injuries. That is until Jim Leyland explained the problems his third baseman Carlos Guillen has been having after he committed two errors on Tuesday night.

"He can hardly move -- he's got hemorrhoids so bad," Tigers manager Jim Leyland said Tuesday. "He's been playing with hemorrhoids that probably need to be lanced. He probably shouldn't have been out there (third base on Monday)."

Leyland said the hemorrhoids have been bothering Guillen for about four or five days, but they have gotten worse in the last few days. "He could hardly walk (Monday night)," Leyland said.

And with that, we now know more about Carlos' ass than I think we ever hoped to. Thanks, Jim.

I've never had hemorrhoids myself, so I can't say for sure how painful they actually are, but anytime you need to have anything lanced, it doesn't sound like much fun. Looking on the bright side, maybe Guillen can spin this whole thing into an endorsement for Preparation H. "Hello, I'm Detroit Tigers third baseman Carlos Guillen, and when I play baseball I like to make sure my butt feels nice. Sitting on that hard wooden bench between innings can really tear a man's booty up, and that's why I never come to the ballpark without my Preparation H with cooling gel."

The commercial would then show Carlos hitting a home run and as he crosses the plate to high five his teammates, he gets a slap on the ass from Ivan Rodriguez before turning towards the camera, flashing a smile, winking, and giving a thumbs up.

We're not scaremongering. This is really happening.

Is there anything to like about Jim Edmonds to the Cubs (which is apparently a done deal)? If you're a Cubs fan, no. If you're not a Cubs fan ... well, still, the answer is no. It's just bad baseball sense in every regard.

Why? Let me count the ways.

Alternate title: Jim Hendry Hates Matt Murton

In what's not terribly surprising news, the Cubs just announced that they're putting Alfonso Soriano on the DL after he strained his calf in last night's game. General scuttlebutt has been that Mark DeRosa and Reed Johnson will get at-bats in left field with Felix Pie and Mark Fontenot will fill in for DeRosa and Johnson in their regular positions. The Cubbies are insisting that Soriano's not hurt that badly, but apparently they'd rather be cautious this early in the year. Accordingly, Soriano's going on the DL and Eric Patterson is coming up.

Wait, what? Not Matt Murton? Eric Patterson? They'd rather split time in left field between a middle infielder and a guy that got released three weeks ago instead of Murton, who's got some decent pop and the definite ability to get on base? And they'd rather have Patterson on the bench? Really? Either Jim Hendry wants Murton to stay in AAA and play every day to showcase him or he just really, really, really hates his guts.

As for the main issue here, I think the Cubs are probably making the right move with Soriano, even if he'll be ready to play again in a week. He wasn't all that durable last year, playing in only 135 games, and having him healthy at the end of the year is much more important than having him healthy now. Taking two weeks off in April and early May won't kill the team, and it may make Soriano that much stronger down the stretch.

Reed Johnson was only looking for work for a few days after being cut by the Blue Jays last week, as he signed a 1-year deal with the Cubs today for a little over a million dollars. This move, in itself, is not terribly interesting because Reed Johnson isn't really that good and he's just going to function as a fourth or fifth outfielder for the Cubs. However, between this move and some other moves the Cubs made today, there are some things worth paying attention to.

In the same article, it's noted that both Eric Patterson and Sam Fuld were demoted to the minors. That means that Felix Pie's twisted testicle (sorry, guys) must be feeling well enough for him to start in center field. Pie didn't actually perform that well as a 22-year old in Chicago last year, though Patterson and Fuld are just as unproven as he is, even if they are a bit older. If things go poorly, Johnson does have some center field experience and he can fill in there in a pinch.

The other thing worst thinking about is Matt Murton. For about as long as I've known that Murton existed, he's been on the trading block. As it stands right now, the Cubs have Murton, Pie, Johnson, Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome, and Daryle Ward in the outfield. It's mildly crazy to carry six outfielders and since Ward is a fairly valuable right left-handed bat off the bench and they just acquired Johnson, well, Murton might not want to buy a plane ticket to Chicago just yet.

If you're anything like me, not only are you extremely good looking, but you're also fully aware that the regular season starts two weeks from today. Those two weeks couldn't go by fast enough, because frankly, I'm getting pretty bored with spring training. It's the same stories every day. Somebody got injured, somebody is going to get traded, and Joe Girardi is going to instruct his players to carry knives around the basepaths.

As a Chicagoan, one of the stories I know I'm tired of hearing about is the ongoing saga of the Brian Roberts trade. Is it going to happen? Has it already happened? Why hasn't it happened yet!? Cubs manager Lou Piniella is tired of hearing about it as well, but not because he's bored by the story, but because he's worried about what it's doing to his youngsters.

"The one thing here with our camp with these trade rumors all the time, it's been a little unsettling for a lot of these kids here," manager Lou Piniella said. "It's hard enough. It's not easy for them to come here and read their names all the time. It's not the easiest thing in the world for these kids."

