FanHouse Kyle Farnsworth

When asked to name the Major League Baseball player who most resembles Allen Iverson, Detroit Tiger and fellow Lynchburg, Va. alumni Brandon Inge wouldn't be at the top of the list. But here we are in September and those forearm tattoos he got back in August still haven't worn off. If the Tiger manage to make the playoffs, he should compete in a retro headband and a big arm-sized glove that makes him look like Sally Jupiter.

As the race for the AL Central heads into the home stretch, it is important to analyze these tattoos and see how they match up with the rest of the division. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Wednesday night's loss to the White Sox didn't help the Royals' playoff chances one bit. It was a sobering night for Royals fans, who now have to come to terms with the possibility that their team might not be playing baseball late into October.

This team can still make it this year, though, if they do a few things right. There's a very strong possibility that today's Dugout is after the jump.

Tony Pena already hits like a pitcher, so the Royals decided to see if he could throw like one too. That's actually not fair to pitchers, Pena hits like the kid picked last during gym who would prefer perfecting his cursive to do anything athletic.

He always flashed a fine glove at shortstop, but a career OPS+ of 44 (including a mind-boggling -32 OPS+ in 51 at bats this season) was way too much for any fielding excellence to overcome. Pena threw a bullpen session on Friday and will report to the team's Arizona facility to work as a pitcher.

Unless you're a pitcher in the American League, there's a lot of reason to like this move.

Google has rendered private detectives largely unnecessary. The video game revolution has brought tough times upon jump rope manufacturers. And now, as Lackey reports, a pair of baseball-playing robots have been built. Yes, it's only a matter of time before today's baseball players are disenfranchised for the benefit of a weird-looking arm thing that sits on a table and chucks a baseball.

More to the point, though: never, ever let bots into chat rooms. Your Dugout is after the jump.

In a ridiculous but true story we couldn't possibly make up, Kansas City Royals relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworth continued his 2009 Farewell to the Major Leagues Tour today by having to get four stitches in his left index finger after being bitten by one of his dogs. According to the report, he was bitten while trying to break up a fight between the canines, but anybody who has ever read a Dugout knows that is totally NOT what he was doing, and chances are it was something even more absurd that what you are about to read.

Sometimes Barry Bonds dresses up like Paula Abdul, sometimes Jim Thome hits a game-winning home run on Opening Day, and sometimes Kyle Farnsworth gets bitten by a dog. Thank you, God, for having a sense of humor. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

So far, The Dugout has established three relatively static "straight man" characters on the Royals: pitchers Zack Greinke, Brian Bannister, and Joakim Soria. This season, of course, they're joined by perennial Dugout man-children Kyle Farnsworth and Sidney Ponson. So we can say that the Royals have a Full House, Aces full of Jokers, and shovel this terrible poker-centric joke on top of the massive pile of poker-centric jokes that the Royals have had to suffer over the years.

Today's Dugout is after the flop.

Last Wednesday, esteemed reader Craig pointed me to a statistical pile of manure:

You realize the Royals are 7-6, but 6-1 in games that Kyle Farnsworth has not appeared in?

Entering Saturday, the Royals are now 8-2 without him. The Royals haven't been 8-2 in any context since, like, 1207. As a Royals fan and unconditional Farnsworth apologist, this is difficult for me to accept. It doesn't make sense. My guess is that they only trot Farnsworth out there because he's insufferable to be around in the bullpen. At least, that's what I've learned from spying on his chat room conversations over the last five years or so.

This evening's Dugout is after the jump.

One of the trendy picks this season has been the Kansas City Royals. It seems that for the last few years there have been people who were saying that the Royals were finally ready for primetime, but then inevitably June would come around and it was pretty obvious that Kansas City was going to have to wait another year. The reason for this has been that while the Royals have developed some nice young talent in their organization they've never had the pitching that's needed to be competitive for an entire season.

It looks like that may have changed in 2009. Anybody who watched the Royals take two out of three against the White Sox this week saw why people think this year's squad has a legitimate shot at winning a wide open AL Central division. Through three games Royals pitching made a White Sox offense that's always near the top of the AL in offense look foolish, and there's no reason to think it won't continue.

They're only one game into the season, but Royals manager Trey Hillman is already feeling the heat that comes along with raised expectations. As I'm sure you've heard about or read about already, Hillman decided to leave Kyle Farnsworth in to face Jim Thome during the eighth inning of Tuesday's season opener with two runners on and a 2-1 lead, even though he had Juan Cruz and lefty Ron Mahay warming up in the bullpen.

Well, long story short, four pitches later Thome was launching a fastball into the left-center field bleachers and giving the White Sox a 4-2 lead and an Opening Day victory. As you'd expect, a lot of Royals fans and media were wondering what the heck Hillman was thinking, and I'm not even sure he knows.

MLB Power Rankings: Where we care what you've done for us lately when we break down the who's who and the what's what in the baseball world each week.

Baseball is here. Only for three days so far, but that's enough for knee-jerk reactions and our collective excitement, certainly. Are the Yankees in trouble? Will Ken Griffey, Jr. lead the Mariners back to glory? Are the Orioles for real? Are the Braves bound for the playoffs again? Will the Marlins manage to save baseball and win the National League East? What happens when Jim Thome and Kyle Farnsworth meet in a hadron collider?

Find out the answers to these questions -- and more! -- after the jump.