FanHouse LeviJones

The now 0-15 Lions have many believing that a winless season is not only possible, but probable. This is 0for08, FanHouse's eye on the Detroit Lions and their quest for a winless season.

The Detroit Lions have been the laughingstock of the NFL this year and have nearly completed a winless season. Last year, the Miami Dolphins were the laughingstock who nearly went the entire season without a victory. If not for an overtime win over the Ravens, Miami would have been the league's first 0-16 team.

While the Lions are heading into Week 17 trying to avoid infamy, the Dolphins are looking for an AFC East title. A win over the New York Jets would put the Phins at 11-5 and make them division champs.

Miami did what the Lions are sure to do: flip the entire organization. Miami hired Bill Parcells to run the team, Tony Sparano to coach it and sprinkled in new coaches and players to execute their plan. Luck played a part as Miami, arguably, got the best end of the Brett Favre saga in the offseason. When the Jets dealt for Favre, they dumped now-Miami quarterback Chad Pennington.

During the Bengals Week 9 win over the Jaguars (their first of the season!), Jacksonville defensive tackle John Henderson tried to remove Cincy offensive lineman Andrew Whitworth's eyeballs from his skull. He didn't scrub up, ask for a melon baller ... nothing. Just started poking away.

Predictably, both players were fined for the altercation ($10,000 each), although Whitworth has a legitimate gripe: why is the punishment for eye-gouging the same as having your eyes gouged? It's a fair question.

Joey Porter is known as much for his linebacker skillz as for his gum-flapping abilities. And Sunday, after the Dolphins notched their fourth win of the season over a punchless Broncos team, Mr. Peezy used his post-game presser as an opportunity to point out that Denver wideout Brandon Marshall is, among other things, soft, mopey and a crybaby.

Well today, Marshall was able to collect himself long enough to offer this measured response:

"But [Porter's] definitely one of those guys who all those muscles are popcorn muscles. He's soft. We hear stories floating around the league all the time about him, as far as him being in nightclubs, dancing with his shirt off like a girl, or in the playground getting beat up back in California," Marshall added. "He's one of those guys that no matter how big he is, he can still get knocked on his butt. He's soft. And you can tell the way he's talking. His nickname's 'Peezy'. I don't know what 'Peezy' is, Joey."

[Licks finger, marks imaginary scoreboard]

While the offensive line might not represent a direct draft day decision for your roster, few areas of knowledge can offer a competitive advantage in fantasy football like having a good grasp of the various units of trench soldiers around the league. Over the course of a couple weeks, I'll break down every NFL team's offensive lines into five tiers: the crème de la crème, the highly competent, the serviceable, the grim, and the bunk.

It's important to note that the "grim" group is not the worst of the bunch, but rather just the 2 stars out of 5 where you give an extra star because you are friends with the production assistant. To paraphrase the words of a wise old sage, this group offensive lines is "like a slot machine, they pay off once in a while but then they'll rob you clean." If you really have faith in a skill player on one of these teams, go ahead and pull the trigger. This does not necessarily imply impending doom for all those involved, but tread gently down this path for these units are not very good.

The Chicago Bears: All you Matt Forte missionaries might want to rethink your calling. The Bears line is awful. The front office invested in first round manbeast, Chris Williams, to shore up the line with a strong left tackle, but he just went under the knife for a herniated disc in his back. If he can play, which will be half a season at best, the Bears cannot help but improve from last season. If not, things look pretty much the exact same: the worst run blocking in the NFL. Center Olin Kreutz, despite his age, remains a top player at his position. The rest of the spots would be equally well served with a roll of fiberglass insulation.

2007 Sacks Allowed: 43

2007 Yards Per Carry: 3.1

Training camps are underway, the NFL season is a month off, and to get you ready for 2008, FanHouse previews all 32 teams, "heat index" style. We'll rate each club in 10 categories on a scale of 1 to 10, high score wins.

Quarterback: If there is one constant on this team, it is Carson Palmer. Sure, Palmer didn't have his best season a year ago, but his off seasons are better than many QBs best years. In reality, other things factored into his poor season (injuries to the line, injury to Rudi Johnson, receivers pouting). The only issue here is what happens in Cincinnati if Palmer gets hurt. They have no one groomed to come in. Ryan Fitzpatrick and Jeff Rowe are in their second seasons with the team and Carson's brother, Jordan, is fighting for a spot. Heat Index: 8

Running backs: Injuries have hurt this unit in the past couple of years. Workhorse Rudi Johnson finally hit a wall; Kenny Irons blew out his knee in his first preseason game; Chris Perry has never been able to stay on the field. Well, Rudi and Perry are healthy again, with 2007 surprises Kenny Watson and DeDe Dorsey around to give the offense a different dynamic. Cincy needs this unit to get back to form to allow the entire offense to explode. Heat Index: 4

