FanHouse GaryMccord

Before last weekend, Andrew Magee was probably best known as "that guy who got a hole-in-one on a par 4 that one time." Coincidentally, that piece of golf history took place at TPC Scottdale, where, eight years later, Magee again made news, this time as an on-course reporter for Golf Channel.

Via CBSSports.com's Steve Elling:

I just figured J.B. Holmes went with the "J.B." because he's from Kentucky and that's what was expected of him. Turns out, his Christian name is John, and he actually was known as such until a few years ago when, during a practice round, Gary McCord, connoisseur of vintage porn, apparently, declared that Holmes would henceforth be known as J.B.

Prior to that, however, Holmes spent much of his youth having to deal with the shame and embarrassment that comes with being compared to a dude who allegedly made mad monkey love to 14,000 women.

The Kentucky ace's cause was not helped by the fact he is such a monster hitter - averaging over 310 yards off the tee - he was dubbed Long John'. ...

When I was playing high school golf I used to get it all the time, with people either trying to wind me up or have a laugh at my expense. I got tired of it pretty quickly - but other people didn't.

I'm not well-versed in the pornographic arts*, but J.B. doesn't strike me as leading man material.**

Whatever, there are worse ways to go through high school, I'd think. As for the Ryder Cup, Holmes' first, he won't have to worry about being the biggest wanker on the property. That job's been filled for months now.

* College roommate might disagree; duly noted.
** Ron Jeremy = exception, not rule.

Chris Berman is still not on the property at Augusta National. I have yet to hear anybody complain. To echo my thoughts from last month: I'd say (no Berman at The Masters is a) victory for democracy and a blow to chubby, narcissistic windbags.

Perhaps a bit much, but there's only so much a guy can take.

On Tuesday, the Washington Post's Leonard Shapiro questioned ESPN's claim that it was their decision to not send "Bluster" Berman to Augusta. According to ESPN executive vice president John Wildhack, Berman is too busy preparing for ESPN's NFL draft coverage. Shockingly, Shapiro was skeptical, as would anybody be who's seen Berman previously cover the NFL draft. If he actually prepares for that, then, well ... I got nothing.

On the other hand, Mike Tirico, the only ESPNer working the early-round coverage, was fully embraced by the club. Probably has something to do with being good at his job. Fancy that. Interestingly, though, Tirico says that he received no advice (read: stern warnings) about what is and isn't acceptable on-air behavior.

I blame the stuffed-shirts mafia -- the cadre of rich, old white guys who control golf and its time-honored traditions, and repudiate change of any sort, even if for the better. Or, perhaps, it was just a coincidence that CBS golf analyst, and possibly the best reason after Tiger Woods to tune in, David Feherty, was run off the road by an truck while riding his bicycle.

...Feherty broke three ribs and punctured his lung when he was hit by a truck while riding his bicycle near his home in Dallas.... Feherty said Friday he was returning from his morning bicycle ride ... when a truck hauling irrigation equipment pinched him into the curb and he was struck by the side mirror.

"He didn't want to hit the car on the left, so he ran over the cyclist on the right," Feherty said. "I don't remember a whole lot about it. There was a lady on the scene quickly, keeping me conscious. The next thing I know, I'm at Baylor Medical Center, the only hospital in the United States that doesn't have The Golf Channel."

Feherty, along with Gary McCord, offers some much-needed levity to golf telecasts, which have long been very somber affairs, boring audiences stiff for decades.

Today is just a formality for the 70 or so other players in the field because Tiger Woods is going to win the Buick Open, his first tournament of the season. And while that's what golf fans have come to expect from Eldrick, there's another interesting -- even if not nearly as amazing -- story coming out of Torrey Pines: Kevin Streelman.

Streelman led early in the week while Woods was getting reacquainted with his day job, and he played alongside Tiger and Stewart Cink in Saturday's round. But Streelman, unlike his playing partners, has never been in a Ryder Cup, or, for that matter, won a PGA Tour event.

He's a career minit-tour player who survived three rounds of Q-school last fall just to get to this point. Streelman was the third alternate heading into the Buick, and didn't find out he was in the field until a few minutes before his Thursday tee time. All he did was sprint to the first tee and get around in 67 strokes.

But the story gets better; CBS analyst Gary McCord, a former tour player who is a member at Whisper Rock in Scottsdale, Arizona, noted that he's seen Streelman around his home course. Whisper Rock is full of PGA Tour players, so that's not necessarily all that shocking, but McCord pointed out that Streelman wasn't a member; he was a caddie.

Amazing. By all accounts, Streelman sounds like a swell guy, even if he did go to Duke. And if he puts together one more solid round today, he could earn a top-10 finish, which will go a long way in helping him solidify his status on tour.

One of my favorite golf announcers, Gary McCord, is employed by CBS, but interestingly, isn't on the Augusta National grounds this week. If you follow golf, you've heard the story a million times; if you're just a casual fan, well, here's the lowdown:

McCord is noted for his outspokenness, a trait that has seen him barred from the CBS commentary team for The Masters. During the network's coverage of the 1995 Masters, he remarked that the 17th green was so fast that it seemed to be "bikini-waxed", and that "body bags" were located behind that green for players who missed their approach shots. Augusta National Golf Club ... is notoriously sensitive about how its course is described, used its influence with CBS to have him removed from the Masters commentary team.

McCord has long since put the incident behind him, and though people like me just won't let it die, he's had a good sense of humor about the whole thing.

In a 1999 GolfDigest.com interview, McCord described the public's reaction thusly: "They thought it was pretty silly. It just mirrored what they thought of the Augusta committee." And, amazingly, we found out that Tom Watson wrote a letter to Augusta saying McCord should be fired. Wow. If I could offer you a little advice Mr. Watson: Dude, relax.

Anyway, I mention this because I got a tip from a FanHouse reader about something one of the announcers allegedly said during Saturday's coverage (thanks to Awful Announcing, we find out David Feherty was the perp):

"Playing this course is like being tortured by a beautiful woman."

Not exactly bikini wax/body bag stuff, but frankly, I didn't think McCord's comments were all that bad to start with. So, if Feherty goes missing during today's coverage, you'll know the Augusta Mafia got to him.

This truly is a tradition unlike any other.