FanHouse JessicaSimpson

Bars -- even ones named "Have a Nice Day Cafe" -- are required to keep certain hours, based on state-to-state laws. You really don't want to try and bribe them to stay open longer, because if they get caught, they'll be shut down. So, really, there's little-to-no interest for them in staying open late, unless the financial compensation exceeds what they make over the course of several years.

Which would probably explain why Anthony Spencer failed in his attempt to keep the Indianapolis HANDC open after hours.

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning will get to enjoy a bye for the first week of the NFL postseason. His brother, Peyton, will lead his Colts into San Diego to take on the Chargers this Saturday night.

So, during a conference call, Eli was asked if he was going to San Diego to watch Peyton's game:

"No, no, no plans," Manning said. As an afterthought, Manning added: "My plans to Cabo fell through, so I am going to sit here. That is a joke, by the way."

That, obviously, is a jab at Tony Romo's vacation to Cabo during last year's playoffs. The Dallas Cowboys had the No. 1 seed in the NFC last year and an off week, just as the Giants do this year. Romo spent his off week in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with Jessica Simpson and her family. Romo's Cowboys would go on to lose to Eli's Giants the very next week.

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

Denver (5-4) at Atlanta (6-3): It isn't a coincidence that the two breakout teams this season have a ton of similarities, mostly with quarterback. In the five wins for Denver, Jay Cutler has had passer ratings of 93.3, 96.1, 107.9, 109.6 and 137.5. In the Falcons' six wins, Matt Ryan has racked up ratings of 94.1, 116.1, 120.6, 134, 137, and 138.4. On the flip side, in all seven of the combined losses with these two, neither quarterback had a rating higher than 77.8. Why did I clutter your screen with all these numbers? To tell you that for either of these teams to win, their young passer has to have a great game. I'm picking the Falcons because it is a lot easier to free up the air attack with Michael Turner as your running back compared to a dude that enjoys stealing luggage.

Pick: Atlanta

Feb. 26 UPDATE: USMagazine.com is reporting that Patriots QB Tom Brady married Gisele Bundchen at the St. Monica Catholic Church in Santa Monica, Calif., on Thursday. "She's definitely 'The One," a source told US Weekly. "She really makes him comfortable and just happy."

Not to be outdone by Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and his C-list singer/"actress" girlfriend Jessica Simpson, word on the street is that Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen are gettin' hitched! What a time to be a celebrity gossip whore!


According to the Chicago Sun-Times' Bill Zwecker, who knows people: "...a close friend of the supermodel tells me, 'I don't think they will even bother getting engaged -- and will just slip off and marry quietly. But I think that's sooner rather than later.'"

I have this vision of Tony Romo spending his time away from football explaining the nuances of everyday life to his moderately famous girlfriend Jessica Simpson. How to distinguish chicken from fish, or why buffalo wings aren't really made from buffalo meat. You know, the important stuff.

You'd think Romo would look forward to work to get a break from all the absurdity and, well, you'd think wrong. To his teammate's credit, most can spot identify fish without much prompting, but Jason Witten and Terrell Owens can both be extraordinary nags in the huddle, particularly if passes aren't coming their way.

"He'll tell me sometimes, 'Just relax,'" said Witten, who rooms with Romo on the road and hangs out with him often. "Sometimes Terrell says something and he'll just shake his head and he won't say anything. He takes it under the chin a little bit between all of us sometimes. But he'll let me know, 'If you get open, maybe you'll get that ball.'"

Good advice, all of it. I suppose Romo could tell T.O. to shut his pie hole, but the last time a Pro Bowl quarterback tried that, Owens became a monumental distraction and ended up doing topless sit-ups in his driveway. Nobody wants that.

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

Tennessee at Cincinnati: Well if this isn't the best matchup of crazy stories so far in the short NFL season I don't know what is. So far we've had a Bengals squad that showed next to zero life against the Ravens hosting a Titans team that upset the Jaguars last week. With Vince Young out two-to-four weeks, Kerry Collins will be the guy burdened with handing off to one of the hottest rookie running backs in the league, Chris Johnson (93 yards on the ground, 34 in the air with a TD). Hey, at least the Bengals announcers have learned they don't have to touch up on their Spanish!

