FanHouse JessicaAlba

She may not have a home in the MMA world right now, but Gina Carano is still blowing up in the mainstream media world, as she will be ranked inside the top 20 of Maxim's "Hot 100" list for 2009.

The news was passed along to FanHouse from Carano's agent, Matt Walker.

Context!

CBS Sports' Dennis Dodd wrote an article about USC offensive line coach Pat Ruel, discussing his itinerant career, accomplishments -- and man date with Pete Carroll before accepting the USC job.

Carroll worked all the angles. The two had been assistants together at Arkansas in 1977. USC's coach used picturesque Manhattan Beach to his advantage, taking his recruit to lunch there on a sun-splashed day.

"Pete's like a beautiful woman," Ruel said after taking the job. "The closer you get, you better look out. He is very charismatic. He can smile and make you feel like a million dollars."

I wonder who he thought of when calling Carroll a beautiful woman? Jessica Alba, perhaps? Or Halle Berry? Maybe Angelina Jolie? Maybe Cook's girl, Scarlett Johansson. Or maybe one of my favorites, Diane Lane? The world may never know.

One thing we do know, when your masculinity is set -- see: coaching offensive linemen and ownership of one awesome moustache -- you can safely get away calling your boss a beautiful woman. Just don't do it too often.

Continuing my role as NHL FanHouse's resident cinephile, here is the first trailer for the new Mike Myers comedy "The Love Guru," which has a hockey-centric plot with officially licensed references to the NHL. This film seems to play like Myers's "Austin Powers" series, what with the group dance scenes and the Verne Troyer and the immediately quotable catchphrases ("Lock it down ... break the pickle.") I laughed a few times, liked a few things -- including Romany Malco as a lovelorn NHLer getting pummeled around the rink, and Justin Timberlake's appearance as his arrogant French rival. But I'm still a little weary about building a comedy around this "Pitka" character, which seems more "Goldmember" than Wayne Campbell.

Spoiler Alert: The hockey action features the Leafs against the LA Kings, so I imagine the movie is really about Steve Stamkos.



Previously on FanHouse:

• Sexy Babe, Sexy Beast Join Mike Myers Hockey Comedy
• Timberlake to Star with Alba in Hockey Flick
• Jessica Alba: World's Hottest Hockey Owner

This is the teaser poster for the new Mike Myers comedy "The Love Guru," which is due out this summer. We've been covering its journey to a sticky-floored theater near you here on FanHouse for four reasons:

• 1. There's always the chance that this film will produce an iconic comedic figure like Austin Powers or Wayne Campbell rather than an annoying and then completely forgettable creation like "The Cat in the Hat."
• 2. Jessica Alba is in the film.
• 3. The NHL, and hockey in general, play a central role in the plot.
• 4. Jessica Alba is in the film.

The great Jeremy Smith of CHUD.com provides the details:

The Love Guru is about an American child named Pitka whose upbringing in an Indian ashram prepares him for life as one of those self-help kooks. Pitka's expertise is called upon to help resolve marital discord between Darren Roanoke, the star center of the Toronto Maple Leafs (Romany Malco), and his wife. When Roanoke's wife takes up with Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake), a rival player from the Los Angeles Kings, the Maple Leafs' star falls into a slump. The only way for the Leafs to salvage their season is for Pitka to reunite Roanoke with his wife. I'm already in stitches.

Aw, c'mon. To be fair, Romany Malco was comedy gold as Jay in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." And if Timberlake has an extended music video about giving his lady a phallic gift "In a Penalty Box," we're in business. But more than anything, this film could be the tip of the iceberg for the NHL's takeover of Hollywood. More on that, and a larger "Guru" poster image, after the jump.

Alright, so it's not like the Warriors' one celebrity fan, Jessica Alba, is actually dating Baron Davis. She has been a fairly close friend of the bearded one though, and has also been a fixture at Warriors' games since at least ... last season. It appears that Jessica has no loyalties where basketball is concerned, as she was spotted doing the trendy lunch thing the other day with Steve Nash in Beverly Hills.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about this, since, you know, I'm into the Warriors about as much as I am the crap movies that Jessica Alba has been in. But after basically making her the Jack Nicholson of the team during last year's playoffs, I'm sure Warriors Nation will be crushed by this.

And what about poor Baron Davis? This just hasn't been his week. First the latest All-Star voting results have him in just 17th-place overall in the West, and now this? Baron should know better growing up in L.A.; every guy there knows that actresses are bad, and to stay as far away as possible, because they'll only end up breaking your heart. Well, lesson learned I guess.

