FanHouse Mario Williams

The Lions have the first overall pick of the 2009 Draft. This is the reward for going 0-16. Perhaps former team president Matt Millen's biggest accomplishment is that never during his misguided eight-year tenure did Detroit have the first selection. It seems almost impossible in retrospect.

On three occasions the Lions chose second (Joey Harrington in 2002; Charles Rogers in '03; Calvin Johnson in '07), but by the time Millen finally got it right with Johnson it was too late, the team was too far gone.

---

---

Because the NFL season never ends, we present our 2009 Offseason Roadmaps for front offices to navigate through the summer.

How many years were the Arizona Cardinals picked to finally have their breakout year? It seems like they were the dark horse pick to have a playoff run every offseason. But since they went to the Super Bowl last year, they can't be that sneaky hot team any more.

Maybe the Texans take over that spot. Their franchise has never had a winning season, and the last two 8-8 seasons have only resulted in higher expectations. Houston's offense ranks about the same as the Cardinal offense, their special teams is better and their defense worse. The Texans are trying to fix that bad defense by replacing a number of coaches on that side of the ball.

A recent trend in the NFL is teams picking first overall in the draft signing their pick before the actual draft day. Most recently, the Texans did it with Mario Williams, then the Dolphins with Jake Long.

It's a move that makes sense, since you don't want to be stuck watching your top draft pick holding out. That's pretty embarrassing for an organization. Apparently, even the Detroit Lions are smart enough to avoid such embarrassment.

Franchise tags and salary-cap concerns play a very important role in real-world wheelings and dealings, but what if the biggest-named free agents were matched with the teams that gave them the best chance to make a Super Bowl run? What would that list look like? Glad you asked.

Yes, this is a strictly fictional account, one that requires you to suspend reality for the next few minutes. But, hey, it's the NFL offseason, which means that there won't be any meaningful football for another seven months. What else do you have to do?

The AFC and NFC Pro Bowlers were announced a short while ago, and why make some pointless comment you are sure not to laugh at when we can just give you the rosters instead? Here goes.

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

Minnesota (7-5) at Detroit (0-12): I'm a huge fan of the "Well, if the Lions are going to win, this is the game to do it" theory. But they're going to stop Adrian Peterson? Really? Sure, it might be their best shot to win, but how does AP not go for 200 yards and three touchdowns in this game?

Also, I'd like to bring up this point we FanHousers discussed the other day. If you had to start your team around one player, who would it be? I initially thought Peterson until I realized that, as good as he is, running backs can go down with any injury (see Tomlinson, LaDainian) and never be the same. I heard a few names go around, like Justin Tuck and Albert Haynesworth. I really believe I'd go with either Matt Ryan or Mario Williams. You'd never go receiver because there are too many out there (unless you were Matt Millen). You want a young defensive player, like Williams, or a quarterback that can win, like Ryan. What are your thoughts?

Pick: Minnesota

Though nationally there wasn't much interest in two 4-7 teams playing each other, in Houston, Reliant Stadium was packed to watch the city's first Monday Night Football game in 14 years.

The story of the game was the impressive play of Texans rookie Steve Slaton and Mario Williams. The above video shows highlights of Slaton's 130-yard rushing, 51-yard receiving, two-touchdown performance. Williams had three sacks, a forced fumble and four tackles behind the line of scrimmage.

I guess they both saw this as a statement game. Slaton was angry that NFL teams saw him as only a third-down back, which allowed him to slip to the third round of the draft. Williams mentioned in the post game interviews that he took exception to Ron Jaworski's pregame comments to the Houston Chronicle suggesting that the defensive end was not a dominant player.

This season, FanHouse writers take their cameras to NFL stadiums to document what happens when you stop being polite and start getting real. Or something. We've cleverly titled it "FanHouse in the Stands."

First of all, I like to thank all of you who said kind things to me over the last weeks as the Haus' resident beleaguered Texan fan. Gracias. Here's some flavor of the game, including a cheerleader video for those who like that sort of thing:

Welcome to Hispanic Heritage Day

The Texans have themes for their home games and yesterday was "Hispanic Heritage Day." My buddy Sweet, from the Raging Bull Tailgaters, celebrated with his Texans poncho. He bought that in Mexico, and I'm guessing that isn't an NFL-approved product.

In a nod to the themed day, the Texans cheerleaders originally came out of the tunnel wearing frilly skirts. A friend sitting near me said he thought they looked more like French maid outfits. He did not mind. I did not take pictures of the outfits, but if you want to judge the frenchmaidiness of the cheerleaders, there's plenty of pictures over at TexansBullPen.com.

Strangely enough, the cheerleaders after the half came out in track suits. They temporarily clothed themselves to do a promotion for the Texans Junior Cheerleaders, a program that allows young girls to cheer at one of the games. A junior cheerleader dances with the regular cheerleaders in this video:

Yohei Hori is a system engineer who lives in Tokyo. He is also a huge Houston Texans fan who writes a Japanese language blog focusing on the team. As he explained to me, he knows English, but the translation plug-in for his blog that translates from the Japanese leads to really messed up, humorous results.

The translated name for his blog is "Da Bull Pen - TEXANS cheering blog: Houston Texans and the NFL that, and I love it."

Admittedly, I must confess I enjoy reading the silly Japanese to English translations of all things Texans and NFL. Check his blog out and find your favorite odd, yet somehow accurate account. It's like bizarre poetry.

Discussing the Texans' defensive line after the first week loss to the Steelers:

Mario [Williams] is wonderful. Is, Marvel Smith, not more Willie Colon on the side of the line-up I'd have to be. Richard Smith's campaign to question. Amobi [Okoye] Where is it? Travis Johnson? The two will run unstoppable inside. Inactive [Frank] Okam of the game was to keep up hope.

I discovered Yohei posting as "texamaniac" at the I'm a Texans Club website (the above graphic spells "Houston Texans" in Japanese). He agreed to answer a few questions about what it is like to follow the NFL in Japan, and how he became a fan of the Texans.

Q: How popular is the NFL in Japan?

A: American football is a very minor sport in Japan. It is a pity, but most Japanese don't even understand the rules.