Prediction: Titans

Green Bay at Detroit: Hey everyone, it's the Matt Millen Amusement Park Ride! Climb aboard, but we should tell you, the harness might fail and the ride hasn't been properly greased for eight years. No worries, the experience will most likely either start off strong and fail at the end, or not even get out of the gate. Yeah, tickets are high and the experience might stink, but if you don't get on the ride, you don't get to see the end result. Guys? Hey guys, where are you going?

Prediction: Packers

Jessica Simpson was on David Letterman last night, and Letterman started the interview by asking about Simpson's relationship with Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo:

Simpson, sometimes known as "Yoko Romo" because some Cowboys fans think she's bad luck and a distraction to Romo, defended her presence at Cowboys games.

"I don't believe that I was a jinx, but everybody is being so paranoid about those superstitions," Simpson said.

They then turned to the players' equipment, and Simpson brought something a bit odd up: "I don't think they wear cups," Simpson said of NFL players. "Do you know about that? I know they were a jock strap, but that's not a cup, is it?"

Letterman said he's pretty sure NFL players do wear cups, but after the commercial break, Letterman said he checked and acknowledged that he was wrong and Simpson was right: Many NFL players don't wear cups on the field.

Part two of the interview is after the jump.

Hi, guys! I have a very important announcement to make...

Jessica Simpson is not universally regarded as "smart". Maybe she is, maybe she's not. It doesn't matter because public perception has already been determined. Oh, and she's rich and attractive, so, yeah, I'll stop now before I make it sound like intelligence in women doesn't matter.

Anywho, the point being, she's such a fabulous reader of words and stuff that it appears she may have, according to many, many reliable sources (via SbB) misread a pregnancy test. Normally not a huge deal. Unless you go running to your boyfriend's parents to tell them. Ruh-roh.

"There was a huge fight on July 18 at the Romo home. Jessica and Tony thought she was pregnant and happily announced it to the family," a source told the National Enquirer.

"The news resulted in dead silence. Then Tony's dad Ramiro said, 'You're not married. This is crazy!' Tony's mom Joan joined in, demanding, 'How can you do this to us?'"

Well, no kidding. He's already rich and famous and set for life. If this happened at my house, my dad and I would exchange high fives followed by my mom fist-clenching and saying just under her breath "Grandkids!"

Not really. I wouldn't actually expect that. And I have no idea what Tony and Jess were expecting either; sprinting home to drop the news of a wedlock-ridden celebrity kid isn't usually the greatest move you can make. Next time I would recommend something a little more calm and practical. Like taking another pregnancy test.

If you are a Dallas lover or hater, you have to read the D Magazine interview with Jerral Wayne Jones, aka Jerry Jones, owner of the Cowboys.

He answers just about every question you would want to ask Jones except his views on plastic surgery. Highpoints include a discussion of the firing of long time coach Tom Landry, his business background and growing the Cowboys, criticism of ticket pricing at the stadium, creating a succession plan for his children, and his philosophy on risk. It really is worth a read and is too lengthy to properly summarize.

He was even asked about whether quarterback Tony Romo's relationship with Jessica Simpson bothered him:

Awww. At Country Thunder USA (a music festival in Wisconsin), Jessica Simpson announced to a crowd of thousands that she has written a song for boyfriend Tony Romo. She then sang the song, called "Back In My Old Boots" (Hat tip: CowboysBlog).

"This is my first time being onstage in three years. Coming out tonight makes me extremely emotional, I'm so thankful for all of the personal struggles and all of the tabloids and all of the people that talk s---," she continued, choking back tears. "I'm so happy I went through that because it makes life so much more beautiful."

And from Glamour magazine:

"He's a motivational speaker. Because he's a quarterback, a leader. He keeps his team focused. What he's done for me is irreplaceable. I wrote a song for him called "Back in My Old Boots." I feel like I'm walking back in my old boots. Jessica Simpson didn't lose herself along the way. He reintroduced me to myself. I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date. [I thought] I had to be more intellectual. Come on--just be yourself! Tony taught me that because he loves me [as me]. He made me feel comfortable [being myself] again."

I think everyone caught that "[I thought] I had to be more intellectual. Come on -- just be yourself" line.

I just hope this works out better than the time she wrote a song for (now ex) husband Nick Lachey.