Won't somebody please think of the children!

Personally, I think the kids will be fine. After all, they're not really kids, and this is just a game that they're playing.

I still think this trade is going to get done, but I have my theory as to why it hasn't yet. With the Cubs continuing to look for another centerfielder in a trade, I wonder if maybe the Orioles want Felix Pie and his mangled manparts as part of any deal, and the Cubs don't want to let go of Pie until they have somebody to take his place.

Poor, poor, Felix Pie. As if having to suffer from a twisted testicle isn't painful enough, and I'm truly grateful I've never had to experience it, now Pie has going to be out for three to five days because he had to undergo surgery on it today.

Pie is suffering from what's called testicular torsion, or, in layman's terms, a twisted testicle. It happened early in camp, but Pie had the problem reduced manually, sources said, and was able to continue playing. He was scheduled to have the corrective surgery on the Cubs off-day next Monday, but when Pie reported to camp with soreness Monday, the Cubs decided to get the procedure done today.

I'm not sure if I want to know what having "the problem reduced manually" consists of or not, but whatever it was, maybe Felix enjoyed it. He deserves a chance to enjoy something, right? The poor kid has had to go through a lot lately. First his ball gets twisted up, and now he's got doctors going at his boys with a scalpel.

I cringe just typing it.

Then to top it all off, he's got to deal with hearing rumors about the Cubs pursuing every center fielder who might be available: Coco Crisp, Marlon Byrd, Reggie Willits, and Ryan Freel have all been mentioned as players the Cubs are looking at.

Needless to say, I don't think this has been the best few weeks of Felix Pie's life.

Previously at FanHouse:
Felix Pie Suffers Tragic Twister Accident

The Dugout is all about character growth. From day one we've watched Kyle Farnsworth evolve from a fan-kicking sociopath into the literal onion of psychological human study he has become. We've watched Jim Thome grow from a rosy-cheeked manchild with pee on his hat into a rosy-cheeked manchild with socks on his hat. Dmitri Young has eaten Fruit by the Foot and then forgotten what Fruit by the Foot is. Seasons change, time goes on, and life ebbs and flows.

This year, the Chicago Cubs will be different, at least in the multiverse of The Dugout. Dusty Baker is in Cincinnati. Mark Prior is in San Diego. And unless Kerry Wood walks too close to an unsupervised swimming pool or something the Cubs should be a young, talented, heavy-hitting force to be reckoned with.

After the jump: The Cubbies - positive and ready for action in a world where nothing could possibly go wrong.

The Cubs have had players miss time already this spring thanks to some very odd reasons. Mark DeRosa had to be hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat, and needed surgery to fix it. Meanwhile, pitcher Jose Ascanio, got jacked up in an attempted robbery. On top of that, Alfonso Soriano just broke his finger. Still, none of these guys are going through anything like Felix Pie is right now.

Get ready to cringe, fellas. From the Cubs official site,

...outfielder Felix Pie missed a couple of days early because of a twisted testicle.

Ouch.

I've no idea how it happened, and I'm not sure I want to know. Maybe he sneezed a la Sammy Sosa. Maybe Carlos Zambrano got angry at him, and thought he needed to learn a painful lesson. Who knows?

The only thing I do know, is that there aren't many other things I can think of that are more painful than a twisted testicle. Mine start to hurt just typing it. Kudos to Felix for only missing a few days. If that happened to me, I'd probably need a week or two off.

Now that the Twins have finally parted ways with Johan Santana, I think it's safe to assume that they're not going to be competing with the Tigers and Indians in the AL Central this season. (Please don't tell me that Francisco Liriano is going to be able to fill Santana's shoes. What about his history actually makes you think he's going to get through an entire season healthy?) It's also likely that since they didn't get all that much in return, they won't be competing next year either.

So why not start over? I'm not suggesting the Twins go all Oakland Athletics on us and trade everybody, but I think a smaller rebuilding process is in order, hell, it's already started, and Joe Nathan should be the next to go. After hearing about the Santana deal, Nathan said that he still thinks the Twins can compete in 2008 and that he'd like to remain a part of it, and the team has said they're not going to trade him, but that just doesn't make sense to me.

The Twins should definitely start shopping Nathan now (Give the Cubs a call? Felix Pie could solve the centerfield problem, and a Sean Marshall could fill a spot in the rotation.) before spring training to see what they can get, and if they can't find an agreeable deal, they should definitely part ways with him at the trading deadline. It just doesn't make sense for a team that's not going to be in contention to hold on to a veteran closer like Nathan when there will be plenty of contenders interested in his services.

At this point it's important for the Twins to stockpile some young talent for the future.

Sure, the Twins still have Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, and Michael Cuddyer locked up which will help keep people in the Metrodome seats for now while the team's new prospects develop, but by stockpiling talent it could mean that the Twins celebrate their first season in their new park in 2010 with a whole new string of division titles.