FanHouse Lenny Kravitz

Alex Rodriguez has had his name besmirched in the most embarrassing ways lately. Madonna? Lenny Kravitz? Couldn't he and his wife at least find two semi-relevant entertainers to shack up with? Madonna is the best we can do? Joe DiMaggio got Marilyn Monroe, and A-Rod gets Madonna? That just ain't right.

Anyway, we haven't really heard A-Rod's side of things; his comment has been limited to "no comment." Such is A-Rod's new media technique:

"You have to take the good with the bad and not take yourself too seriously," he explained later. "I think that's the one thing that over the first four or five years [in New York], I kept knocking myself over the head, and trying to re-explain myself. If this gentleman asked me that question, I probably would've been here for three or four hours trying to explain my personal life -- and kind of made an ass out of myself, really."

In other words, A-Rod knows that no answer is good enough for the tabloid jackals, so he gives no answer at all. That it took five years for Mr. Rod to figure this out is most shocking. Derek Jeter never answers anything, dude -- why do you think so many people like him?

Also, Jeter gets with, like, Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel and God knows who else. A-Rod gets with Madonna. Sigh.

While most of us will be donning our A-Rod jerseys or Madonna masks tonight at the Airhogs game, the real life Alex Rodriguez is still going through the divorce process with his soon to be former wife Cynthia Rodriguez right now. As we're all incredibly aware, Cynthia is leaving A-Rod because of his repeated infidelity, which quite possibly includes sleeping with Madonna.

Cynthia isn't coming off completely clean here, either, as she's been accused of cheating on Alex with Lenny Kravitz. It's all pretty much insane, really, and it probably couldn't get much more ridiculous than it already is. Well, unless it turns out that Alex is an alien from the planet Quaron-4 and has been sent to this planet to break Barry Bonds' home run record and bring back all our planets muscular blondes.

Of course, that's not likely to happen, but the fact that C-Rod is now saying that A-Rod put wiretaps on her phone and has had her followed might garner your attention.

Scorned baseball wife Cynthia Rodriguez wants to know if her estranged hubby, A-Rod, had her wiretapped and secretly tailed, according to explosive new court documents.

At the end of a largely routine request for financial documents, computer records, property reports and medical bills, C-Rod dropped a legal bomb that accuses Alex Rodriguez of stealing signs.

For as much attention as the whole A-Rod/Madonna/Lenny Kravitz love triangle has received, I'm surprised that more reporters haven't stopped for a second and thought, "Hey, what if this is nothing but a huge publicity stunt?" According to Page 6, Kravitz is convinced that's exactly what it is, and he fired his manager Guy Oseary (pictured, with A-Rod) two weeks ago when he heard what was in the works:

[Cynthia Rodriguez's personal trainer Dodd] Romero called Kravitz two weeks ago to tip him off that Oseary - who managed Kravitz, Madonna and A-Rod - was about to "pimp out Madonna and A-Rod," said a source. But Kravitz didn't approve and told Romero, "I'll take care of this" - and fired Oseary.

Kravitz was shocked when he was then accused of having a fling with the slugger's wife, said the source. Romero believes Oseary planted the story in retaliation for being dumped.

Indirectly corroborating that story is this tidbit from TMZ.com, which claims that Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie decided all the way back in October to get a divorce but decided to postpone announcing it so as to generate publicity -- and cash -- for Madonna's upcoming tour.

It should be no surprise that a bunch of celebrities attended the June 29, 2006 Madonna concert in Madison Square Garden. She's the material girl. She's huge. People love her. We don't question why, we just let her keep making her money and talking in her fake British accent.

But the fact that the celebrity divorce couple of the hour -- Mr. and Mrs. A. Rod -- were in attendance is a little bizarre. And ironic, I suppose. Of course, not as bizarre or ironic as the fact that C-Rod's rumored man, Lenny Kravitz, was also there.

And all of that might sound a bit like a fictional tale of celebrity lore, were it not for the illustrious Don Chavez, who somehow has pictures of the whole thing. Does this actually mean anything? Absolutely Maybe not. But you can bet that this will be the perceived starting point for the whole alleged A-Rod - Madonna affair (and maybe the C-Rod - Kravitz business too).

The lesson, as always? Never take your celebrity spouse to a Madonna concert in New York. Been sayin' it for years.

The Alex Rodriguez divorce story was officially announced late last night, but after the Madonna fiasco and the Lenny Kravitz nonsense -- seriously, man, Lenny Kravitz -- it was a foregone conclusion. It felt like old news. The one tidbit left to examine is Cynthia Rodriguez's claim that the couple's prenup may or may not be "legal." From the divorce papers' summary bulletin:

20. ANTENUPTIAL AGREEMENT: On October 3, 2002, the parties executed a "document" titled "Antenuptial Agreement". A determination as to the validity or enforceability of the agreement requires additional investigation and discovery.