Receivers: Chad Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh are one of the best receiving combos in the NFL. T.J. tied for the lead in receptions; Chad was third in receiving yards. However, this could be the last season either is in Cincinnati. Johnson's issues with the team are well documented. T.J. is in his final contracted season. Chris Henry is finally gone and there are several guys trying to step into that #3 spot. Rookie Jerome Simpson will get a strong look, as will Andre Caldwell and Antonio Chatman. Chatman is the only one with experience and could get the nod. Heat Index: 8

In a lot of ways, Cam Cameron was set up to fail when he accepted the Dolphins head coaching job early in 2007. And fail he did. Spectacularly. Miami finished the season 1-15, owner Wayne Huizenga hired Bill Parcells to fix the mess, and Cameron soon found himself out of a job. (Happy ending, though; Cameron landed in Baltimore as the team's new offensive coordinator. And not just in name only.)

Tony Sparano was hired as Cameron's successor, and some four months into the gig he already seems to have the respect of his team, something Cameron struggled with during his short tenure. In fact, Cameron's biggest critic -- at least publicly -- Joey Porter, hearts both Sparano and Parcells.

Coach Tony Sparano said he's ''very proud'' of Joey Porter on several levels, and Porter makes one thing clear: There's no excuse if he doesn't deliver.

''I'll have a chance to silence them,'' Porter, 31, said Thursday of his critics. 'They will say, `What will be his excuse now? He cried about the defense last year.' I'm telling you, I'm honestly happy with the defense now. If I don't do what I'm supposed to, then you fire up the pistol and beat me up in the media....

Porter said he and Bill Parcells have ''a great relationship.'' Porter said he is on his best behavior: ``You want to make sure you don't rub anybody the wrong way.''

While Marvin Lewis and Chad Johnson talk over all their problems, another unhappy Bengals player reported to mandatory workouts and somehow managed to not make a spectacle of himself. Apparently, it's not as hard as Ocho Cinco makes it appear.

Left tackle Levi Jones, who asked to be traded earlier this year (presumably anywhere but Miami), not because of money, but because he had some issues with the coaching staff. (Get in line, dude.)

Now, though, it's all good. Sort of:

"That situation is what it is," Jones said when asked about his relationship with the team. "Wherever they want me, I'll jump out there." ... Lewis, who has been in contact with Jones, praised the left tackle.

"He finished the season healthy, so I would expect nothing else," said Lewis ... "They said he was setting the standard for the entire group out there. He obviously has been a big investment for us, and one we want to see healthy and playing productive football for a long time."

Hooray for progress. This must certainly make quarterback Carson Palmer very happy, although he'd probably be a lot happier if the training staff could convince Johnson to go back on his meds.

Video via Shutdown Corner

Wait. Did I just type that someone wants to be a Cincinnati Bengal? This spring, you haven't heard much of that. Chad Johnson and Levi Jones have spent the offseason begging to go somewhere else. Well, now we find someone that wants to be in the Queen City: Shaun Alexander.

Yes, Alexander is interesting in combing back to his roots and his agent said he will contact the Bengals:

"Making calls to teams. Bengals are on our list!" Jim Steiner, Alexander's agent, told The Enquirer in an e-mail Wednesday.

Alexander was born across the river in Covington and was raised in Florence, KY. He starred at Boone County High School which now sits off Shaun Alexander Way (and not too far from where I'm sitting). Since he left for college in Alabama, the locals have followed his progress with great pride ... and he still returns for various charitable causes.

But should the Bengals have any interest back? That's tough. They already have Rudi Johnson, Kenny Watson, Chris Perry and DeDe Dorsey. They used a second round pick on Kenny Irons last year, who then shredded his knee in the preseason. From a bodies standpoint, they have enough people back there.

And things continue to look up in Cincinnati. And by "look up", I mean "look bleak; very, very bleak." NFL Network's Adam Schefter is a busy little bee today, and in between chugging Red Bulls, he provides the latest out of the NFL's version of Arkham Asylum:

"We all know that Chad Johnson has requested a trade and is disgruntled, but offensive tackle, former first-round pick Levi Jones also has requested a trade from the Bengals recently, though it has nothing to do with money, in his particular case.

He is in a bit of a disagreement with the coaching staff right now so there is another issue to deal with aside from the Chad Johnson mess.

I suppose this isn't' altogether shocking because ... well, because it's Cincinnati: where NFL dreams go to die. As Rich Eisen astutely notes, if Jones is dealt, it probably won't be to the Dolphins. Just a hunch.

At this point, I expect the Bengals will open the season with Carson Palmer and Ocho Cinco on the roster and that's it. Upside: Johnson will be Palmer's primary target. Downside: history suggests two-men teams face very long odds to make it to the postseason.

But, hey, it's not about winning, it's about making a point.