FanHouse MarkOMeara

Fifty-nine, 52 and 49. Nope, those aren't scores shot on the front nine Thursday by different golfers struggling with the wind; those are the ages of Tom Watson, Mark O'Meara and Mark Calcavecchia, respectively, three past Open Champion winners who are all in contention in 2009 after opening rounds that would make you think it's 1998 again.

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Tiger Woods is coming. The when and where are still to be determined, but the propaganda machine is, with each passing day, gearing up in anticipation of the inevitable.

Usually, when athletes return from an eight-month layoff brought on by serious injury, the expectations are dampened. In Tiger's case, it's just the opposite. Part of me thinks it's all some elaborate PR plan to intimidate his opponents even before he tees it up. But there's also the very real possibility that Woods is better now than ever because that seems like something he'd do. Just to be spiteful.

Some 24 hours after Tiger Woods' wife, Elin, gave birth to Charley Axel, the couple's second child, the world's best golfer had his swing coach on the phone. Apparently, Tiger's really close to making his triumphant return to the PGA Tour. And let me just say: hurry.

Yes, Camilo Villegas has played well, but Anthony Kim and Phil Mickelson have not. And while it's nice to see young guys like Nick Watney win big events, it's no substitute for Eldrick. Obviously.

The question then, of course, is when, exactly, Woods will tee it up.

Word on the street has Tiger Woods making his triumphant return to the PGA Tour as soon as February, which must've been wonderful news for arch-nemesis Phil Mickelson. No, seriously. You see, the world's No. 3 player admits that he pines for those halcyon days of watching Woods blow away an entire field while everybody watched on helplessly.

"The entire golf world cannot wait for his return. I miss him as a player. I miss him as a person. And I miss trying to track him down because that is always a great challenge."

Lefty does admit that he blew a great opportunity to make up ground on the hobbled Woods last season, and has spent much of the winter trying to rectify his putting woes. I blame his short-game coach and resident egghead, Dave Pelz. Honestly, Philbert doesn't need fancy-pants gadgets, he needs to quit doing stuff like this. I'm pretty sure there isn't a golf robot on the planet that can fix Lefty's above-the-neck issues.

Whatever, Mickelson could still make a dent in Tiger's lead early next year. Despite Mark O'Meara's proclamations, it's not clear when Woods will actually return, and even when he does, you'd have to expect him to be rusty. I know, this is Tiger we're talking about, but between caddying and building golf courses, there hasn't been a lot of time for working on his game.

Which means we should only expect him to win one major in 2009. And definitely no more than two.

In golf news these days, there are basically two things to talk about -- Tiger Woods and Tiger Woods' bum knee.

The top golfer in the land (as of now) has been quoted as saying he has absolutely no clue when he will be back on the links in top tournament form, but Mark O'Meara said he could see Tiger being back as early as February.

"Tiger is doing really well and he is pleased with the way the operation went," said O'Meara.

"I'm afraid the (Dubai Desert) Classic (on Jan 29) is coming round a little early for him to be able to defend his title. That's a real pity. He is going to aim for a return in late February or early March.

He is not going to start hitting balls until the end of December so it would be pushing it for him to come here in January. I imagine he will make his comeback in one of the Florida tournaments. His plan is to play a couple of events before the Masters [in April]."

It has to be depressing to fire a six-under 65 in the first round of the LPGA Jamie Farr Owens Corning Classic and be five shots back of the leader.

Paula Creamer, starting on the tenth hole at Highland Meadows Country Club, went out in four-under, which is extremely salty by itself, made the turn, and just went "Megan Fox in July at Scottsdale while eating an Atomic Fireball" hot.

A seven-under 27 on her second nine matched the LPGA record for raw score on nine holes and had her within a shot of that untouchable number in golf, 59.

Not to be outdone by Mark O'Meara's ability to predict things in golf, Creamer said this in a pre-tournament interview.

"This is a great golf course. It sets up really well for my game. You have to hit really good irons out here. You have to hit it in the right part of the greens, and you have to be a good putter. People make a lot of birdies out here. You are just trying to eliminate the bogeys."

Well, 11 birdies and no bogeys is a little what you were looking for, right Paula?

Only Annika Sorenstam, shooting a 59 in the second round of the 2001 Standard Register PING, has bested Creamer's 60.

