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Cincinnati Bengals: Keep Carson Upright

Because the NFL season never ends, we present our 2009 Offseason Roadmaps for front offices to navigate through the summer.

It could be argued that the Cincinnati Bengals did well to win four games in 2008. They were missing their star quarterback, Carson Palmer, for the majority of the season. That left the job to an overmatched Ryan Fitzpatrick, who did his best, but was saddled with a bad running game, worse offensive line and not much defense. The Bengals found a way to win three straight at the end of the season, finishing 4-11-1.

There are many areas for improvement as the Bengals make their way toward 2009 trying like crazy to avoid doing 2008 over again. Luckily, kicker is not one of those areas of need.

Emily Litella Discusses Texans Defense


Today, I don't particularly want to write about the Texans, so instead, Emily Litella will be filling in for me. To see Ms. Litella, please check out the above YouTube.

The topic I will talk about today is the Houston Texans defense. How is it that Joey Heatherton can go 23 for 29, 2 TDs and get a 121.7 quarterback rating against them? Sure, the Texans offense left Atlanta with short fields throughout the game. And the entire team had many more penalties than the Falcons. And sure Joey Heatherton has been playing better at home. She would have had more passing yards but she was protecting the lead by the end of the game.

But if Texans cornerback DeMarcus Faggins is getting abused by Joey Heatherton, who can Faggins play against? He got replaced by nickle back Jamar Fletcher. Heatherton played the same sort of game she played against Carolina, so it wasn't unexpected. You have to make her uncomfortable in the pocket, and the Texans played a very vanilla defense for the first part of the game.

For the Texans defense, Dunta Robinson and DeMeco Ryans both played well. And Amobi Okoye got another sack to get four sacks in three games.

But even with these nice performances wasted, there is no way that you can let Joey Heatherton continue to drive the ball down the field. She's a great singer, dancer and entertainer, but she shouldn't beat you with her quarterbacking skills because she has to be in her 60s.

Wait. You say it was Joey Harrington not Joey Heatherton? Oh that's different. Nevermind.

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