FanHouse JoseLima

The improbable comeback to end all improbable comebacks took a step forward Monday when Hideki Irabu signed a contract with the Long Beach Armada of the independent Golden Baseball League. The press release from the Armada calls him the greatest power pitcher in Japanese professional history, and takes special care to note the two World Series rings he won as a member of the Yankees.

Irabu was indeed a member of the Yankees in both 1998 and 1999, but you'll be forgiven if you don't remember his contributions to that epic run. Irabu pitched in one game of the 1999 American League Championship Series, relieving Roger Clemens after the Rocket got thrashed in his postseason return to Fenway Park.

Jose Lima hasn't actually pitched in the major leagues since 2006, but that doesn't mean his career is over, In fact, today the Long Beach Armada of the Golden Baseball League announced that Lima will spend 2009 with them in the independent minor league. Last year, he pitched in a minor league in Korea and the year before that, in Mexico.

It's hard to imagine anyone with a wilder career than Lima. In 1999, he won 21 games and finished fourth in the NL Cy Young voting. He flamed out in 2000 after the Astros' move to Minute Maid Park (then Enron Field), and since then moved to Detroit, Kansas City, Los Angeles (where he had a brief resurgence in 2004), back to Kansas City, and then to New York before his international adventures.

Underwear on the flagpole? Yeah, that would get you traded. So you try it during an early June game against Arizona, with your Dodgers ten games out in the division.

As Jose Lima is singing the anthem, the crowd is looking towards where Old Glory used to be, but in its place are a pair of boxers with a happy face on the front and "Wednesday" stitched on the back. The crowd roars while the Dodger dugout is trying to contain its laughter.

After the game, you expect a steamed Colletti to barge into the office to tell you to pack your bags. Instead, he's giving his take on the situation to the local media (and to TMZ.com):

"This just shows that Manny is always thinking of ways to bring the lockerroom together, and that's why we gave him the money we did. I think this is the kind of thing that can bring a team together and create camaraderie in tough times like this. I think that this will have a very positive impact down the road. Now all I have to do is trade for Casey Blake again and we're solid."

Your plan is foiled.

THE END.

(Not sure how you got here? Start Choose Your Own Adventure: Manny Being Choosey in Free Agency from the beginning.)

The Cubs haven't won the World Series in 100 years. You may have heard this a few times already in 2008. And if you haven't yet, you will probably grow tired of hearing about it three innings into their first playoff game against the Dodgers.

The Cubs haven't even been to the Fall Classic since 1945, but there is a growing feeling on the North Side that at least one of those droughts will end this year.

Now we know who stands in their way. The aforementioned Dodgers, the Brewers and the Phillies represent major obstacles to Chicago. The funny thing about all three of those clubs is that, to varying degrees, they can all be characterized as losers too.

Oh, they aren't "lovable" like the ones in Wrigleyville. Now that the Red Sox and White Sox have won titles recently, the Cubs linger as the final franchise that's been seeking the promised land since before World War II. They'll most certainly be a sentimental favorite nationwide.

But don't let the Cubs' quest for baseball's Holy Grail blind you. They aren't the only team in the Senior Circuit with a chance to erase some frustrating history this October.

Jose Lima has had a long and distinguished career of traveling to unexpected, undisclosed locales. For example, did you know that Lima has been in Japan for a year or so? Or that, before arriving there, he played in the Mexican league? Did you even know there was a Mexican league? Me neither.

But Lima's skills are in demand stateside yet again, and he is making a glorious return. Lima Time is back:

The Liberty Division First Half Champion Camden Riversharks announced the signing of right handed pitcher Jose Lima Friday. Lima, 35, has 13 years of major league service time dating back to his debut in 1994.

Lima pitched well for the Kia Tigers, and as Ape at Deadspin notes, could straggle his way on to a Major League Roster any day now. That's the dream, anyway. For now, Camden, New Jersey, will house the dreams of Lima. Unfortunately, Camden is where dreams go to die. Whoops.

Hahaha, nice package, Jose.

When Jim Thome finally retires, The Dugout (if we're still doing it by then, hopefully getting paid 20 grand a Dugout by Time Magazine) will surely give him an emotionally poignant farewell. When Kyle Farnsworth is sent down to the minors in a couple of years for being bad at baseball we will follow him down and eventually to his grave, but he will get what he deserves from us for being so damned entertaining.

It's those secondary characters that worry me. Like, what am I supposed to do when Brandon Duckworth retires? I got my first taste of that this week when Jose Lima was unceremoniously dropped by the Kia Tigers after winning no games, giving up 280 home runs, and accidentally flooding entire sections of South Korea by goofing off when he was supposed to be watching the damn.