Okay, it's been less than 48 hours since Anthony Kim fired a final-round 65 and won the AT & T National, and I'm already sick of the "hey, the next Tiger Woods is here!" talk. Granted, I played my part, virtually high-fiving Kim for his performance, but good lord, Tiger didn't die, he's just out of action for a few months.

So can we temper the "changing of the guards talk" talk, already? I mean, let's all take a page from Mark O'Meara's book of sage-like wisdom. The two-time major champion and Tiger's BFF offered Kim some realistic advice last December. Instead of pumping Kim full of false hope, he was more measured in his words, but still encouraging:

"I just conveyed to Anthony, 'You've got as much talent or more than any other player I've ever seen besides Tiger.' And I believe that," O'Meara said earlier this year. "I'm not trying to put pressure on him, and I told him that. I laid it out for him. 'Unless you don't like money and you don't want to win tournaments, then maybe you continue down that other road.'

"He could win multiple tournaments a year, easily, and win major championships. That's how talented he is."

And by "down that road," O'Meara was referring to Kim's temper getting in the way playing well. Overall, though, I think O'Meara's right -- in terms of physical ability, Kim's as good as anybody (except, you know, Eldrick), but you can say that about a lot of guys on tour. The difference, for most of them, is the above the shoulders stuff. And for Kim, he seems pretty mentally tough. Of course, he's 23 -- it's way too early to start crowning asses around this place.

As I continue to miss five footers for bogey in the blogging world, it's the FanHouse Media Guide.

• Colin Montgomerie -- 2 -- I'm just going to come out and say it -- I like Monty. This guy still catches hell from people, even when he isn't a factor anymore. As crazy as it is that he finished in the top three four times at the U.S. Open, it's even crazier that Colin won 40 professional tournaments, none in the United States.

• Artemio Murakami -- DNP -- Just 24, Murakami had a solid 2007 on the Asian Tour, winning the Iskandar Johor Open (say that five times fast) and finished 57th on the Order of Merit. He took up the game at age nine, where he would follow his father to the driving range.

• Sean O'Hair -- t-26 -- O'Hair is one of my favorite stories in golf, breaking away from his deranged father and continuing to play some rather impressive golf. It would be beneficial to his confidence to have another strong national showing after his collapse at The Players Championship in 2007.

• Mark O'Meara -- t-3 -- I love when people like O'Meara still try (and succeed) in qualifying for the U.S. Open. The Windermere, Florida resident had his best finish in a U.S. Open (1988) ten years before his breakthrough season when he won both the Masters and British Open.

• Joe Ogilvie -- 40 -- The Duke graduate won his first PGA Tour tournament in 2007 and lists Warren Buffett and Bill Gates as his heroes, which obviously means he just wants to be a member of Augusta National.

• Geoff Ogilvy -- WON -- I lived in Scottsdale for a couple of years and never got the opportunity to visit "MOJO Pies," Ogilvy's Original Australian Pie shop. I think Ogilvy's (pictured) on a short list of guys to win this week, especially if Phil Mickelson is standing on 18 with a one-shot lead over him (sorry, had to do it).

• Rod Pampling -- t-32 -- The reason I will always remember Pampling is because of the 1999 British Open, where he shot an opening round 71 at Carnoustie to take the lead, only to shoot an 86 in the second round and miss the cut. You know, I bet John Daly can relate.

• Jesper Parnevik -- t-14 -- Seriously, was I the only one that thought Justin Timberlake was Jesper Parnevik at that "Who Can Break 100 at Torrey Pines" thing last week? Honestly, it took me like ten minutes to realize it was Timberlake. I just figured Parnevik had fallen off the map so far he had to do those "made for TV" gigs.
  

• Craig Parry -- t-3 -- I'm sorry, but anytime Johnny Miller says something I actually laugh at, it's worth passing on. No matter his crazy over-the-top swing, Parry might own the best shot in PGA Tour playoff history.

• Pat Perez -- t-40 -- At first glance Perez looks like a sneaky pick to win this week. He grew up on Torrey Pines, an obvious advantage over anybody else. But a closer look at his finishes in the Buick Invitational show seven starts, four missed cuts and only one top-10. You can't fool the fooler buddy.