FanHouse Frank Catalanotto

The dream came crashing to an end on Tuesday evening in Toronto when the evil Communists from Venezuela cheated defeated Italy 10-1 and eliminated them from the World Baseball Classic. It was the second time in a matter of days that the Venezuelans bested the Italians (the first game was a 7-0 "victory"), no doubt because Hugo Chavez bribed the umpires with free gasoline.

It's really a shame too, but not just because of the promise shown by Italy when it sent Canada home after only two games on Monday. No, it's a shame because none of this ever had to happen. The Italians could have beaten Venezuela.

All they needed was me.

The sporting world in general is very superstitious. Players in all sports do things like wearing the same jock strap, or eating the same pre-game meal. It also carries over to the media, where there's the world famous Madden Cover jinx, or the Sports Illustrated cover.

So the fact that the Rangers are starting to think they might be cursed is not a new phenomenon, but the source of the curse is from within their own organization. Dave Sessions of the Fort-Worth Star Telegram has figured it all out.

Various publications have been credited with jinxing players over the years and early returns indicate the Rangers might be cursed by an unlikely source -- their own game program. Thus far this season, three players have been on the cover -- Michael Young, who has slumped for much of the season; Brandon McCarthy, who has not pitched well; and Frank Catalanotto, who went on the disabled list Tuesday. The only stat that prevents it from being a certified jinx is that in the opening homestand, Young hit .240, which is better than his season average. On the other hand, it is considerably lower than his career average of .300, so perhaps the Rangers Program Cover Jinx was responsible for the poor start.

Dun. Dun. Dunnnnnnnn.

It's all so clear now! The Brandon McCarthy and Frank Catalanotto mishaps could be sheer coincidence, but not Michael Young. Young is a career .298 hitter, and has had at least 200 hits over the last four seasons while never hitting below .306. So logically, a cover jinx can be the only explanation for his current .207 batting average.

And for those of you who think, "So what? I'll never be on the cover of the Rangers program, so it doesn't affect me." Well, you're wrong. This jinx has gotten it's hold on the entire world. You know who was on the cover of the program at one time?

That's right. George W. Bush.

I believe they call that, case closed.