FanHouse Gene Chizik

The Big 12 North remains a ways from returning to the prominence it enjoyed when the conference first formed in the late 1990s, but if Saturday's matchup between Kansas State and Nebraska for the division title is any indication then better days are certainly on the horizon.

After years of struggles by the Kansas State Wildcats and the Nebraska Cornhuskers, which have coincided with a dip in the North's strength, the two meet Saturday in Lincoln for a winner-take-all showdown. Neither team has had quite the season it anticipated but each has won enough for the right to play for the Big 12 championship, likely against No. 2 Texas, Dec. 5.

"Certainly we've been in this position before, probably in different ways," said veteran Wildcats coach Bill Snyder, who broke out of a three-year retirement to return to the sidelines this season. "By the same token, I can't remember other than the very early years that playing against the Nebraska teams was not a great challenge and certainly key ball games were after those initial years after they beat us so soundly."

Money, it's been said, can't buy you happiness. It also can't guarantee a Top 25 football team either.

There are at least 31 head coaches in the BCS ranks that will earn more than $1.8 million this season, according to a salary study conducted by USA Today.

Of the nation's 31 highest-paid head college football coaches in America, only nine are currently coaching teams in this week's Associated Press Top 25 poll. That leaves 22 of the nation's 31 highest-paid coaches outside the AP Top 25.

Of those 22 coaches, five have a losing record this season -- Florida State's Bobby Bowden (4-5), Wake Forest's Jim Grobe (4-6), Virginia's Al Groh (3-6), Washington's Steve Sarkisan (3-6) and Maryland's Ralph Friedgen (2-7) -- and another is at .500 -- Michigan State's Mark Dantonio (5-5).

Four of the 22 coaches are in the cellar in their respective conferences -- Missouri's Gary Pinkel and Kansas' Mark Mangino (each tied for last in the Big 12 North), Michigan's Rich Rodriguez (tied for last in the Big 10) and Friedgen (tied for last in the ACC Atlantic).

Here's the top lesson from Saturday: If you're a major program, never schedule a game you can lose as your season opener. Period. This should be a rule. Why? Because we fans sit around for nine months waiting for the college football season to return, and then, in one sixty minute game, the entire season is ruined. It's just not worth it. You roll out of bed the next morning and effectively the wildest dreams of the offseason, that your team could run the table and contend for a national championship, is over.

Ask Georgia fans what they feel like this morning. Ask Tennessee fans what the last two years prior to this season felt like losing the first game of the season in California. Losing the opening game counts as two losses, it makes you feel like complete crap. And don't even get me started with how good you feel if you win an opening game. You're a liar. You don't feel good, you just feel relieved. Nothing has changed about your season if you win a big opening game. You just get to dream for one week more. On to the ClayNation Starting 11.

It's not like Auburn will be in a super hurry to name a starting quarterback when preseason practice opens Wednesday night. However, first-year head coach Gene Chizik certainly wouldn't mind if one of his five contenders emerged quickly.

The quarterback slot is far from the only lingering question, but it has been the most talked about on the Alabama Plains the past few months.

"Our quarterback situation is unique," Chizik said. "There's a unique dynamic there. There's some older guys with experience. Then all of a sudden, you have some young guys coming in on campus. We would like to get that situation resolved.

"How long that will take, we don't know."

The college football season is fast approaching, with many fall camps set to open this week. Thus it's time to lay aside our interregional bickering and turn our thoughts to, you know, what might actually happen on the field.

The big question in the Big Ten this season is whether Penn State's conference championship was just a momentary burp in the conference's Buckeye-dominated food chain, or whether things might actually be shifting just a bit in the conference. Do the Buckeyes claim the title again? Will the Nittany Lions defend last year's crown and make a run at the national title? Will there be some giant, world-rocking surprise team that comes in and knocks them both out of the BCS?

Make the jump and all shall be revealed.

Wednesday, the annual circus known as the SEC Media Days kicks off in Birmingham, Ala. As college football has become a year-round sport, the three media days down in Birmingham have become the official launch date for SEC football fans, a time when our region's football obsession officially begins anew. Even if, you know, it never actually dies. Last season then-Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer arrived and was immediately served with a subpoena in a lawsuit brought by my favorite people on Earth: disassociated Alabama boosters. Getting disassociated from the Alabama football program is like being the only guy in a prison who no one will share a table with.

This season, 25 radio stations will be broadcasting live from inside the event, and over 800 members of the media have been credentialed. It's like Woodstock for people who use the word, goll-durn. And we'll be there for the ride. Goll-durn.

From the "Totally Freaking Obvious" department: Florida Gators coach Urban Meyer, who has won two national championships in the past three seasons, told golfers at a Gainesville benefit tournament, "I'm not going to Notre Dame. Ever. I'm going to be the coach at Florida for a long time, as long as they want me."

In other news, gravity remains in effect and forks are still useful.

It's come to this, Alabama fans are tailgating outside of a new play based on Bear Bryant's life. Which is an improvement over what they would have been doing if Mike Shula was still coach, lighting themselves on fire with their red and white pom-pons in the parking lot. The play, entitled Bear Country, will be playing at Birmingham's Shakespeare Festival from August 6-20. It's already debuted to rave reviews and sellouts in Montgomery, Ala. In honor of the Bear, I decided that nothing would make more sense than a play about four fans tailgating before Bear's play begins. So here goes.

Characters:

Dale -- A 45-year old owner of an auto-body repair shop who fixes cars while wearing a houndstooth cap. His first child was named Bear, his second was named Bryant. He is now divorced.

First-year Iowa State football coach Paul Rhoads is definitely trying to drum up support for his program anyway he can.

Rhoads has joined a recent trend of football coaches across the country, jumping aboard a tour bus and coming face-to-face with the Cyclones faithful in Iowa. In scenes reminiscent of our nation's latest presidential campaign, Rhoads is shaking hands, kissing babies and making big promises during his city-to-city Tailgate Tour.

Auburn's new coach Gene Chizik has remained under the radar thus far. Fortunately here at the ClayNation column we became aware that each new coach has to stand up and introduce himself to the other SEC coaches at the annual coaches meeting.

Fortunately we were able to capture the entirety of this fabricated introduction. And now we can fabricate it for your enjoyment today. Meet Gene Chizik. Already his introductory speech is being called the Gettysburg Address of Auburn football.