FanHouse Greenies

I'm sure even after all these years, Jim Bouton, former big leaguer and author of the iconic Ball Four, isn't a voice that Major League Baseball wants to hear. But, that's never stopped him before, so let's take a few seconds to consider his opinion about MLB's performance-enhancing drug crisis. In a recent interview with Kevin Hayward on the blog All on the Field, Bouton made the distinction between "greenies" and some of the PEDs used by players today:

But you have to distinguish greenies -- the peptos as they were called -- from steroids. Greenies only allowed you to play up to your ability. If you didn't get a good night's sleep, or you had a hangover, it would allow you to play up to your ability, or at least some players thought that. It did not create a different human being. It did not change your physical makeup. It did not allow you to play beyond your ability, your normal ability as steroids do and as Human Growth Hormone does.

I'm not sure I completely believe the "only play up to your ability" argument. So they help the guy who's hungover and tired; is he saying they have no effect at all on someone who got a good night's sleep? Or do they increase concentration across the board? I've never used them so I don't know, but I suspect it's the latter. Bouton also has a suggestion for how we should view some of the records that have fallen recently (after the jump).

The Tigers may be within a game of the Indians in the AL Central, but their season just ended this morning. Neifi Perez has been suspended 25 games by MLB for testing positive for an illegal stimulant.

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball announced on Friday that infielder Neifi Perez of the Detroit Tigers has been suspended 25 games, effective immediately, for testing positive for a banned Stimulant in violation of Major League Baseball's Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.

MLB didn't say what stimulant Perez tested positive for, but I'm guessing it wasn't Red Bull or coffee. He'll also get to tell his grandchildren someday that he was the first Major Leaguer to be suspended under baseball's new program.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say it was greenies that Perez was busted using. Also, the suspension means that it's the second time Perez tested positive. Under the program, a first positive test does not trigger a suspension and is kept quiet. The player is then tested randomly, up to six times, over the next 12 months. If the player tests positive again, then he's suspended for 25 games.

I'm sure this comes as a shock to nobody. Just looking at Perez and his .172 average, home run, and 6 RBI this season lets you know that he has to have been doing something to gain an unfair advantage.

It's like week of the clubhouse attendant in baseball. First we had a former Mets employee, Kirk J. Radomski, admit to distributing HGH and other steroids. And now, we have former Dodgers clubhouse attendant Dave Dickenson tell Bill Plaschke in the LA Times about all the dirty clubhouse affairs to which he used to attend.

When the star Dodger routinely showed up for day games still drunk from the previous night, the clubhouse guy knew his role.
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Dickenson said he would pour a cup of beer and place it in the dugout bathroom. The star player would sneak there between innings for a drink, and continue drinking throughout the game.
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He said he never saw a steroid at Dodger Stadium. However, he did say that before baseball's amphetamine ban, he would commonly vacuum "greenies" off the floor after games.
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Dickenson said that when a player was attracted to women in the stands during the games, he would be ordered to bring those women the player's phone numbers.

Bones (Dickenson's nickname) said he would do anything to keep the players happy, including what's listed above. Some of the additional duties mentioned in the article were washing cars, doing laundry for player's families, breaking up fights, and entertaining player's children.

Having actually worked with the Dodgers during the 2004 season, I was partially acquainted with Bones. He was quiet, well-liked by the players, and seemed to keep most of the business to himself. Unfortunately Bones was fired by the team last year, and most likely used the interview as a way to get back at the Dodgers for what he feels was an undeserved termination. Bones was told he was fired because he was getting too close to the players. However, the article raises speculation that Dickenson was fired for insulting one of the McCourt's children (Frank and Jamie McCourt own the Dodgers). Whatever the case, Bones' stories have opened a window into the uglier side of baseball clubhouses and they prove that sometimes the people you think least about, are privy to information you never want revealed.

Previously at FanHouse:
Better Know a Steroid Dealer: Kirk J. Radomski
From the Archive: Mets Locker Room Home to Steroids, Too