See what Cynthia's lawyer did there? Very clever. It's not a document, it's a "document." If you put it in quotes, it might not exist!

Unfortunately for Cynthia, the prenup is probably legal -- were it not, one guesses the lawyers would be far more condemning here -- and the astronomical amount of money she's likely to receive from her soon-to-be-former husband is thus nominally reduced. It's cool though, 'cause Lenny Kravitz totally banks. Love + Revolution -- marketing like that simply does not fail.

The story that will not die just gained another nine lives -- Alex Rodriguez's wife, Cynthia, is officially suing for divorce, according to both the Miami Herald and the far more reputable TMZ. (AOL! Woo!) You can probably guess the reasons for the divorce: A-Rod's "alleged" extramarital affairs, not least of which may or may not involve Madonna. Cynthia's lawyer scored the first blows:

Cynthia Rodriguez's lawyer tells TMZ, "A-Rod may be an All-Star baseball player, but he's flunked the All-Star team as far as marriage is concerned." Lilly says, "We're not gonna lose this case." He acknowledges a prenup exists but it's "too early" to decide if he'll challenge it. He says there will be a "huge settlement" in the case but "not hundreds of millions of dollars." Lilly says A-Rod's estate is "vast ... beyond what anyone knows."

Madonna will not be specifically named in the divorce papers. Lilly says infidelity is a "major cause" for the divorce, but not because of any one allegation. Rather, he says, there were a series of dalliances and "Madonna was the last straw." Lilly says Cynthia did not have an affair with Lenny Kravitz and that her relationship with him is "totally innocent and puristic."

So, to recap: A-Rod does have a prenup (phew!), but doesn't have a guarantee that he's not going to get taken for millions (doh!). Also, Cynthia says her relationship with relatively horrible pop singer Lenny Kravitz is "totally puristic." Right. So is writing about this story for money. So puristic, in fact, that I think I'll go take a cold shower.

This is the best and the worst time of year for Dugouts. The trade deadline looms and we'll get a chance to cover a lot of teams we don't normally cover. At the same time, the newsmakers of baseball start making news, and most of the time that involves a steady stream of unbelievable stories from the Yankees and the Red Sox. I want to do more Pirates Dugouts, but nobody in Pittsburgh just had their marriage broken up by a random assemblance of pop musicians. Nobody from the Pirates ran up a wall and high-fived a guy.

We've been sitting on this for a few days, waiting for the logical "oh THIS is what really happened" to come along. It just... isn't coming along. So today we attempt to handle this from an educated, even-handed perspective.

Today's Dugout, which should've just been about the Royals again, is after the jump.

Now that the Rays have the best record in baseball and just swept the Red Sox this week, everybody in the world is suddenly a Rays fan. There are actually other people besides Dick Vitale showing up at Rays games on a regular basis, and they aren't there to root for the other team. It's amazing.

Still, a sudden surge in popularity isn't always a good thing. The paparazzi start following you around everywhere, and before you know it, you're making out with Madonna while your wife is going Lenny Kravitz' way. Another downside to being popular? If you're Rays manager Joe Maddon, it's identity theft.

Maddon spent part of his morning Monday getting a new bank card after becoming a victim of identity theft.

"Somebody was charging gasoline in New York City on my debit card," Maddon said. "With the price of gas these days, I would have preferred they had gone to Tiffany's."

While police still haven't caught the perpetrator, I've decided to lend my excellent sleuthing skills to the case to help solve this caper, and put the thief behind bars. Going off of Joe's appearance, I'm guessing the culprit is one of the following three suspects: Buddy Holly, Rivers Cuomo, and Elvis Costello.

If you see any of these musicians, I advise you take proper precautions, for they are armed and extremely nerdy.

Maybe you've heard about this: Alex Rodriguez and Madonna are so totally doing it! Or maybe they're just friends. And Cynthia Rodriguez is so totally doing it with Lenny Kravitz! Or not! Who really knows? Who really cares?

Those are the rumors that have rocked the baseball/washed-up-pop-singer enthusiast demographics this week, and the rumors just went up another notch: the New York Daily News is reporting that A-Rod and Cynthia have separated after three months of problems:

Kravitz, 44, is in the middle of his "Love Revolution Tour" in Europe.

Sorry, that blockquote is out of left field, but I just want to digest that sentence for a second. "Love Revolution?" Is it OK to take two iconic 60's pop terms, combine them, and call that a tour? Was "Highway 61 Submarine" unavailable? Did Alex Rodriguez really just lose his wife to that guy?

So. Many. Questions.