FanHouse Lindsay Lohan

NEW YORK -- Over the past few years, I have been to a lot of Yankees games. They keep it interesting, but there are a few things you come to count on. The YMCA. "God Bless America" during the seventh-inning stretch. And horrendous defense by the home team. This last has become as much a constant as the first two. The Yankees, for the past several years, have been a terrible defensive team.

So imagine my own personal surprise Monday night when I learned that the Yankees, those same bumbling pinstripers who've spent the early part of the 21st century scraping the bottom of the statistical defensive rankings, had set a major-league record by going 18 games in a row without an error.

The Yankees? Setting a record for defense? That's like LeBron James setting some kind of handshake record. Or Lindsay Lohan setting a record for consecutive days sober. There are certain things the Yankees do well. Defense is not one of them. Something must be amiss. I went to Yankee Stadium on Tuesday night to investigate.

MLB Power Rankings: Where MLB FanHouse's editors, writers and bloggers team up to break down the who's who and the what's what in the baseball world.

What a zany week for a pair of pitchers with amazing stories: Zack Greinke is America's favorite story right now, somehow managing to be hotter than Twitter. (And if Oprah starts doing him too, I'm just quitting. And I mean everything.) Meanwhile, Rick Ankiel (you may hear word of this "podcast" we're doing about him, but that's because I'm shameless like that), a former star on the mound as well, nearly decapitates himself running into an outfield wall. And yet, life goes on. Just like our Power Rankings.

Yesterday, Brinson reported on Wang Hao, the gold medal winning ping pong player from China who was arrested for peeing outside a karaoke club and becoming aggressive. That is, as aggressive as a ping pong player can be.

Do not fret, hopeful Hao fans, because it appears Chinese celebrities aren't too far off from the famous people in this country. Hao is heading to counseling for the pee-punch-proclamation.

Hao will undergo team-mandated counseling after reportedly getting into a fight with a security guard who was trying to stop him from urinating outside a karaoke club.

According to Reuters report, witnesses said Wang emerged drunk from the club last Thursday, attempting to urinate outside the building, then came to blows with the security guard.

"I am the famous Wang Hao! I am the world champion! Does it matter if I beat you?" the 24-year-old said, according to the one witness.

Yup. This guy.

The Lindsay Lohan sweating an athlete thing isn't brand spanking earth shattering news. She's already discussed, in a rather profane manner, how attractive she thinks Michael Phelps is, and the now, she may or may not be infatuated with a certain Chicago Bears quarterback.

That's right, Kyle Orton, you are pretty, pretty, pretty attractive.

Also spied dancing with an attractive blonde at Crimson Lounge: new Bears quarterback Kyle Orton - dubbed ''super-hot" by Lohan, Ronson and Lauper, who all admired the NFL player's dance-floor moves.

It's hard to decide what's more amazing: that Orton has sick dance moves or that he's considered "super-hot" by a bunch of quasi celebrities, some of whom I can't name, and at least one of whom has been noted in the past as being a bit promiscuous.

Still, it's a pretty big couple of weeks for Orton. First he wins the Bears gig in a fierce battle of brilliant quarterbacks against Rex Grossman and now he's being stalked by Lohan? If the Bears can land a Marty Booker type for their second wideout spot, Orton = Easy Street.

I don't pretend to be able to judge how attractive a man is. It's tough trying to figure out what women want. I do, usually, think I can spot an ugly dude, though. It doesn't matter one bit to his football play -- which is quite ugly at times -- but Kyle Orton just seems like an ugly dude to me. It's probably because of presentation, sure, but that's how he's chosen to present himself ... with an odd-looking neck beard and an unidentifiable 'do.

Apparently, that's how Lindsay Lohan rolls. She and her gal pals want a piece of said neck beard, apparently:

Also spied dancing with an attractive blonde at Crimson Lounge: new Bears quarterback Kyle Orton -- dubbed ''super-hot'' by Lohan, Ronson and Lauper, who all admired the NFL player's dance-floor moves.

I guess if you still find Lohan appealing -- just pop in Mean Girls -- this should give hope to all men that they can attract a woman. I mean, check out the picture ... you can't tell me you leave your house in the morning thinking you look worse than that.

Finally, from a fidelity standpoint, I hope the "attractive blonde" was Orton's wife ... maybe she dyed it?

Arm bash: Brinson on MPS

With both the Eastern and Western Conference Finals essentially on the brink, I was wondering -- what the heck happens to the postseason schedule if each of those series end in a four-game sweep?

Heck, it was hard enough going Sunday-Thursday last week without any hockey between Round Two and Round Three. How in the world would puckheads be able to cope with the prospect of a massive layoff between Round Three and the Stanley Cup Finals?

Fear not, for we have uncovered evidence that the powers that be are already considering just that eventuality. We've paired this news -- provided via the tireless Sean Leahy -- with a picture of the Cup and actress Lindsay Lohan, because, well, you never know when Ms. Lohan might want to check her schedule and plan around the Finals.

After all, she's originally from Long Island and they used to win Cups there a lot. Though, to be sure, not anytime in recent history.

With that, here it is, all mapped out:

Red Wing & Penguins sweep 4-0
Game One: Tuesday, 5/20 @Detroit
Game Two: Thursday, 5/22 @Detroit
Game Three: Saturday, 5/24 @Pittsburgh
Game Four: Monday, 5/26 @Pittsburgh

If one or both series lasts five games
Game One: Thursday, 5/22 @Detroit
Game Two: Saturday, 5/24 @Detroit
Game Three: Monday, 5/26 @Pittsburgh
Game Four: Wednesday, 5/28 @Pittsburgh

If one or both series goes to six games
Game One: Saturday, 5/24 @Detroit
Game Two: Monday, 5/26 @Detroit
Game Three: Wednesday, 5/28 @Pittsburgh
Game Four: Friday, 5/30 @Pittsburgh

Minor League Spotlight is the MLB FanHouse's look into baseball's minor leagues. But you probably figured that out already.

Just another reason to love minor league promotions, as Thursday featured a good one courtesy of the Savannah Sand Gnats:

Thursday, Aug. 2 will be Lindsay Lohan Drunk Driving Awareness Night at Grayson Stadium as the Sand Gnats will take on the Greensboro Grasshoppers at 7:05 p.m. in the finale of a four-game series. The game is sponsored by Grainger Honda.

It will be a Thirsty Thursday with half-priced beer and Coke and $1 Papa John's Pizza slices presented by Connect Savannah, Rock 106.1 and Papa John's Pizza. However, the Sand Gnats encourage all fans in attendance to learn from the redheaded actress' mistakes and plan for safe transportation home from the game.

Hook Towing will have a wrecked car from a drunk driving accident on display on the plaza in front of the main gate. Savannah Highway Enforcement of Aggressive Traffic (HEAT) will also be at the game with its blood alcohol testing van.

Really, what's better than promoting safe driving, and totally skewering a hollywood celebrity in the process? Outstanding! No immediate word on when the Sand Gnats will hold "Britney Spears Put Your Baby in a Car Seat Awareness Night".

Arm Bash: Metsblog