How do you celebrate the loss of a legend? By throwing him into a movie about Korea, because honestly, does he deserve more? Jose Lima says goodbye (and probably "bap") after the jump.

International Pastime looks at baseball's influence outside the U.S.

Jose Lima can be thankful for many things. He's blessed with an ample-bosomed wife, a wonderful voice, genital herpes and, every now and then, a right arm that can retire hitters with great effectiveness. The last of those times was in 2004, though, which is why Lima found himself signing a contract to pitch for the Kia Tigers of the Korean League before this season.

Kia hoped that the addition of Lima and other major league washouts would lift them out of the cellar. No such luck. Kia's lost 11 of their first 15 and Lima's compiled a 6.23 ERA while striking out just under three batters per nine innings of work. Predictably, he was released this afternoon.

How was the news received in his new country? East Windup Chronicle does the translating.

He leaves Korea not having won a single game, as the headline on the Korean Web portal Naver gleefully reads: "Not one win gathered...Lima is Kicked Out!"

That's a fitting final nail in the coffin of a career that was always a bit longer on off-field entertainment value than on-field achievement. Let that be a lesson to the mediocre starters of the future. If you're going to give up 48 homers in a season, do it colorfully and no one will mind as much.

Going into Tuesday night's game with the Marlins, Mike Pelfrey was under an optical microscope. With each of Pelfrey's previous three starts getting progressively worse, Omar Minaya indicated that his "blue chip prospect" status wouldn't keep Pelfrey from being sent back down to the minors:

"You got to perform up here at some point or time," Minaya said bluntly. "You got to perform or else we'll go down for other options in the minor leagues."

With Orlando Hernandez on the shelf with bursitis, it seemed that Pelfrey's spot would have been a little safer. But the Mets have options in New Orleans with Jorge Sosa, Phil Humber, and Jason Vargas having good seasons in AAA. (Sosa had pitched on Sunday, but why the Mets brought up Chan Ho Park on Monday instead of Humber or Vargas is beyond me.)

Pelfrey pitched better on Tuesday against Florida so his job, which seemingly is up for debate from start to start, is safe for another start. But the Mets still lost the game, and his tenuous hold on that fifth spot may point the Mets elsewhere if he doesn't continue to improve.

Jorge Sosa appears to be the candidate du jour, especially given that the 29-year-old right-hander has major-league experience, a live arm and a sparkling 4-0 record and 1.13 ERA at the team's Triple-A affiliate in New Orleans. Another possibility includes left-hander Jason Vargas (2-2, 4.55). Right now, it doesn't look like the Mets plan to call up rookie right-hander Philip Humber (2-2, 4.15), who was the team's No. 1 pick in 2004. Minaya also said the Mets may be looking to add another arm via a trade, saying that the team is "always looking."

Said (Tom) Glavine: "It adds a little bit of craziness to the mix. You'd love nothing better than to come in here everyday and know whose pitching. ...That's not the case. If the guy you bring in here has a bad game, or a bad couple of games, yeah, there's a little bit of 'Who's pitching tonight?'"

Glavine should know ... he pitched on a team in 2006 that endured 13 starting pitchers, a list which included Jose Lima and Geremi Gonzalez. Now that was craziness.

Aaron Heilman is a reliever. His home run to Yadier Molina in Game 7 of last season's NLCS not withstanding, he's a damn fine reliever to boot. But Heilman wants to return to what got him drafted in the first place, and that's starting.

He is stuck, mired in the bullpen with no way out. And no amount of talk from the team or teammates will convince him that he wouldn't trade all of the success in the bullpen for the freedom to do what he wants.

"I can understand the argument both ways," Heilman said. "I'm not saying it's a bad argument, but there's a point when that feeling is there that you know what you want to do and you know you can succeed at it. Until I feel I can't be successful doing it, then I'm still going to feel this way. Nothing is going to change my mind until I come to a conclusion that I'm not able to be successful in that role."

He clings to the successes he had as a starter -- going 15-0 in 15 starts as a senior at Notre Dame or the complete game one-hitter he tossed with the Mets in 2005 just before he was sent to the bullpen.

The facts of the matter are these: Duaner Sanchez isn't going to be ready for the start of the season. Guillermo Mota is down for a 50 game suspension. Ambiorix Burgos is struggling out of the gate for the spring. The Mets need an eighth inning guy, a role that Heilman flourished in last year after Sanchez's season was ended in a taxi cab by Cecil Wiggins. Also, Heilman is still under the Mets control until 2010. So there really isn't anything he can do, right? If Heilman can be passed over for a starting spot by guys like Geremi Gonzalez and Jose Lima, then Aaron is going to have to poison a lot of food to be considered for a starting spot.