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NEW YORK -- The Yankees partied into Monday's wee hours in "American League Champion" T-shirts.

Then they should have burned the shirts.

The franchise's 40th pennant, the AL East title, the 110 wins this year -- all are as worthless as one of those T-shirts if the Yankees don't win four more games.

Such is life in pinstripes.

The man George Steinbrenner once called a "fat toad" is attempting a comeback. Seriously. Hideki Irabu, who turns 40 in less than a month and hasn't pitched in the majors since 2002, is trying to make a comeback to baseball, with his ultimate goal being reportedly a "high level, like MLB or NPB (Nippon Professional Baseball -- Japan's highest league)."

Apparently he's grounded enough to know that he'll have to start in a United States' independent league, but this can't be serious. The guy was a colossal disappointment in the major leagues, and that was more than six years ago. His career ERA was 5.15.

I almost feel sorry for the place. It isn't the fault of the new Yankee Stadium, with its $1.5 billion price tag and $2,625 top ticket and sizzling party scene and ThinkPad computer in every clubhouse locker, that construction was completed amid the worst economic climate since the Great Depression. In another era, we'd be hailing it as appointment architecture, the most magnificent sports facility ever built, a shiver-worthy replica of the original that whisks us forward with every possible amenity, technological advancement and concession item, including tofu, calamari, edamame (edamame?) and taralli.

"We tried to reflect a five-star hotel and put a ball field in the middle of it," said Yankees executive Lonn Trost, whose description pretty much nails it.

The Redskins made the big early splash in this year's free-agent market, inking DT Albert Haynesworth to a seven-year, $100 million contract ($41 million guaranteed). But this latest from Terry McCormick of the Nashville City Paper makes you wonder if Washington needed to pay Hayneworth even half that much:

"Tennessee's final offer to Haynesworth, according to a league source, amounted to a four-year package worth $34 million total, with about $20 million in guarantees, The City Paper learned."

Can't imagine ol' Albert had to think too long about that one.

NEW YORK -- Joe Torre's name is on the book, but it's a fair estimate not even one-fourth of the words are actually his. He says he's read it six times, perusing line for line, scanning chapters for quotes or anecdotes that have caused so much fuss. It is clear the New York Yankees, Torre's former employer, aren't pleased with the book -- Torre's book -- and there is a decent chance their relationship is forever stained.

And yet, here is Torre, calmly navigating another hot-stove controversy the way he did for 12 always memorable, sometimes controversial seasons as manager of the Yankees. Taking refuge from a snowstorm building steam outside, Torre brushes a few icy flakes from his shoulder and tells me he "wouldn't change a thing."

Dodgers manager Joe Torre isn't pulling any punches in a new book about his time in the Yankee dugout. According to the New York Post, Torre's book, entitled The Yankee Years, features the normally placid Torre ripping his former players, team executives, and even the team doctors.

Torre claims that when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1999, the team doctors told George Steinbrenner about the illness before telling Torre himself. He also alleges that general manager Brian Cashman never told his bosses that Torre wanted a two-year extension after the 2007 season and sat quietly while Torre and the team's executives met before his departure. Torre was previously open about his disgust with team executives, but had no ill words for Cashman until now.

He saves his most damning words for Alex Rodriguez, however.

For better or worse, this is Jim Rice's moment in the sun. The former Red Sox outfielder was elected to the Hall of Fame in his final try last week, and now everyone wants to hear what he has to say about anything and everything, no matter how misguided it is.

Enter intrepid Newsday reporter David Lennon, who asked Rice about failing to win a World Series during his playing career and got an answer that seems both faulty and unbecoming of a guy about to be enshrined in Cooperstown.

The Yankees made official today what baseball fans have come to realize over the last 18 months: George Steinbrenner is no longer running the show. Instead, he officially passed the baton to his son, Hal Steinbrenner, who received unanimous approval in a vote by the rest of MLB's owner. Don't expect much upheaval, though; Hal readily admits the only thing this changes is the title on his business card:

"Really, for the last two years I have been intimately involved with all aspects and all departments of the company. It's what I've been doing day-to-day. My duties aren't really going to change and my workload isn't going to change much. So, I mean, it's as much a procedural thing within the family, I think, as anything at this point."

Hal and his older brother Hank were named co-chairmen of the team last April, but even though Hank has made a habit of putting himself in front of more microphones, the consensus among those who know such things has been all along that Hal has been the one running the show. That said, it has to be reassuring for Yankees fans to know the hierarchy is finally etched in stone.

Unlike his volatile brother, Hal plays things close to the vest and seems capable of making level-headed decisions without second-guessing his manager, toeing the line between praise and tampering or being insulted when small-market teams dare play hard. The media will almost certainly continue to gravitate toward Hank looking for his next crazy soundbite, but rest assured that the man who's really behind the curtain is completely sane.

You know what I'm enjoying? A Yankees-free postseason. The last time that happened I was fourteen years old. You know who was good back then? Freaking Paul Molitor. God forsaken Mark Langston was good back then. We had to churn our butter by hand. I feel like I'm living in Tomorrowland, now. Like the people mover is going to slowly roll me toward a happier America where Tampa has a sports team and Manny Ramirez is more than a Rated Rookie.

Oh well, no matter what the future holds, at least we'll have that fat-headed gentleman to the right, am I right guys? Guys?

Tonight's Dugout (OF TOMORROW!) is after the jump.

Another day, another fun story from the New York Daily News about just how sleazy getting a ballpark built in New York can be. The other day, the Yankees were accused of lobbying a Congressman to pressure the IRS at the team's benefit. That was naughty enough. But today, New York Assemblyman Richard Brodsky is alleging the Yankees have cheated the rules at every step to secure as much public financing as possible for the new Yankee Stadium. That's not very nice, either:

The new Yankee stadium got up to $850 million in taxpayer investments but will create just 15 permanent jobs, a scathing new report charges. The city "manipulated" the assessed value of the stadium to meet the need for an IRS tax exemption. The city appraised the value of the new stadium land at $21 million, but told the IRS it was worth $204 million. [...] "Sworn commitments" to the IRS and the National Park Service were not kept. [...] The Industrial Development Agency and the mayor's office "secretly" acquired a luxury suite.

And so on and so forth. Perhaps the most damaging -- and least accurate, if you believe a Yankees spokesperson -- is that the new stadium is merely providing 15 new jobs to the community. At a cost of $850 million in taxpayer funds, that's a really, really ugly number. If it's true.

The takeaway here is not that the Yankees are evil. It's that achieving anything this large in New York, with this much public money at stake, is incredibly dirty business. Well, gee whiz. Who knew?