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It's not quite as rad as the guerilla sighting from last year's playoffs, but it's still the exquisite Miss Alba near the front of the stands. What a welcome relief from Eva Longoria--who is officially a distraction from the game, not a reason to forget about basketball.

(Hat tip: Dime)Sorry, No Photos

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing matchups

Milwaukee Brewers (62-58) vs. St. Louis Cardinals (57-60)-2:05PM Est.

Do teams feel as though there's some sort of curse that goes along with winning the NL Central or something? Doesn't anybody want to go to the playoffs, or are there vacations planned that just cannot be broken? I mean, winning the division last season seemed to work out pretty well for the Cardinals. Sure, they only won 83 games during the regular season, but the slate's wiped clean in the postseason. Now the Cardinals find themselves three games under .500, yet at the moment they're the odds on favorite to win the division! A win today against the Brewers and they will have completed a three-game sweep of the division "leaders" to pull within 2.5 games of first place. Dave Bush will be responsible for trying to slow down the streaking Cardinals, and though he'll still have Prince Fielder supporting him, I don't know that the big man can do it all himself. The Brewers have won 11 of Bush's last 14 starts, but it's his last three starts that are troubling. He's 0-3 with a 7.18 ERA over that span, and is giving up the long ball at an alarming rate. Adam Wainwright goes for St. Louis, and it's his first career start against Milwaukee.

I was listening to The Adam Carolla Show this morning and they had a guest on from a gossip website called L.A. Rag Mag. Far be it from me to judge the credibility of the site; all I know is that Carolla had them on, so they must be somewhat legit (or entertaining at the least). Well, their latest report certainly has a strong charge -- that Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes:

Jessica Alba (before she was Jessica Alba) used to date Derek Jeter, the serial celebrity dater, who plays for the NY Yankees. Well, our source worked for Cash Warren, her ex, and had to refill her Valtrex prescription for her on a regular basis! Guess who she got it from...that's right...dirty Derek Jeter.

You know what this means don't YOU?!! All of his other famous relationships could have contracted the STD TOO! Derek's most famous sexual conquest include Mariah Carey, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Minnillo and most recently Jessica Biel. Which means JT could have it AAAHHH!!

Perhaps this is the wrong attitude, but I've always been of the accepting mindset for STDs -- at least it means you're getting some, right? And by the way, if this is at all true, anything you can get from having relationships with Mariah Carey, Jessica Biel, and Jessica Alba, I'm all for. Sign me up.
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When I heard that Jessica Alba would be portraying the owner of a hockey team in an upcoming film, my first thought was that some studio finally had the good sense to option my script, "Trouble Bruin: The Jeremy M. Jacobs Story"; I mean, they're practically lookalikes.

Alas, it seems Ms. Alba has actually been hired for "The Love Guru," a movie that will introduce the next Mike Myers character that your annoying friends will quote incessantly until you literally beg them to go back to saying "Do I make you horny, baby?" in a faux British accent. According to Michael Fleming in Variety, Myers has tapped Alba (he should be so lucky), "Blades of Glory" actor Romany Malco and his "Austin Powers" buddy Verne Troyer as his co-stars for a film set to be released in June 2008:

In his first new character creation since Austin Powers, Myers plays Pitka, an American who was left at the gates of an ashram in India as a child and raised by gurus. After moving back to the U.S., he attempts to settle a rift between a hockey player (Malco) and his wife, who begins scoring with the star player of a rival team. Alba plays the hockey team owner and Troyer the team coach. Pitka's job is to check that illicit romance and reunite the couple so the star player can lead his team to the championship.

Mini-Me as a hockey coach? Suddenly, Jessica Alba as a team owner isn't the biggest suspension of disbelief in the film anymore.

While Variety doesn't mention any specific teams, it should be noted that Myers gave RottenTomatoes.com some interesting specifics back in May: "The Love Guru is a Canadian kid who was left in India, raised in an ashram, becomes a guru and has to help a star player of the Toronto Maple Leafs who's gone off the rails, get it together to win the Stanley Cup."

I don't know about you, but seeing Jessica Alba staring down at me from the owner's box would certainly help ease the pain of 40 years without a Cup.

"You're one year older than me. I like mature, older guys."
~ Actress Jessica Alba to NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne

Kasey Kahne has a new fan: her curvy hotness Jessica Alba.

I don't suppose I need to tell you that the rebellious actress was at the Coca-Cola 600 today promoting her upcoming film "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer," in person and on the hood of Elliott Sadler's #38 #19 Fantasticar Dodge Charger.

Unlike her character, the Invisible Woman, Alba was anything but around the track today. She "turned more heads walking through the garage than Dale Earnhardt Jr."