FanHouse Michigan

For the first time in recorded history, the Michigan Wolverines and Notre Dame Fighting Irish are rolling into their upcoming game with 0-2 records. Both teams are riding four game losing streaks, humiliating 30 point home losses, and, with the recent news of Chad Henne's injury, will both likely be trotting out true freshmen quarterbacks. In what should be a throughly sarcastic affair for both teams, Mike Hart has provided a little bit of drama for the otherwise uninteresting "Slump Buster Bowl" (do you like the name? I made it up.)

You see, the great H-20 has guaranteed a victory. And he didn't just guarantee a victory sometime this season, he specifically guaranteed a win against Notre Dame next week.

"We're going to win next week," Hart said. "There's no question in my mind. I guarantee we will win next week. I'm going to get this team ready. Guaranteed."

Well, it's not quite Joe Namath's Super Bowl III guarantee. A guarantee in a game featuring two winless and unranked teams probably falls more in the "You won't pay a lot for this muffler" caliber of all-time guarantees, but hey, it's a start. The good news for both teams is that, by rule, one team technically does have to win the game, although there might be some obscure rule that calls for a dual forfeit if both teams go scoreless through ten overtime frames. I'll get right on researching that and let you know.

Where does a 6'4", 265 pound bone-crushing defensive end recruit go on vacation? The only place big enough to hide him, Canada. While five-star über-recruit Ethan Johnson is unreachable while on vacation in the Great White North, sources at rivals.com and WNDU are both reporting that he has verbally committed to the Irish. After snagging Jamoris Slaughter and leaking out some gossip about his alma mater, I was already in the process of building a 90-foot statue of Corwin Brown made out of solid gold, but in light of this news, I think I'm going to have to double the size of the ungodly edifice.

Here's a little bit of trivia for you readers out there. I just flipped through the player profiles on scout.com and noticed that there are ten committed recruits who held scholarship offers from both Notre Dame and Michigan. Anyone know the breakdown of who chose Notre Dame versus Michigan?

The answer? 10-0, Notre Dame. Draw your own conclusions.

Yes, Ohio's quest to surpass Alabama as the home of the nation's most sadly deranged college football fans continues apace:

"Tressel Hayes Huffines -- sounds as sweet as an OSU victory over Michigan," Brent Huffines, 27, said Sunday while cradling the 3-day-old boy in the neonatal intensive care unit at Ohio State University Medical Center.

But wait, there's more! Tressel Hayes Huffines is the sixth Ohio child in the past four years to be named "Tressel". All of them await a life wherein they seethe with impotent rage at their boss Meyer Spurrier Randomlastname but are powerless to do anything but watch as he runs off with their wives, adopts their children, and burns down their house Keyser Soze style. But Huffines alone will punch some random South Carolinian who wanders into the wrong McDonalds one fateful morning and intercepts an apple pie destined for one of his buddies.
(Disclaimer: Michigan fan, owned by Ohio State, you are my daddy, etc etc etc. At least I'm naming my hypothetical kids things like "Howard," which is a completely plausible first name, if one destined to get the poor thing's face kicked in on a regular basis.)

This video is kind of long and watching a drunk guy fail to remember what Jordan Norwood's name is even though he is apparently both the world's biggest Penn State/Notre Dame fan (amazing he didn't commit suicide somewhere around '01) is not particularly enthralling. But for God's sake, trust me: you want to get about halfway through, when Guy Who Can't Remember Norwood's Name Guy watches Mario Manningham's last second touchdown to win the '05 Penn State-Michigan game (warning: this guy swears a lot. A lot a lot. Definitely NSFW):



Alcohol + seven straight losses (at the time) == crazy delicious.

After Michigan and Ohio State both got whacked in their bowl games, the extra two-week layoff Big Ten teams have between the end of their seasons and their bowl games was a hot topic of discussion in the Midwest and, apparently, coaches in the league. The Big Ten has had a longstanding rule that teams cannot play games on or after Thanksgiving weekend -- though the occasional trip to Hawaii is excepted -- that may be changing. According to the Oakland Press, "the schedule guidelines are likely to change if not this season, perhaps next." Carr on the change:

"From the competitive standpoint, if you look at this last season, this conference, I think the argument is pretty strong. It's a competitive disadvantage when you don't play because of the length of time between the end of the season and the bowl game," Carr said. "It is what it is."

Although Carr didn't mention it Wednesday, last December another concern was that the Wolverines were placed lower in the polls two weeks after they had finished playing. Carr said the Big Ten athletic directors are looking into a possible schedule change.

"If they don't do something in the Big Ten Conference, then each school will be free to make changes that will allow them to play the 12th game after Thanksgiving," Carr said.

In that last quote Carr implies that schools will go ahead with post-Thanksgiving games even if the Big Ten does not change its scheduling rules by scheduling nonconference games in that window. Undoubtedly crappy nonconference games, but nonconference games.

It's not official yet, but let's acknowledge that there is approximately zero chance that Tommy Amaker will be Michigan's coach six weeks from now. After this week's home loss to Iowa, the local headlines include "Amaker's Days at UM are Numbered," "Amaker Needs Miracle to Save His Job Now," and "UM Hoops Has Built a Culture of Neglect."

I've always wanted Amaker to succeed. He seems like such a nice, likable guy, and he was trying to clean up a program that had flouted the NCAA's rules for so long before he arrived. But coaching isn't about being nice and following the rules, it's about winning. There's just no way you can bring a coach back for a seventh season when he hasn't made the tournament in his first six.

Athletic director Bill Martin now has a big job ahead of him in finding Michigan's next coach. Michigan will always be, first and foremost, a football school, but the Wolverines could be a basketball powerhouse, too. Just not with Amaker as the coach.

The latest BCS standings were released minutes ago and I'm more confused than ever. As expected, Ohio State stays at number one followed by Michigan and USC. I don't think anyone is surprised that Michigan jumped the Trojans. They have been far more impressive than USC.

What is a surprise is that West Virginia jumped Auburn. I'm not saying they shouldn't. In fact, I don't disagree with them being ahead of the Tigers at this point in the season. They are undefeated and play in a surprisingly competitive Big East Conference. With Louisville and Rutgers still left on the Mountaineers schedule, they'll have a chance to justify their lofty ranking.

I admit being shocked last week when Auburn was fourth in the first BCS standings. Beating second-ranked Florida was huge and jumping to seventh in both the Coaches and Harris polls led me to believe the Tigers would fall somewhere around there in the BCS.